i arrived from our swimming trip in laguna around 1pm. i had a great time with my bio batchmates. its just so sad that we only got to do this kind of stuff only now. anyway, we were 11 then and got a 4T private pool. i think it was worth it, since the place is neat and cute. the only disappointment there was, is that the karaoke machine could only accomodate P5 token and thus not infinite. bummer. but i got to sing, 'you oughtta know', 'i do', 'landslide', 'one last cry' and 'when i come around'.
one of my friends bought this ethanol drink, i forgot the name, but he said wala daw tama. so there i was drinking 3 tall shots of it and coke as chaser and got tipsy. i swear ang lakas ng tama nya. i went upstairs to sleep my throbbing head, and when i went down i was cussing mad at my friend for fooling me into drinking that. good thing he bought san mig light, that somehow took away my tipsyness.
we also went to tagaytay on the way home. we thought we could go to those free look-out spots but found out that everything now in tagaytay is payable. we went to the pink sisters and there i took my time off to pray and make a wish. and i believe it wont be long now until my wish is granted. hehehehe.
when i arrived home, i found workmates of my father abroad and it so happen that my father bought me an SD card for my tungsten. cool, now i could transfer mp3s to it. hehehe. thanks papa!
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Saturday, May 29, 2004
what's with the 'tol'?
'father forgive me for i have sinned'
'what are your sins my child?'
'blah...blah...blah... and i do it with men'
'just what is IT that you with men?'
'SEX'
one of the silly reminiscent moments that my friend narrated on a dinner we had with 3 other friends at yellow cab tonight. and the priest said the most wonderful words...
'you see it is not only through sex that you could find intimacy...there's companionship'
wow!
we were supposed to meet them at starbucks early on but because of mark we arrived 6:30 since mark had to finish his duty at the PT clinic. and to think that my job at the SC finished at 3:30. anyway there we are eating due to the magnanimous effort of my friend em who's starving to death.
'so enriq, whats with (the name)?' and i was asked twice with the same question from two different people...talk about being intriguing
'huh?, wala!'
its really hard to explain the truth than to just merely say it.
'but do u like him?'
'well, i do, but not in the same way you think i like him'
there i was caught with one inevitable question. as much i want to toy with the idea, i wouldn't want the idea to toy me.
and the conversation went on with me explaing every bit of whats been happening to me lately. the depression state, the sadness, the predicaments, the worries, and failure that i am. and there i was recieving every bit of advice, caution, strength, and encouragement that i could ever have heard and felt.
'you know what enriq, what i think about (name my 1st ex) is that he's cheap'
'howcome?'
'not that i mean cheap as in cheap cheap, but i just felt angry that he hurt you...'
for a second there i could have married my friend...hahaha. i like ron...he's a man of few words but when he do speak he really mean it well. just like when i confided with him coz i only got a percentile rank of 47 in my first take at NMAT (national medical assessment test) he just simply said...'at least di ka 10!' its one of my favorite comforting words someone has ever told me.
'tol...'
'what's with "tol" enriq'?
'im sorry nakasanayan ko na with all the str8t guys that i have in skul'
and i argued...
'bat ganun na lang un reaksyon nyo? i can't help but notice how you think it was ridiculous that i should be saying that word'
'not naman enriq, you just changed that's all'
'and we all change'
whenever i look at my friends i feel lucky and at the same time envious. i envy em because of his strong willed, confidence, and his ability to be a positive self centered person when loveless (i fail to do that). i envy mark for being optimistic, and happy go lucky (i'm afraid im not). and i envy ron for being happy and truthful (i hope i could be). eventhough i'm not like them in essence, i'm glad that somehow they impart a little of who they are in me. but most of the times those bits and pieces of them within me vanishes when i go home and face the fact that i'm empty and lonely. i'm just waiting for that time that i will just laugh at these things...and em assured me that it will come. and i think it's enough for me to have something to look forward to.
i head home, and fortuitously rode the same fx i took this morning going to school. and now i'm sleepy...thank god!
'what are your sins my child?'
'blah...blah...blah... and i do it with men'
'just what is IT that you with men?'
'SEX'
one of the silly reminiscent moments that my friend narrated on a dinner we had with 3 other friends at yellow cab tonight. and the priest said the most wonderful words...
'you see it is not only through sex that you could find intimacy...there's companionship'
wow!
we were supposed to meet them at starbucks early on but because of mark we arrived 6:30 since mark had to finish his duty at the PT clinic. and to think that my job at the SC finished at 3:30. anyway there we are eating due to the magnanimous effort of my friend em who's starving to death.
'so enriq, whats with (the name)?' and i was asked twice with the same question from two different people...talk about being intriguing
'huh?, wala!'
its really hard to explain the truth than to just merely say it.
'but do u like him?'
'well, i do, but not in the same way you think i like him'
there i was caught with one inevitable question. as much i want to toy with the idea, i wouldn't want the idea to toy me.
and the conversation went on with me explaing every bit of whats been happening to me lately. the depression state, the sadness, the predicaments, the worries, and failure that i am. and there i was recieving every bit of advice, caution, strength, and encouragement that i could ever have heard and felt.
'you know what enriq, what i think about (name my 1st ex) is that he's cheap'
'howcome?'
'not that i mean cheap as in cheap cheap, but i just felt angry that he hurt you...'
for a second there i could have married my friend...hahaha. i like ron...he's a man of few words but when he do speak he really mean it well. just like when i confided with him coz i only got a percentile rank of 47 in my first take at NMAT (national medical assessment test) he just simply said...'at least di ka 10!' its one of my favorite comforting words someone has ever told me.
'tol...'
'what's with "tol" enriq'?
'im sorry nakasanayan ko na with all the str8t guys that i have in skul'
and i argued...
