my nana's christmas wish

i just arrived home from our xmas getaway togther with my nana. dami ko dala, gifts for my nana, for his nephews and niece, toys for kuya jing's son (adopted child na namin ng nana), chocolates for my nana who always have a sweet tooth for anything, danish cookies (last resort ko to kse wala pala fita biscuits sa duty free).

my nana bought me 10 gifts, a polo from g2000, kenneth cole signature perfume, accacapa cologne, a trodat with ink, toronto cap, vintage wine for my parents, caps and shirts for my male residents, and a toy for margaux's son, but the best of it all is the OMEGA seadiver's watch in rose gold. grabe sobrang dami ng gift ng nana ko. nahiya tuloy ako. kse yung gift ko sa kanya accacapa din na cologne. hahaha. bawi na lang ako sa bday mo nana. hehehe. sorry paula ang onti ng bigay sakin ng asawa ko. tsk! hahahaha



this is the 1st xmas where i recieved tons of gifts. the other day while me and my family were going home from MOA, my dad commented "ang pasko para na lang tlga sa mga bata". i sighed and just kept quiet. i realized now that there's no reason to equate xmas with kids coz i felt like a kid again opening gifts from my nana. i was elated. i knew nana spent a lot na naman for me though he kept on telling me to be thrifty coz we will be moving out soon to our own home. thank you nana.

above all else the best gift i have ever recieved was my nana himself. he continues to be the best husband anyone could have. his care and his utmost sincerity with his love always makes me proud that i finally met someone like him. a lot of people say im too lucky to have him. i say, he's too lucky he got me. hahaha. and i declare that fact. di ba nana? hahaha. i could not ask for anything more this christmas. i have everything i need. i have a life full of love, a relationship built on trust, fidelity and understanding, and a husband that is priceless. thank you nana for eveything. saying i love you, thanking you would not account to match the love you have been giving me, the only thing that i can assure you of is that im always here for you, for all ways and always. i love you so dearly. i miss you already.

pictures 2

pictures

holiday happy days

i have always had a grudge with christmas and the holiday season. why? since childhood i barely recall one happy christmas. i was sickly back then and i dont know for such reason why sickness always come on christmas season. i even have pictures where all of my family were in nice dresses and me in my pajamas coz im bedridden. sigh. its either i was sick or my parents werent home for christmas. medicine life came and i was even more exhausted with christmas. last year during my internship, due to my depression, i aggreed to take all eve duties, christmas eve and new years eve. it was an eye opener for me. it was hard going through work during those times but i have managed to enjoyed it though. i remember, last year's new years eve, i was alone in the male quarters at the 11th floor, watching all the fire works and smoking through our window, wishing that a stray bullet would come and hit me right then. bad thought i know but honestly i was hoping it would happen just to know how many people would come to my rescue. hehehe. i was too morbid back then.

this year is a whole lot different. 2008 had been good to me. its the year i got my liscence, the year i finally decided how my life would go as a physician and the year were i feel so complete coz of my nana. this is the first christmas i would be spending with someone i love. i was bargaining with nina to give me the christmas duty so that i could have more time with my nana but i guess her need was more than i wanted. right now im enjoying my vacation. a week long vacation may seem to be too little time to spend with family, friends and nana. i hope i could extend more.

nana and i are on our 10th month, going 11th, on febuary we'll turn a year. so fast. i still remember all the first times. the chat, the call, the meet up. i never thought we'd end up together and stay this long. honestly, i was dying to be his bf eversince i met him. di ko lang pinahalata ng masyado na patay na patay ako sa kanya. hahaha. many people say ang swerte ko sa asawa ko. maalaga, sweet, mapagmahal. he never left me all throughout my first months in residency. he would always make time to see me at work, bring me foods and just recently sponsored our door prizes for our christmas party which to every people's delight was a sold out. i know i have much to thank God for giving him to me. his pure heart who always extend to people in need always makes me proud. i have never met someone who's heart is always geared towards other people's need that sometimes he sacrifices himself to a certaing degree. i wonder how he can put up with all of this, that's why i stay away from pressuring him. i always try to give him support and unconditional love which i hope reaches him even in the littlest measurement. its right when people say that with having a relationship every priorities you have will change. now, i always make it a point that my nana know where i am, who im with and what im doing, my decisions are without his opinion. i value my nana so much that i consider him my life.