'bat ganun na lang un reaksyon nyo? i can't help but notice how you think it was ridiculous that i should be saying that word'
'not naman enriq, you just changed that's all'
'and we all change'
whenever i look at my friends i feel lucky and at the same time envious. i envy em because of his strong willed, confidence, and his ability to be a positive self centered person when loveless (i fail to do that). i envy mark for being optimistic, and happy go lucky (i'm afraid im not). and i envy ron for being happy and truthful (i hope i could be). eventhough i'm not like them in essence, i'm glad that somehow they impart a little of who they are in me. but most of the times those bits and pieces of them within me vanishes when i go home and face the fact that i'm empty and lonely. i'm just waiting for that time that i will just laugh at these things...and em assured me that it will come. and i think it's enough for me to have something to look forward to.
i head home, and fortuitously rode the same fx i took this morning going to school. and now i'm sleepy...thank god!
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
the anatomy of a breakup
(may 28 marks my anniversary of break-up with my first...if i can't celebrate about the happy times, i might as well celebrate the not-so-happy times. he's my favorite regret and will always be my favorite mistake. wrote this one for a friend a couple of months ago)
They say that while some good things never last…some doesn’t even start. And yes, mine did not. Every relationship, one thing or another, is bound to an end, of reasons that is so diverse as the human race and as numerous as the pores lining our entire palms. However, if there is more than the word reason that would explain a break-up, it is the cause that would matter most and that would anatomize the idea.
Let me start by telling you that he was cute…a good catch for anyone; he has the brains, the looks, well…maybe not the height but all in all he put the yum in yummy. He came in to me like a bang; he was right in my face giving me everything there is I need to lift myself out of misery of being single for the past twenty years of my life. Right then I was hesitant but then again thought I wasn’t getting any younger and soon enough I gave in to the chocolate cake and ate it…entirely. But the thing is, I forgot to drink, to push the cake down my esophagus and into my stomach and into my intestines for further digestion. I failed to take in enough strength to lift me up when everything was gone. And soon enough, everything IS gone, and I’m drinking gallons of water now to eliminate the waste….to eliminate the pain.
The general objective of a break up is basically a boy stops whatever is binding him with another girl, or vice versa, and in the recent event of time, a boy finds a way out of another boy or a girl and another girl for that matter. Break up can either be a symport or antiport…or to put it in a way, mutual or antagonistic. The mutual break up is when both parties agree on the idea while the other, antagonistic, is when either of the two disagrees and hence go their opposite way. As for my case, it was an antiport and at the same time a symport. We both agreed but only the other reasoned out the break up while the other (me) remained numb.
The process of our break up was quite interesting. It was then that I realized so many things that most people wanting a break up usually takes advantage of and never really gets to think out very vividly.
Let me lay my exhibits. Exhibit number 1: No Communication. Most of the time a person wanting a way out usually cuts this off, however as in my case, I was constant and cutting the communication off wasn’t just really enough. So, he devised the ‘one-last-call’ technique. It is the call of all calls, the call that would end all calls and the call that would shame those that doesn’t even start. And that last resort to spill the break up was very much effective. However, it may be effective but lame. It’s like telling the other subconsciously that he/she is so stupid to realize the manifestation of a no-communication method. But as for me, being constant (persistent actually) was my way of telling the guy that he is more neonatal in thinking that he need to devise a good second way of quitting. And his ability to think of another way, well proves me that he is a superior form of neonatal being. At least superiorly.
Exhibit number 2: The feeling was gone. The inevitable words usually come into play. My mind was put into exhaustion when he said that. I just can’t imagine nor can my lyzosome digest the idea that THE feeling was gone. I would rather say it diminished. The feeling wasn’t really gone after all, it had just gone too enormous; just like diffusion, increase in saturation, increases permeability.
And last, Exhibit number 3: Let’s be friends. Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! how sweet of you to want that! NOT! Friendship is not a consolation. It isn’t something that you give after; its something that you give before. It is a prize won. Unfortunately, we became lovers before we became friends or lack thereof.
Evidences like the aforementioned are but a few, it may not even apply to every one. But the thing is, in a break up it’s a given that the hurt will always be there. We may get rid of the pain but not the hurt. Being hurt is what matters to me in a relationship, its like medal won in a contest where everyone you compete is no one but you. It’s a feeling that you have won over numbness, jadedness and sadness. I was happy being hurt because I was able to feel, that I really for the first time in my life felt how it was to love and be loved. Weird thing was that, unlike any other break ups, I didn’t cry over it. I felt like it was just it. Maybe at the back of my mind, I was ready for the idea; that I was, even before the break up proper.
But what matters more in a break up is not the lessons I’ve learned, the pains that I endured, the one-liners I brought out and the singlehood that I once again procured, but the idea that prior to the break up is that I was happy. That even prior to the relationship there was me, the one I used to be. And that happiness will be the one to keep me looking at the horizon not with hope but of longingness that someday, I’ll meet someone and get hurt again or maybe not.
They say that while some good things never last…some doesn’t even start. And yes, mine did not. Every relationship, one thing or another, is bound to an end, of reasons that is so diverse as the human race and as numerous as the pores lining our entire palms. However, if there is more than the word reason that would explain a break-up, it is the cause that would matter most and that would anatomize the idea.
Let me start by telling you that he was cute…a good catch for anyone; he has the brains, the looks, well…maybe not the height but all in all he put the yum in yummy. He came in to me like a bang; he was right in my face giving me everything there is I need to lift myself out of misery of being single for the past twenty years of my life. Right then I was hesitant but then again thought I wasn’t getting any younger and soon enough I gave in to the chocolate cake and ate it…entirely. But the thing is, I forgot to drink, to push the cake down my esophagus and into my stomach and into my intestines for further digestion. I failed to take in enough strength to lift me up when everything was gone. And soon enough, everything IS gone, and I’m drinking gallons of water now to eliminate the waste….to eliminate the pain.