this morning, my nana got troubled when their househelp screamed that his dog was dead. imagine him crying while brushing his teeth (eksena sa teleserye ng evagina fondle) tapus lumabas sya ng nakatapis, na pinagtinginan sya ng mga tao na kumakagat kagat pa ng labi. di pala dead si doggy, labas lang ang dila at mukhang nag hypogly lang, so my nana got relieved. i guess dun nakuha ng nana ang galing nya sa pag alaga sakin (aso ako e), at ang galing ko sa pagmamahal ng amo ko. hahaha. di naman ako lumalaban sau nana di ba? tsk! love ko yang nana ko.

this christmas, i dont have much to wish but for my nana's happiness, that God would always bring him blessings, in his work and to his family. that God always bring him good health. i love him so much that i cannot afford to lose him. thank you nana for always sharing your life with me, for keeping up with me all through these times, may it be hard time or those happy times. thank you for loving my family and friends. thank you for being part of my life. thank you for making me feel special this christmas and in everyday. i don't want to lose you. i cant wait to be with you in one house. i promise to take care of you and to love you for more years to come.

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Say You'll Never Go

How can I make it through the day
Without you
You have been so much a part of me
(and if you'll go)
I'll never know what to do
How can I carry on my way
The memories
When all that is left is the pain of my history
Why should I live my life today

I cannot live out on my own
And just forget the love you've always shown
And accept the fate of my condition
Please don't ever go
For I cannot live my life alone

CHORUS:
Say you'll never go
Say you'll never go out my way
Say you'll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you'll never go
Say you'll never go away

How can I make my dreams come true
Without you
You were the one who gave love to me
(And don't you know)
You are my fantasy

I cannot live out on my own
(I can't do anything at all)
And just forget the love you've always shown
And accept the fate of my condition

Please don't ever go
For I cannot live my life alone

CHORUS:
Say you'll never go
Say you'll never go out my way
Say you'll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you'll never go
Say you'll never go away

(Instrumental)

CHORUS:
Say you'll never go
Say you'll never go out my way
Say you'll never go
For we can still go on
And make it through
Just say you'll never go
Say you'll never go away

what would life has to offer

earlier this morning i joined a small medical mission in paranaque. i really didnt want to go since i know how toxic a medical mission is and the fact that it is raining. i was already envisioning myself soaking wet mixed in perspiration and rain. i didnt hurry myself getting dressed, coz i know for a fact that the people i will be with would be coming in late more than i am. so i arrived at the place a good 45 minutes earlier and as expected my collegues were late. thus giving me time to eat at 711. i miss their hotdog sandwich. it was my staple food when i was an intern at MCM. the medical mission started at around 9:30, we finished by 11:00, and i had a total 20 patients seen. funny coz one of my patients commented that i look 25. for the first time, someone looked at me being younger than my age (my average age was 28-30). she told me that i look happy-go-lucky, someone without a care in the world and masarap kausap. going through my morning was painful, i was relived she had such a comment about me, i just realized magaling pa pala ako magtago ng emotions ko. hehehehe.

when i got back, after a few exhachange of texts from by nana, he told me to get some sleep. which i did. a dream woke me up. in my dream, i was given a sunday duty by my chief resident for not informing her that i would be going directly to the medical mission, and that my husband got frustrated since we were bound to go somewhere else. i was crying and crying. and texted my nani about my dream.