The general objective of a break up is basically a boy stops whatever is binding him with another girl, or vice versa, and in the recent event of time, a boy finds a way out of another boy or a girl and another girl for that matter. Break up can either be a symport or antiport…or to put it in a way, mutual or antagonistic. The mutual break up is when both parties agree on the idea while the other, antagonistic, is when either of the two disagrees and hence go their opposite way. As for my case, it was an antiport and at the same time a symport. We both agreed but only the other reasoned out the break up while the other (me) remained numb.
The process of our break up was quite interesting. It was then that I realized so many things that most people wanting a break up usually takes advantage of and never really gets to think out very vividly.
Let me lay my exhibits. Exhibit number 1: No Communication. Most of the time a person wanting a way out usually cuts this off, however as in my case, I was constant and cutting the communication off wasn’t just really enough. So, he devised the ‘one-last-call’ technique. It is the call of all calls, the call that would end all calls and the call that would shame those that doesn’t even start. And that last resort to spill the break up was very much effective. However, it may be effective but lame. It’s like telling the other subconsciously that he/she is so stupid to realize the manifestation of a no-communication method. But as for me, being constant (persistent actually) was my way of telling the guy that he is more neonatal in thinking that he need to devise a good second way of quitting. And his ability to think of another way, well proves me that he is a superior form of neonatal being. At least superiorly.
Exhibit number 2: The feeling was gone. The inevitable words usually come into play. My mind was put into exhaustion when he said that. I just can’t imagine nor can my lyzosome digest the idea that THE feeling was gone. I would rather say it diminished. The feeling wasn’t really gone after all, it had just gone too enormous; just like diffusion, increase in saturation, increases permeability.
And last, Exhibit number 3: Let’s be friends. Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh! how sweet of you to want that! NOT! Friendship is not a consolation. It isn’t something that you give after; its something that you give before. It is a prize won. Unfortunately, we became lovers before we became friends or lack thereof.
Evidences like the aforementioned are but a few, it may not even apply to every one. But the thing is, in a break up it’s a given that the hurt will always be there. We may get rid of the pain but not the hurt. Being hurt is what matters to me in a relationship, its like medal won in a contest where everyone you compete is no one but you. It’s a feeling that you have won over numbness, jadedness and sadness. I was happy being hurt because I was able to feel, that I really for the first time in my life felt how it was to love and be loved. Weird thing was that, unlike any other break ups, I didn’t cry over it. I felt like it was just it. Maybe at the back of my mind, I was ready for the idea; that I was, even before the break up proper.
But what matters more in a break up is not the lessons I’ve learned, the pains that I endured, the one-liners I brought out and the singlehood that I once again procured, but the idea that prior to the break up is that I was happy. That even prior to the relationship there was me, the one I used to be. And that happiness will be the one to keep me looking at the horizon not with hope but of longingness that someday, I’ll meet someone and get hurt again or maybe not.
marat safin won! VAMOS!
safin won his 1st round yesterday at RG against agustin calleri of argentina (which by the way is also one of crushes but doesnt play well). he had 9 aces, 38 winners against his 29 UE which according to tennis pros as long as you keep your UE's down its a sure win. a total of 88 points won. whew! and a 204km/hr fastest serve. wow! still taylor dent of US recorded the fastest serve during the 2002 RG. safin has not been broking rackets now, what a shame coz he looks cute when he does that. hehehe. hope my predictions go well for him at this major. he really likes to one this one. its the kind of tennis he grew up with in barcelona. vamos!
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
you have no new messeges...never have been...never will be
'hi, musta?' is just but one of my pathetic ways of getting a text from anyone, just to test if my phone works still...well actually to find out if someone still knows im alive. every night it just gets worst. i even took reading pocket books (coz i swore not to lift a book on my vacation coz i had so much of then during skul days and one more reading could puke me to death) to take me out of the idea that nobody even cares how im doing.
except for a few text messges that goes 'enriq, meeting tom at 1 pm, skul lobby, pls forward to tanya and nina' or texts like 'pano un ganto?...' or more like 'jay, un ilaw sa backyard pakibukas' (that's my mother texting from downstairs coz he knows i wudnt hear her with my radio on) i've thought hey it isn't that bad afterall.
the positive about it is that i still have 270+ on my load in a week now. i usually metered off to like 200 in less than a week. i think that's an improvement. whatever improvement there was.
moreover, a 50 peso load wouldnt last for a day when im meeting my always 'late' friends. i disgust waiting. i hate being early at mit-ups. the last one that i intend to be late, was a joke, coz i end up being early again. bummer. i would call and text a million times for their whereabouts. i just couldn't stand it.
'hi musta?'....10 mins...20 mins...45 mins...and hour...oh what the hell there's no reply!
back to my reading...bummer...
except for a few text messges that goes 'enriq, meeting tom at 1 pm, skul lobby, pls forward to tanya and nina' or texts like 'pano un ganto?...' or more like 'jay, un ilaw sa backyard pakibukas' (that's my mother texting from downstairs coz he knows i wudnt hear her with my radio on) i've thought hey it isn't that bad afterall.
the positive about it is that i still have 270+ on my load in a week now. i usually metered off to like 200 in less than a week. i think that's an improvement. whatever improvement there was.
moreover, a 50 peso load wouldnt last for a day when im meeting my always 'late' friends. i disgust waiting. i hate being early at mit-ups. the last one that i intend to be late, was a joke, coz i end up being early again. bummer. i would call and text a million times for their whereabouts. i just couldn't stand it.
'hi musta?'....10 mins...20 mins...45 mins...and hour...oh what the hell there's no reply!
back to my reading...bummer...
Monday, May 24, 2004
i'm craving for my bestfriend but he's nowhere to be found!
it will be a day now since my last smoke. now i know how it feels like to be in those songs who talk about someone who doesn't have a cent to buy cigarettes. it's me and my stupid impulsive self that made all this happen. if i just settled on a winston lights rather have a west ice then i cud've been smoking now. the rationale was that i bought west ice for me to lessen my smoking, since its expensive, i would be more concious of my sticks per day. but no! in just two days it all drained down my alveoli. and the macrophages went "ahhhhhhhhhhhh" about it. in fairness, it wasn't just all me, i have a friend who smoked a quarter of my pack. so type two pneumonocytes don't put the blame on me.
hay, im so bored with all this. this is the second yr i had a very long summer. a summer full of troubles, depression and thinking. unmindful how much i have fun with my friends going out, whenver i return to my room at night and close the door, fun just seems to banish in thin air. and my air IS thinning...i can't breathe...argh!
hay, im so bored with all this. this is the second yr i had a very long summer. a summer full of troubles, depression and thinking. unmindful how much i have fun with my friends going out, whenver i return to my room at night and close the door, fun just seems to banish in thin air. and my air IS thinning...i can't breathe...argh!
Sunday, May 23, 2004
i've always thought of sleeping the sadness away
it's amazing how babies could change in so little time. my nephew, ynigo miguel pueyo, (which im proud to have been the one to give the name) is such a precious. last night he learned something new...he's now able to protrude his mouth. it's a sign of his developing gums. wipee! at 4 months he was able to hold his bottle (though not firmly). he loves when i tune in to myx and sing to him the songs. looking at his pics before when he was born, he was ugly! hahaha. back then he looked like a baby mice. i can't help but compare how beautiful he is now. he's one of the things that takes away my sadness. the way he sleeps away his childhood envies me. i've always thought of sleeping all the sadness away and never to wake up. he has no care of what's going on around him. my world moves around him...and he doesnt know that. he's my partner...to be his tito and godfather at the same time is one thing that i am proud of.
'time gets bolder, children gets older and i am getting older too' - landslide by fleetwoodmac
'time gets bolder, children gets older and i am getting older too' - landslide by fleetwoodmac
Saturday, May 22, 2004
Roland Garros is near
yep! tennis fans out there, the 2nd grand slam of the year is about to take place in paris in june 4.
here's my my bet at the RG (not specifically winning)
1. marat safin - since his comeback he has been very good, showing in the finals of AO and finals at lisbon clay court
2. roger federer - he's on the run now
3. guillermo coria - he's improving and becoming dangerous
4. carlos moya - he'll reach the qtrs and that's it
5. leyton hewitt - i dont want to include him but what the hell, i think he cud make it till 4th round
underdogs:
roddick, fererro, calleri, robredo, haas.
hope safin cud win his most loved GS now! go go go go!
VAMOS SAFIN!
here's my my bet at the RG (not specifically winning)
1. marat safin - since his comeback he has been very good, showing in the finals of AO and finals at lisbon clay court
2. roger federer - he's on the run now
3. guillermo coria - he's improving and becoming dangerous
4. carlos moya - he'll reach the qtrs and that's it
5. leyton hewitt - i dont want to include him but what the hell, i think he cud make it till 4th round
underdogs:
roddick, fererro, calleri, robredo, haas.
hope safin cud win his most loved GS now! go go go go!
VAMOS SAFIN!
this entry was supposed to be last night until i ran out of internent account
'enriq, wer u na? tapos na duty ko mit na tayo'
'im here at bk un ave miting wit council, mit mark at plm duty sya dun'
the meeting was nothing but another boring episode of my SC career. i can't complain much, it's part of the job.
and phone rings
'o? ano?'
'nasan na kayo? ksama mo ba si ron?'
'no, punta pa ko plm dun ko siya mit'
'ganon punta pa kayo ng plm?'
'o......' and the phone collapsed in dead beat.
the meeting continues and i had a hundred jolting moments until alas it ended. i bid a quick farewell to my colleages and hurried my ass down the skul.
and there they are...mark has a patient whom he was treating with his so called "placebo theraphy" and ron sitting there trashing mark out of boredom. we went to rob place and met with aj at starbucks.
'enriq sabi ni mark manlilibre ka daw'
'ako? wala ako pera'
'cge na'
'i could only spend 1H on the both of you'
'yehey'
and there i was got fooled and baught a ruby red for mark and a cinamon roll for ron, and i got a choco frap that needless to say was irritating my throat.
'mark may kamukaha ka'
'lahat naman kamukha ko!'
we went to rent a computer at p.gil coz we aight got nothing to do. i went online and checked my stupid friendster and my mail. mark did the same only that he checked his new found online thingy...guys4men.com. it works just like friendster or ringo he said.
'enriq ba't di ka maggawa ng account dito?'
'di na kailangan!' and i burst out laughing. but seriously i won't, life is too complicated now and i don't want to complicate it even further.
'its 8, i have to go na'
'mamaya na enriq, wala pang 8, its still 7:45 on my watch'.
i beleive in my own watch, it still dictates me, and i paid my rent of 7 pesos (that's how quick i am to go online, not unless i would be downloading my mp3's), bid them goodbye and off i went home.
got an fx who's as hot as hell inside but i endured it just the same instead of me w8ting again, the last thing that i want is to be caught in the rain.
'im here at bk un ave miting wit council, mit mark at plm duty sya dun'
the meeting was nothing but another boring episode of my SC career. i can't complain much, it's part of the job.
and phone rings
'o? ano?'
'nasan na kayo? ksama mo ba si ron?'
'no, punta pa ko plm dun ko siya mit'
'ganon punta pa kayo ng plm?'
'o......' and the phone collapsed in dead beat.
the meeting continues and i had a hundred jolting moments until alas it ended. i bid a quick farewell to my colleages and hurried my ass down the skul.
and there they are...mark has a patient whom he was treating with his so called "placebo theraphy" and ron sitting there trashing mark out of boredom. we went to rob place and met with aj at starbucks.