lately i feel that ang dami kong hang-ups sa buhay. i cannot blame anyone else but me, which makes me more frustrated lately. minsan gusto kong pukpukin ang ulo ko sa kung anu anung pumapasok sa utak ko. i have so many things that i would want to do but i cant. or i have the time to spend but its limited. doc pia said the other day, that as i grow older, as i proceed with my residency, i should be wiser enough to take all the pressures. she said in residency there will come a time that in the middle of it all youd question yourself of your worth. the bad thing is im just starting and im already questioning myself. maybe im too busy hurrying things up that i cant wait for things to finish.

the other day, my nani and i had a talk about life and work. i myself also have my share of pressure moments. im pressured about work. everyday, at work, at this early point, i feel that i have to do better, that i have to prove more to my seniors and consultants. one duty, doc aimee, doc lea, doc jim and i were chatting, and laughing, making jokes, when one specific joke was put on me: "kaya kita tinanggap kse wala na ko mapili". i knew it was a joke and i was made to beleive that it was. but i also knew it was half true when i entered the department, we were 4 pre-res that applied. slowly the others disintegrated and i was the only one left standing. and nina came and i had a batchmate. there are times when i feel like i dont belong. especially when the consultants are there. but my nani kept telling me that i didnt entered training to make friends. he is right. but of course, there are still moments that i feel outcasted, that all my moves are being monitored, my language limited.

im glad my husband has always been there for me. without him i guess im left broken. last friday he came to visit me at work and brought me foods and "grocery showcase" hehehe. i really appreciate him. i know he feels that im too hard to please but even without the visits, even if only our communication is through text and phone conversation, i want to let him know that i am contented. though there are tantrums i make coz we havent spent time together longer as i would like us to be, but all those were just lambing. i dont mean in any way pressure my nani with that. actually, i am the one more pressured coz my nani has been doing all the efforts and i feel that i dont. i want to reciprocate all his deeds and all the things he gives but i feel i can do only so much. i want to pick him up from work, drive him home (i dont mind having not enough sleep driving, ive done that before and im willing to do the same with him), bring him food for lunch, take him out to dinner were i would be paying, giving him all that he needs. im praying to God every night that i make my husband happy. i await that day that i would be of service to my husband everyday once we get our own place. when i told doc pia about our plans to live together she said mahirap yun. i asked why. she said "pag nagsama kau di mo na mabibili mga gusto mo kse most of your salary will be used to keep the two of you stable". i just said im willing to do that coz in the first place di naman ako maluhong tao. i dont even buy clothes often and only when i needed it. right now, im trying to be thrifty. my nani gave me money and im bound to save it. though little i still want to share. wierd nga lang kse parang babalik lang sa kanya yung money. hehehe.

as i grow older, im slowly realizing that life isnt rountinary, that it is hard. i now beleive margaux and tim. there were the ones who matured more earlier than i am. i guess bata pa nga tlaga ako. madami pa ko dapat intindihin sa buhay. but i will not get my age be a hinder to my growth. im just hoping that throughout my growth i still have my nani beside me. wala nang dapat pang makinabang and makasaksi sa growth ko as a person but my asawa. coz all my life is all about him.

i love you hon.

_______________________________________________

i was rummaging my friendster messages and i came across my nani's msgs way back february and march:
---------
you look so damn great sa pics mo....swerte ko talaga sa asawa ko...gwapo na, matalino pa, sweet pa, sexy pa at napaka mapagmahal....love you so much my honey, my asawa! - 3/13/08
---------
Hi Hon. I just finished reading your blog entries from feb to september 2007. It's 12:53am in my laptop clock. Just want you to know that the more I learn about the things that youve been through for the past year of your life, the deeper i get into this emotion called LOVE. Im sorry if I tend to be bratty when it comes to issues regarding your past bf. I guess im just being insecure coz I know you spent a hell lot more time with him compared to the days that we have been "dating" hehehe....One thing is for sure.. I want to make more memories with you.I mean BETTER memories.And I want to make it a point that what we have right now will be our last relationship.Sana ito na hinahanap natin pareho. I will be here to support you in all your endeavors. I know youll make it through in the board exams coz God knows our plans. He knows our desire to be of help to those who are in need, like Kuya Jing. Thank you for being so compassionate to those who are not as lucky as we are...
If i have to live my life all over again, I'd still choose to meet someone like you.And would definitely choose to love you over and over again...
I love you with all my heart.