'enriq sabi ni mark manlilibre ka daw'
'ako? wala ako pera'
'cge na'
'i could only spend 1H on the both of you'
'yehey'
and there i was got fooled and baught a ruby red for mark and a cinamon roll for ron, and i got a choco frap that needless to say was irritating my throat.
'mark may kamukaha ka'
'lahat naman kamukha ko!'
we went to rent a computer at p.gil coz we aight got nothing to do. i went online and checked my stupid friendster and my mail. mark did the same only that he checked his new found online thingy...guys4men.com. it works just like friendster or ringo he said.
'enriq ba't di ka maggawa ng account dito?'
'di na kailangan!' and i burst out laughing. but seriously i won't, life is too complicated now and i don't want to complicate it even further.
'its 8, i have to go na'
'mamaya na enriq, wala pang 8, its still 7:45 on my watch'.
i beleive in my own watch, it still dictates me, and i paid my rent of 7 pesos (that's how quick i am to go online, not unless i would be downloading my mp3's), bid them goodbye and off i went home.
got an fx who's as hot as hell inside but i endured it just the same instead of me w8ting again, the last thing that i want is to be caught in the rain.
Friday, May 21, 2004
Shampoo, the Amazon Lady
one of my favorite characters in ranma 1/2, shampoo! she swore to kill the girl type ranma after being beaten. one of my anime crushes. damn, its just so boring right now. i can't w8t for skul to start.
Thursday, May 20, 2004
modess with odor control
i saw this tv ad just awhile ago and it make me laugh all through out. i just thought it was ridiculous, for a man to sniff on a girl's ass on a movie and for the girl to even think of it. very primitive like dogs would in thier biological habit. hahahahha. i have to see it again and again and again! i just love it!
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
of circumcisions and whatnots
i was supposed to join an org this morning for an operation tule in san andres bukid but failed due a headache when i woke up 5:30 to prepare for the med mission. it left me back to my slumber and woke up at around 10.
it's fun doing circumcision. i get to be called "doc" by families i barely know and children respects me (which is rare by the way). i don't know but children usually get scared of me that's why im thinkin twice of becoming a pediatrician in my specialization. anyway, it's interesting to find that there are those children who possess dicks as small as my little finger and those that are big beyond their proportion. and i usually have a hard time operating on a dick that is as small as my pinkie, so id rather chose those that are well defined (no malice at all).
just a pity that a headache stopped me from making many gay men happy...coz just you know i make good looking dicks...har har har har!
***********************
axn is doing re-runs of ranma 1/2. yesterday it was the episode about kuno who's madly in love with pig-tailed ranma and has a sister who in turn is crazy for ranma and is vowed to beat akane for him. i remember watching ranma at channel 9 years ago (i think i was elementary then) and it had english dubbing which unlike now where they preserved the japanese speaking voice and only have english as subtitles. back then i had a crush on ryoga. hehehehe!
***********************
my eldest sister didn't go to work today for an interview with PS in makati. she's applying for HR there and i doubt if ever she could take the shifts and give my nephew her quality time as well. if she gets accepted there, what will happen to my sponsors...jag and lee? where will i get my clothes from? what the crap! if she gets to be paid well there i have nothing against it.
***********************
kfc has their new tv ad and its so funny. it is about two guys, one is munching on a new kfc product and the other with just an ice tea. the guy eating the kfc sandwich asked "gusto mo?" and to the other's delight answered "oo". and the guy who offered the sandwich licked the entire sandwich off and gave it to his refusing partner. i just remember i usually do this to my friends and my sisters. hahahaha
and another version with the same guy and the kfc sandwich asked a girl on the looby "gusto mo?" and of course much to the girl's anticipation answered "oo". plainly, the guy answered back "ako din e" and off he went munching on his food. it's just so funny! it looks like it's taken off from my works when i was in highschool and making fun of my friends. hahahahahahah. works everytime!
it's fun doing circumcision. i get to be called "doc" by families i barely know and children respects me (which is rare by the way). i don't know but children usually get scared of me that's why im thinkin twice of becoming a pediatrician in my specialization. anyway, it's interesting to find that there are those children who possess dicks as small as my little finger and those that are big beyond their proportion. and i usually have a hard time operating on a dick that is as small as my pinkie, so id rather chose those that are well defined (no malice at all).
just a pity that a headache stopped me from making many gay men happy...coz just you know i make good looking dicks...har har har har!
***********************
axn is doing re-runs of ranma 1/2. yesterday it was the episode about kuno who's madly in love with pig-tailed ranma and has a sister who in turn is crazy for ranma and is vowed to beat akane for him. i remember watching ranma at channel 9 years ago (i think i was elementary then) and it had english dubbing which unlike now where they preserved the japanese speaking voice and only have english as subtitles. back then i had a crush on ryoga. hehehehe!
***********************
my eldest sister didn't go to work today for an interview with PS in makati. she's applying for HR there and i doubt if ever she could take the shifts and give my nephew her quality time as well. if she gets accepted there, what will happen to my sponsors...jag and lee? where will i get my clothes from? what the crap! if she gets to be paid well there i have nothing against it.
***********************
kfc has their new tv ad and its so funny. it is about two guys, one is munching on a new kfc product and the other with just an ice tea. the guy eating the kfc sandwich asked "gusto mo?" and to the other's delight answered "oo". and the guy who offered the sandwich licked the entire sandwich off and gave it to his refusing partner. i just remember i usually do this to my friends and my sisters. hahahaha
and another version with the same guy and the kfc sandwich asked a girl on the looby "gusto mo?" and of course much to the girl's anticipation answered "oo". plainly, the guy answered back "ako din e" and off he went munching on his food. it's just so funny! it looks like it's taken off from my works when i was in highschool and making fun of my friends. hahahahahahah. works everytime!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
quit smoking
it's easy to make fun out of people's misery but its hard for those people to fake a laugh
************
i know the ins and outs of smoking...give me reasons for quitting smoking aside from those i already know!
************
i know the ins and outs of smoking...give me reasons for quitting smoking aside from those i already know!
ash castles
nothing is much more sadder than a rainy day. It was just me, my cigarette and a glass full of ice cold beer. The way i saw the flickering of my cigarette and the emerging smoke that elegantly waved pass out my bedroom window was so soothing and relaxing. I wish life could just be the same.
i have often been told to stop smoking. i even have a friend who loves me dearly but hates me intensely when i smoke. such extremes. its hard to quit on a bestfriend when you know that both of you had so much time spent together, troubled spared and endless nights of dreamy episodes. both of us grew together. unlike any other friends i got he's always there ready to listen. he gives me no nonsense advice, no mocking me around...he doesnt actually do anything...he's just there...always there without even questioning. he loves me so much and i love him too. i know we'll part ways too. in time i might find someone new who'd keep me away from him for good, or perhaps i might come to realize my susceptibility for CHD and break it up to him. But until then...until i have no one to spare my time with...until someone puts a light on me...me and my cigarette will continue building ash castles.
i have often been told to stop smoking. i even have a friend who loves me dearly but hates me intensely when i smoke. such extremes. its hard to quit on a bestfriend when you know that both of you had so much time spent together, troubled spared and endless nights of dreamy episodes. both of us grew together. unlike any other friends i got he's always there ready to listen. he gives me no nonsense advice, no mocking me around...he doesnt actually do anything...he's just there...always there without even questioning. he loves me so much and i love him too. i know we'll part ways too. in time i might find someone new who'd keep me away from him for good, or perhaps i might come to realize my susceptibility for CHD and break it up to him. But until then...until i have no one to spare my time with...until someone puts a light on me...me and my cigarette will continue building ash castles.
Monday, May 17, 2004
drinking alone
well just when i thought many wud come last night, only one did. and im gald she did share with me one bottle of beer coz god knows i'd die of boredom hadn't she come. nevertheless, when she left, i was back drinkin alone. i still have 3 bottles spared so any takers?! hehehehe!
Sunday, May 16, 2004
at last!
whew! now i figured out how to make links and add a tagboard on my site. im really a certified geek! hehehe. :) its fiesta hir in our subd and its like no fiesta at all. tahimik and wala man lang bandiritas. ok lang, im still waiting for a few friends to come over and have some drink...yup you heard it right another drinking spree. hehehe. ciao!
wasted and psychosomatic
last night i went out with four of my high school friends. One went out with me to watch troy and one went back to work and the other two went out dinner. i've never really liked brad pitt not until now. the last movie i remember i watched of him was the interview with the vampire and the rest of the movie he made i didnt care. i don't know if it was the butt exposure (which he's good at) that made me like him, but most certainly it was the character. though he didnt look greek to me, but somehow the character was played well...very well. it was a good movie but not much of an epic for me...i give it 3.5 out of 4 (naks review night).
well, after the movie we went to club halo where my friend was the marketing manager. and i, a sucker for free drinks, made myself tipsy that night. i just had 2 vodkas and 1 mule though, but i guess the sound and the lights made me tipsy (it was horrible...just not my type). hehehe. i can't help but wonder how my friends are now starting to be successful in thier lives. they've been earning quite a lot. and i also cant help but envy them of their careers. in that club, i felt that im still a little kid...and i have money from mama in my pocket. but the thing is, i cannot live a life of party. it just isnt me. no matter how i love to drink and fill my lungs with smoke i still prefer the more laid back life i have now. where i just go out, go home, sleep, and dream.
when me and my friends met i have often been asked "how am i?"...i kept saying im ok now, that im over and sober. but i wonder am i really? but one thing is for sure, its glad to be back with my friends...im glad im starting to make a new start...
i woke up this morning and felt wasted from all the drinks i had. i still have gel on my hair and my breath stinks. but don't fret my admirers, i cleaned up, i took a bath...smell me im good! hehehehe
maybe my depression is just psychosomatic...
well, after the movie we went to club halo where my friend was the marketing manager. and i, a sucker for free drinks, made myself tipsy that night. i just had 2 vodkas and 1 mule though, but i guess the sound and the lights made me tipsy (it was horrible...just not my type). hehehe. i can't help but wonder how my friends are now starting to be successful in thier lives. they've been earning quite a lot. and i also cant help but envy them of their careers. in that club, i felt that im still a little kid...and i have money from mama in my pocket. but the thing is, i cannot live a life of party. it just isnt me. no matter how i love to drink and fill my lungs with smoke i still prefer the more laid back life i have now. where i just go out, go home, sleep, and dream.
when me and my friends met i have often been asked "how am i?"...i kept saying im ok now, that im over and sober. but i wonder am i really? but one thing is for sure, its glad to be back with my friends...im glad im starting to make a new start...
i woke up this morning and felt wasted from all the drinks i had. i still have gel on my hair and my breath stinks. but don't fret my admirers, i cleaned up, i took a bath...smell me im good! hehehehe
maybe my depression is just psychosomatic...
Thursday, May 13, 2004
Try this with MS WORD
this one is cool. just found out awhile ago. Open ms word. At the panel at the level of the files tab you will see a drop down blank item that says "type in a question". You can ask anything you want and you will find all the answer you needed. For starters i asked...am i cute?. and believe it or not it gave me an honest to goodness reply. try it and come back to me if it works well with you too. :)
The Pathophysiology of a Blind Date
Etiology: stems from the primordial need for a relationship
Physiology:
A blind date is a mechanism of effort. One has to go through a blind date to find a cure. It’s a defense mechanism. Everyone has this as an alternative for a CHD (chronic heart disease). It works this way; a person you love hurt you, you broke up, you’re lonely, alone and depressed. Suddenly your whole body aches. You are desperate to have that feeling of being loved again. And you want to be loved again. You do all silly things to find someone who has the cure. And you end up on a blind date. Basically in a blind date you meet someone whom you really don’t know or perhaps barely know. You have dinner, or watch a movie or have coffee...just enough to kill the time while you two are together. After a while you get the feeling of likeness between the two of you. A mutual understanding for that matter. And you go on having more dates and you eventually become committed to one another. And thus a “relationship”
Pathology:
Going through a blind date is perilous. It’s like entering a cave without knowing if there is a way out. You just can’t see a light. But for some who’s courageous enough to trek the entire cave, a light can be seen. But for the most part you can’t see anything. That’s why it is called a blind date in the first place. There are three possible scenarios for this case. Its either the one you met likes you but you don’t and vice versa or both of you don’t like each other which in the most likelihood of events is but a waste of time. Rejection is inevitable in all forms of a blind date. And it’s hard to reject people mind you; much harder than to be rejected. Either way you just have to accept the fact that it is bound to happen. And when it does it could crush all the littlest confidence you have.