hon mo - 3/1/08
-----------
Im still awake...thanks for forwarding the lyrics of YOU And I...
Just want you to know that i'm still in high heavens coz I never thought that Ill find someone in the most unusual room. hehehe...thanks for being you....wala na ko hahanapin pa dahil nasa yo na lahat ng hinahanap ko like looks, intellect, sense of humor, compassionate, affectionate ( and of course, the ultimate, the virginity, waaaaaahhh)..hope you wont change....
i love you with all my heart.

honey mo - 2/10/08

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pls view, comment and vote for PGH, OMMC and Madocs ENT HNS video for the PSO annual video making contest.

link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTr9s1HnrRY

Scratch papers, understanding and memories

Yesterday, around 3:30 in the afternoon, I decided to bring the results of my/nani's urine drug test at OM. He told me that it's the last day of submission coz that's the only thing that he lacks and its one of the numerous requirements that he should provide in order to finalize his employment as an ENT resident at OM. Pressure ang pag provide ko ng specimen coz my nani is too tamad to urinate and give it to us for processing. Ako ba naman ang pinagsubmit ng specimen and was tasked to label my urine as his pee! tsk tsk tsk....medical ethics honey ko!hmp.

Anyway, my visit was a big surprise for him coz I told him that my messenger will be the one to bring the results sa "dispensaryo" ( the way they call the out patient department at OM) ng ENT. When i got there, he was sitted beside Doc Jim and was just making pa-cute coz they're seeing OPD patients. His eyes lit up when he saw me and realized that it wasnt my messenger who brought the drug test results! Bihira ko na lang makita ang nani ko na ngumingiti ng ganung katamis! Those are the moments na hindi mabibili ng kahit anong pera sa mundo! hehehehe....Together with the lab results, I also brought a lot of SCRATCH PAPERS to be used by my nani as prescription pads when they prescribe meds to patients at the OM Dispensario. The reason behind this is that, the last time he went to my office, he saw some scratch papers and asked if he can have those coz wala daw sila presription pads sa OM! Naawa naman ako and handed all of my scratch papers to my nani. So a day before I visited him sa OM, I collected all the scratch papers that I can find inside my office and gave them all to my nani.This also made him really happy! Ang babaw nampota! hahahahaha! Perhaps, this is the trait that I like most about him. He's still a child at heart. Kahit gano kasimpleng bagay, sobrang appreciative yan. Kahit dalhan ko lang ng chicharon sa duty nya. Kahit KFC lang. Kahit ano. Masaya na siya dun. Mababaw ang kaligayahan. Although minsan mayabang pag kumanta. Or minsan matigas ang ulo. Sumasagot pag pinagalitan. Pag sinabihan kong sasampalin ko siya dahil pasaway, sasagot ng "subukan mo, sisipain naman kita sa balls"...O di ba...ang bait...parang bata talaga...ayaw patalo! hehehe....

These could be the very reasons why we click together. I love to eat junk foods (the way kids do), and my nani acts and thinks like a toddler in most instances. Hindi applicable sa min yung principle ng iba na opposites attract each other. Sa amin, we are of the same polarities but we are so attached to each other! What fascinates me the most is that mentally retarded as he may seem to be, surprisingly, he is a very responsible individual. He knows his priorities in life. He is very driven in terms of career growth. And he knows how to balance everything. He never takes our relationship for granted. He never fails to text or call me kahit na nasa ER yan at nagsesermon sa patients nya. Kahit nag ra-rounds sa ward. I may not be that vocal about it but I really admire him for that. Sometimes, I still think of him as a baby sometimes (coz mukha talagang totoy!) who shouldn't be allowed to go far or be out of his guardian's sight coz he might get lost or mess things up, but, I have this "yabang" inside my head that kahit na mukhang batang paslit yang honey ko, doctor na yan at sobrang determined yan to be succesful in his chosen field.

It’s been quite a while since we last hugged each other to sleep. I perfectly understand how toxic he is for the past weeks and I’m still giving him the chance to adjust to his new life as an ENT resident, physically, intellectually and emotionally. Mas ok naman ang ENT compared sa OB coz hindi talaga pang may bf ang OB-GYNE! Hihihihi…Nevertheless, we always make it a point to see each other as often as we can, kahit sandaling bisita lang sa ospital ok na sa min yun. Basta makita lang namin ang isat isa. Now I know that the key to a harmonious relationship is UNDERSTANDING. Without it, I don’t know how we could survive the past 9 months (going on 10 months soon, yehey!) that we’re together.

We both may have our tantrums at times when we get frustrated with our careers. And considering that we’re both type A personalities (dominant, results oriented and high risk for HPN and CAD), we can still balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses. When one is feeling weak, the stronger one gets to uplift the spirit of the other back to its normal state.

There were countless times that my nani asked me about the certainty that I feel for this relationship. Many times I answered him that I can’t imagine myself being with someone else than him when I grow old. At this point in our relationship, I already have thousands of good MEMORIES with my nani. I hope to have more of those. However, it led me to think….hmmnnnn…..memories are created and recalled when you part ways with someone who has made a difference in your life. Well, guess I wouldn’t be needing memories with my nani because I will be sharing my life with him…. Real soon… and for a significant period of time… Love you my nani…advance happy 10th monthsary.


My Days are brighter than morning air
Evergreen pine and autumn blue
But all my days are twice as fair
If I could share my life with you


And time weaves ribbons of memories
To sweeten life when youth is through
But I would need no memories there
If I could share my life with you……


“With You” from the Broadway musical “PIPPIN”

my husband, my life

i have been doing my duties at ENT-HNS department since october, so far im enjoying it. like OB, it is skill intensive. im now adept to indirect laryngoscopy, ear suctioning, foreign body removal and suturing wounds, making diagnosis and what nots. but aside from the skill i have gained in almost two months of rigorous training, i have learned that in residency training i have to be mature enough to handle the pressures. i used to be too trivial with all the issues concerning the department. how my seniors handle us or how i see them handling themselves. there are a lot of times that i get to be reprimanded, taught because of my lack of dicisive instict but nevertheless i learned. i havent cried yet. im sure i would in the future when all things becomes unbearable... i guess all will come to pass.

though ENT-HNS training has put me into the advantage of having time with my family and husband, still the longing of being together with them is limited.

my husband has been there all through those times. he would drop by the hospital on my duty and bring me foods or just to linger at the ER. i miss those times when i was an intern where i was free to go about my life. but i guess that cant stay forever. i have to grow. thats why i appreciate my husband in times like these. the fact that i cant go out as often as i would like to, he makes it a point that he gives his own time for my cause. quite selfish of me at times when i wanted even more. but as days go by and as i feed on the fact that my husband will never leave me gives me the courage and hope that soon we will be together in one house and spend each waking day together.

sometimes during my duties, i think of quitting. i have questioned myself why am i doing this whole thing. why cant i just go spend my entire life with my husband. my nani kept on telling me that its for our future. countless times my husband would tell me how burned out he is with work, how pressures in his family, work and in me sometimes makes him want to quit as well. we havent spent long hours together for almost 3 weeks now, the last that we were together was a week ago which was a good 2 hours landian, but realizing my husband's need, i thought that my training would soon be of use to him. i have always imagine, that id be doing all the work for him once i get my own practice. i guess thats the only solace i could give for my husband for all the effort he has put in his own life. but that would entail a lot of hard days and nights to get through.