Medication:
Enormous dosage of confidence. No matter how ugly the outcome of a blind date could be as long as you have confidence any side effects could be eliminated easily. Or if you are allergic to confidence (just like i am), don’t try going to a blind date until prescribed by your love doctor. One word of advice...blind date should be undergone gradually. Trust me!
Physiology:
A blind date is a mechanism of effort. One has to go through a blind date to find a cure. It’s a defense mechanism. Everyone has this as an alternative for a CHD (chronic heart disease). It works this way; a person you love hurt you, you broke up, you’re lonely, alone and depressed. Suddenly your whole body aches. You are desperate to have that feeling of being loved again. And you want to be loved again. You do all silly things to find someone who has the cure. And you end up on a blind date. Basically in a blind date you meet someone whom you really don’t know or perhaps barely know. You have dinner, or watch a movie or have coffee...just enough to kill the time while you two are together. After a while you get the feeling of likeness between the two of you. A mutual understanding for that matter. And you go on having more dates and you eventually become committed to one another. And thus a “relationship”
Pathology:
Going through a blind date is perilous. It’s like entering a cave without knowing if there is a way out. You just can’t see a light. But for some who’s courageous enough to trek the entire cave, a light can be seen. But for the most part you can’t see anything. That’s why it is called a blind date in the first place. There are three possible scenarios for this case. Its either the one you met likes you but you don’t and vice versa or both of you don’t like each other which in the most likelihood of events is but a waste of time. Rejection is inevitable in all forms of a blind date. And it’s hard to reject people mind you; much harder than to be rejected. Either way you just have to accept the fact that it is bound to happen. And when it does it could crush all the littlest confidence you have.
Medication:
Enormous dosage of confidence. No matter how ugly the outcome of a blind date could be as long as you have confidence any side effects could be eliminated easily. Or if you are allergic to confidence (just like i am), don’t try going to a blind date until prescribed by your love doctor. One word of advice...blind date should be undergone gradually. Trust me!
for love or money
My bestfriend called me just this evening and she talked of this guy he really liked. According to her, he has everything, and when she means everything that means all the material possessions anyone could have...well sort of. The gist of the conversation was that she’s afraid, not of falling for the guy but for having met a guy way above her. Having a guy who has everything puts her in a state of insecurity. It’s weird i know. And now i have come to question...does money precedes all else?
It is like the TV show “for love or money”. You have to choose which power trip to go to. To those that participates in that show...I SALUTE YOU! If i were given a chance to choose from either love or money i’d probably go away with the money and later on buy the person i wish to have. Hehehehe. But i can’t. i don’t have the guts anyway!
It is like the TV show “for love or money”. You have to choose which power trip to go to. To those that participates in that show...I SALUTE YOU! If i were given a chance to choose from either love or money i’d probably go away with the money and later on buy the person i wish to have. Hehehehe. But i can’t. i don’t have the guts anyway!
the art of being pathetic
Being pathetic is easy but the hard thing is how to make it last. I can’t say im a pro at it but allow me to say that i have my share of it (not to mention being one for the longest time).
First things first...be a desperado (ala Camille Velasco). I am a desperate crap for loneliness, romantic idealism and believe it...but also happiness. It’s a matter of thinking over and over again of things that you miss out and missing out on life (that includes sex). Being desperate is not just being persistent but the mere fact that you think you are is enough to make you one. If you are like writing this stuff and feels that you are not making sense...then you are one...just like me!
Second, relive the past memories. Hold on to it like you have got no future and sooner or later you’ll be accustomed to smiling anytime, anywhere just with a second that you remember yourself holding hands with your ex or kissing him. And then you snap back into your own reality and find yourself alone and miserable in a mall or in a transit. And there you are a certified pathetic.
Third, don’t believe something good could happen. Being a pessimist is one thing but cynical is something one should master. I know im still not good at this so i shall not elaborate any further.
Fourth, be a martyr. There is no other greater feeling in a pathetic person but the feeling that you are hurt and no one has the right to get hurt than you are. It’s like taking in all the dirtiness of this world and sinking it in a ball and keeping it to yourself. You cannot hurt your ex though he has done awful things to you nor hurt your friends coz they cant understand you. In the end it will be you feeling sympathetic for yourself. The martyr syndrome works every time you want to feel lonely.
And lastly, don’t cry...at least not yet. Bottle up all your emotions. Keep it for future use. It will be synonymous to the holy grail or the fountain of youth or some kind of an antidote when time comes that you needed a reinforcement because you are feeling happy and somehow in your subconsciousness you feel the guilt that you are pathetic and want to return into one before everything is too late and you end up in the cycle again of being hurt, alone and lonely. Above all else you want to be STILL.
But look on the brighter side coz there isn’t any. Everything could change. Its a matter of choice. I’m sure there is a greater reason to turn the whole world upside down...like love. But unless i find it...im content into being pathetic.