since day 1 of residency, i have always thought of my husband as my driving force. i always look forward for that day that we would be together. unlike any other MD's who's main goal was to be good at their training, i for one think of being a good husband to my nani. well i guess, being good at my training is also a requirement but everything that i do, i always attribute to him. i dont know if thats a selfish move, but thats what keeps me going. i never felt like this to anyone. i would be even willing to quit when he says so. i love my husband so much that i have made him my life. and i can feel that he too is the same. thats why i dont want to fail him.

funny coz we havent fought or argued these past few months, for that reasone we even came to play that we do argue and fight. he would text me: "ang mga anak natin wala nang makain dahil puro ka patiente" or, "sbi mo lalabas mo kme magaama at pupunta tau sa parke at mamamasyal tau pero hindi lagi ka na lang nagoopera" or, we even argue who would take our future kids to skul. those texts always put a smile on me. he is so kulet. and i know that that is his way of relieving his tension from work. hes a kid at heart. he can live with pancake, lemonsquare cheese cake and voice combo as diet. one time he texted me how his tummy is increasing in size, i told him dont worry coz i myself cant see my pototoy on standing. hahaha. im so lucky to have my nani tlaga.

sometimes i wish i lived in the same pace as my husband. but as what he tells me countless times, that everything that has happened in the past, made its way for us to be together. im still in the query of not knowing how to make my husband happy, but i know from the fact that my very existence in his life is as important and as rewarding as my love for him.

i love you honey! thanks you for being my husband.

Nine months with my Nani

In 2 weeks' time, me and my nani will celebrate our 9th month together. Ang bilis ng panahon...it seems like yesterday when we first met, when we first sang together, when we first had our dinner date, our first fight, etc.etc....but we're proud to say that for the past 9 months of our lives, our relationship is going stronger than ever. We have learned to appreciate quality time better than quantity time. And talking about quality time,even if we just steal some time from our works during office hours ( like last tuesday, in the middle of my meeting, he texted me and said, "daan lang ako sandali sa office mo ha to give you your dessert na cake") , we managed to have fun together....kahit sandali lang na time, just seeing each other, making kulitan, laugh our hearts out,eat a quick lunch, are some moments which make our relationship more concrete...I know how busy my nani is. Yan ang buhay ng residente. Toxic. Been there, done that.

I visited him during one of his ER duties...nasa aquarium pala sila sa OM.Yung lugar ng mga ENT is inside a glass room... isolated from the rest of the departments...and may sarili silang window type aircon, hehehe(peace nani!) Tapos yung mga kaso,may mga trivial and just out of the stupidity ng mga magulang sa mga anak nila...Like the case of a 9 year old girl, who accidentaly swallowed a one peso coin while playing with it using her mouth...Yung tatay na nagdala sa kanya sa ER,buong tapang na humahangos at bitbit ang anak na nagsuka na and worried na worried coz nung pinalo daw niya sa pwet yung anak niya, tsaka nalulon nung bata yung PISO! hahahahaha.....i tried to be serious when i was conducting my "own" history of the present illness of that patient but i can't stop and laughed when me and my nani were able to sneak out of the ER! We laughed and laughed til our tummies ached....ang standing joke nga namin ng nani is that, dapat tinanong namin yung tatay kung sa tingin ba niya sa ER ng OM ay isang malaking KARNABAL (with hand gestures) dahil ang pagkakaalam namin ng nani is that, sa KARNABAL lang ginagawa ang paglulon ng pera at espada! Harharharhar!!!!!!!! those are the simple things that make our relationship stronger. TOXIC but fun...The good thing is, we both understand perfectly the situation that we have engaged ourselves into. I always tell my nani that residency is not forever...and he should not worry about me that i might feel na im " being taken for granted" coz we spend less time together coz of his training. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, pag hindi na ko nakakaintindi ng situation nya, dun siya mag-alala...coz i might be more demanding if that happens. hehehe....so far, i do understand this stage in his life and i will always be here to support him. Kahit na ilang sirkero pa ang dumating sa ER ng OM!

For the past 9 months, may mga stress relievers kami ng nana ko....We make fun of some words that are usually mispronounced by everybody...I acquired the habit of making my nani pronounce some of them and repeat them twice or thrice until we fart laughing...stress busters namin to and it they continuously add up to our thousands of "personal jokes and terms of endearment", that only me and nani can understand.minsan sa text, minsan sa phone, we happen to connect and end up smiling in the midst of our toxic jobs when we re-visit these words and pronounce them the NANI AND NANA WAY! they are as follows:

1. Blek beg - itim na bag
2. Blek berd - yung sinusulatan ng chalk...pwede ring itim na ibon
3. Propeysor - yung nagtuturo sa tin sa college
4. Pinobarbiedoll - madalas tong binabanggit ng mga pasyente sa ganitong paraan. ito yung barbiturate na anti-convulsant.
5. Binibining Undas - beauty contest ng mga taong kagimbal gimbal ang anyo.balak sumali ng nani ko dito.
6. Plez - pag nagmamakaawa ka na
7. Monosynaptic - pag ang nani ko eh tipong parang walang naririnig sa mga sinasabi ko at tuloy tuloy siya sa pagsasalita. Ex. nagpapabili ng laruan - kahit na sabihin kong di na dapat siya naglalaro ng toys na barbie doll, sige pa rin ang daldal na gusto niya ng princess barbie at yung rapunzel barbie.
8. Watusi - amoy ng ulo ng nani ko after 24 hours duty
9. Sonata - masangsang na amoy.... short for "SUnog Na Tae"
10. Muning- future pangalan ng pusa namin
11. Ipi- singular form ng IPIS
12. Barjer - yung tinapay na bilog na may karne at kamatis at lettuce at chez (keso)
13. Pichichan - manggagamot


These are just but a handful of continuously mutating vocabulary words that me and my nana are currently using to improve our relationship. Nevertheless, whatever form of communication we might adapt in the future, kahit na mag sign language kami or mag braille na lang, I will always be here to support my nani.

Love you very much. Happy 9th monthsary!

Top 10 Kilig Moments

Friday morning i was on my way to work, driving and listening to RX 93.1's morning rush... their topic was TOP 10 Kilig Moments. hearing the entries sent by listeners, i can't help but think of my own kilig moments. There maybe times when moments are deemed only by me as kilig well in fact it wasnt that "big of a deal" for my husband. Ever since i started with my residency, i felt that there are so many work to do. when i ask my husband that if its ok to quit coz i miss him so much... he would always say that "career people kse tayo". i had my psych exam for employment, and there was this part where i have to complete the sentences. One entry went "my work is...." i asnwered "is something i need to do for my family and my lover". i don't know if its just me, but ever since i had my husband, i have always looked work as something i need to do to for other people. having someone to share my life with, i have come to realize that life isnt a matter of my own comfort but includes the comfort of people around me and what would possibly dictate our future together.

This is my own top Kilig Moments:

1. I remember the first time me and my husband went to a date. eventhough we both saw each other's pictures prior to meet up, the fear that both of us has expectations that might not be met bothers me then. we were at red box, he was singing and in between his songs (he dominated the karaoke), he would make simple gestures that he wanted to hold my hand or hug me. at the car when it was time to drive him off back to his office, he held my hand and it all melted the ice away. that very same instance i knew i want him. he didn't know this until now, but i was in a total mess back then and i had to cover up things, him holding my hand even for just a moment secured my life.

2. It was the last day of my board exams. i was going out of my examination site, nearing the gate i saw people waiting outside... parents, boyfriends... i texted my husband that i wish he was there to wait for me. he texted back "wala man ako dyan para maghintay sau, but pag pumasa ka sisiguraduhin kong andun ako". and he did... he was with me when i saw my name in the internet and during my oathtaking.