Calling all ye single ones...come to me and make me LOVED! Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
First things first...be a desperado (ala Camille Velasco). I am a desperate crap for loneliness, romantic idealism and believe it...but also happiness. It’s a matter of thinking over and over again of things that you miss out and missing out on life (that includes sex). Being desperate is not just being persistent but the mere fact that you think you are is enough to make you one. If you are like writing this stuff and feels that you are not making sense...then you are one...just like me!
Second, relive the past memories. Hold on to it like you have got no future and sooner or later you’ll be accustomed to smiling anytime, anywhere just with a second that you remember yourself holding hands with your ex or kissing him. And then you snap back into your own reality and find yourself alone and miserable in a mall or in a transit. And there you are a certified pathetic.
Third, don’t believe something good could happen. Being a pessimist is one thing but cynical is something one should master. I know im still not good at this so i shall not elaborate any further.
Fourth, be a martyr. There is no other greater feeling in a pathetic person but the feeling that you are hurt and no one has the right to get hurt than you are. It’s like taking in all the dirtiness of this world and sinking it in a ball and keeping it to yourself. You cannot hurt your ex though he has done awful things to you nor hurt your friends coz they cant understand you. In the end it will be you feeling sympathetic for yourself. The martyr syndrome works every time you want to feel lonely.
And lastly, don’t cry...at least not yet. Bottle up all your emotions. Keep it for future use. It will be synonymous to the holy grail or the fountain of youth or some kind of an antidote when time comes that you needed a reinforcement because you are feeling happy and somehow in your subconsciousness you feel the guilt that you are pathetic and want to return into one before everything is too late and you end up in the cycle again of being hurt, alone and lonely. Above all else you want to be STILL.
But look on the brighter side coz there isn’t any. Everything could change. Its a matter of choice. I’m sure there is a greater reason to turn the whole world upside down...like love. But unless i find it...im content into being pathetic.
Calling all ye single ones...come to me and make me LOVED! Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
being twenty something
Being Twenty-Something
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't
exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you
have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you
thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and
realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you
want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your
life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why
you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't
exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you
have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job. It is not even close to what you
thought you could be doing or maybe you are looking for one and
realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you
want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your
life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why
you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.
You go through the same emotions and questions over
and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
dark side of my sign
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
You have a martyr complex, feeling that you were put
on this earth to do good work and not receive any credit for it. You tend to be ultra critical of yourself and others and you also worry about things hat are beyond your control. A little pessimistic sometimes, you tend to be an intellectual
snob. You bottle up all your insecurities and fears,
and hesitate to reach out for help. And once in a while, you become a busybody - that's when you also feel responsible for other people's problems.
Advice:
Modesty has its own limits - take credit for your
efforts. Give yourself a break and know that you do not have to be successful in everything you do. Keep focused and don't get tangled in other people's affairs too often.
You have a martyr complex, feeling that you were put
on this earth to do good work and not receive any credit for it. You tend to be ultra critical of yourself and others and you also worry about things hat are beyond your control. A little pessimistic sometimes, you tend to be an intellectual
snob. You bottle up all your insecurities and fears,
and hesitate to reach out for help. And once in a while, you become a busybody - that's when you also feel responsible for other people's problems.
Advice:
Modesty has its own limits - take credit for your
efforts. Give yourself a break and know that you do not have to be successful in everything you do. Keep focused and don't get tangled in other people's affairs too often.
infectious and DNR
Its funny how i’m so fascinated with death that my curiosity left me with fear of “why now”...
Monday, our dog died of rabies, which according to my vet med classmate was a dumb case. And yes there are two types of rabies infection, the dumb one where the dog would have paranoia of being hurt even though you’re 5 meters away from him (take note even a sound frightens him) and the other one is the wild type which is the typical form where the dog rages to bite you. I didn’t knew he had one that’s why i even loosened his neck of his band Sunday prior to his death and after my arrival from my climb to Gulugod mountain. The thing is he isn’t yet showing signs of the disease that day. My worry now is whether he could infect me through aerial transmission. Although i didnt touch his oral cavity nor went any near to it, still the fear that i might have been infected is really stressing me off. Anyway, i still have 14 days till i see the signs of muscle cramps, dryness of the throat, fever, headache and of course paranoia. I’m not too enthusiastic of it though you can tell i am by the way i construct these statements.
Just come to think of it i might die of a very undignified sense. How pathetic could i get, i dont have a lover, im pathetic, my ex’s seemed to be nonexistent and im feeling stressed out of all this. BUT I’M STILL SAFE!!!! Anyone of you who dares to kiss me DO IT! JUST DO IT...i badly need it! Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.................HA!
Monday, our dog died of rabies, which according to my vet med classmate was a dumb case. And yes there are two types of rabies infection, the dumb one where the dog would have paranoia of being hurt even though you’re 5 meters away from him (take note even a sound frightens him) and the other one is the wild type which is the typical form where the dog rages to bite you. I didn’t knew he had one that’s why i even loosened his neck of his band Sunday prior to his death and after my arrival from my climb to Gulugod mountain. The thing is he isn’t yet showing signs of the disease that day. My worry now is whether he could infect me through aerial transmission. Although i didnt touch his oral cavity nor went any near to it, still the fear that i might have been infected is really stressing me off. Anyway, i still have 14 days till i see the signs of muscle cramps, dryness of the throat, fever, headache and of course paranoia. I’m not too enthusiastic of it though you can tell i am by the way i construct these statements.
Just come to think of it i might die of a very undignified sense. How pathetic could i get, i dont have a lover, im pathetic, my ex’s seemed to be nonexistent and im feeling stressed out of all this. BUT I’M STILL SAFE!!!! Anyone of you who dares to kiss me DO IT! JUST DO IT...i badly need it! Nya ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.................HA!
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
picking myself up
im an emotional wreck...im standing still...waiting to be turned over. a quarter of me is left behind in the past, haunting me. now, i want to find a way to get that. and i will find a way. i must find a way...
i may not be alone but im lonely...
i may not be alone but im lonely...
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