3. there was this one time during my internship, when my husband asked me if i could accompany him to Manila Doctors to meet up some important people. he told me not to bring the car since he would be bringing the company car and the own driver with him. After our stint at MHD, i thought we would be going back to MCM, when he told the driver to go to Festival Mall. I asked him why and he told me he wanted to meet people at Healthway. We were already at the mall when he decided that we catch a movie instead. we didnt finished the movie coz we had to hurry back to manila for an urgency at my hon's office. he txted me later that day that we went to Festival Mall not mainly to meet people up for bussiness but to steal some time together.

4. way back, we had our first dinner as official couple. we were about to pay at the resto, when he pulled out his wallet and gave it to me. he said "you pay".

5. i was on duty yesterday, i was texting my husband how i miss him so much, that i wanted to quit residency coz it pulls off a lot of time. he said "konting tiis lang hon, di ka naman forever resident", to that i replied... "but forever ako asawa mo". my husband always has a way with making me feel better.

6. a few weeks back, i was talking with my husband on the phone, and i was venting out how bad i felt with my residency and with people senior to me. i was pikon coz i felt i wasnt being treated seriously by my husband. when suddenly he changed his voice from the witty, perked up comments, to a low, very forgiveful tone saying "di naman kita pinagtatawanan e". my husband seldom say sorry coz i know for a fact that its one word he deem so strong and so important. even if he doesnt tell me hes sorry i can feel he mean the same.

there a lot of kilig moments that i can think of but i just want to mention a few. its actually this topic or my top reasons why i want to quit residency. hehehe. i guess its a better way to cap off my weekend.

i hate to blow my cover, but im drop dead so in love with my husband. im so lucky coz i married my bestfriend.

i love you hon!

Stop for a while and smell the flowers.....

Being a perfectionist doesn’t mean that everything will and shall always be perfect. There are circumstances that can happen beyond the control of a perfectionist.
Let's take for example, nani's pre-residency experience at OM's OB-Gyne department. He was so happy prior to the first day of the program. Excited. Like a little boy who is about to take his first bicycle ride. First day of duty turned out to be exhausting (physically) but bearable. There was still some sort of fulfillment felt by my nani. I even visited nani and gave him his new camera from his sister in Singapore while he was attending to patients inside the delivery room of that disgusting hospital.Pero di ko na gusto itsura niya at that time. Mukhang toxic. Wasak. Madungis. Hindi ngumingiti. Post duty and another pre-duty were unremarkable. The most challenging one was his last duty before he gave up. He was asked to stay for like 38 hours or so by his senior residents which was really inhumane. I felt the exhaustion of my nani when he would call from time to time during his ER duty. He sounded physically and emotionally drained when we talked that night after his 38++ hours duty. I knew that tt wasn’t worth all the effort. Hindi lang ako nagsalita. Pero daming flaws ng department nay un sa OM. Unsystematic, lack of protocol and procedures, no standard guidelines, no nothing. These are the triggering factors why nani (and his friend Pam) finally decided to quit that f****** pre residency program at around 5 am last September 29, 2008. Sa sobrang antok ng nani, sabi niya, sige, ayoko na pumasok. Nyahahaha…..galing galing ng nani…claps claps claps. . It was really and actually a relief. Para kong nabunutan ng tinik when he decided to quit. I can just imagine his hardships. He wouldn’t eat on time. He wouldn’t sleep. He wouldn’t brush his teeth. He wouldn’t take a bath. Hindi nga siya nag pupu ng 38 hours eh! Lahat wala sa oras. Haaayyy..Buti na lang….Hindi na nagtuloy si Pam at ang Nana. Medyo nagbago na rin ang mood ng nani during that pre res program. Mainitin ang ulo. Mahilig mag tantrum. Emotionally labile..Buti na lang nag quit otherwise, lagi lang kami magsisigawan at away to the max ito!!!!!Peace nani!!! Hehehehe…. Life is not just OM. OM is not everything in this world. Dami pa nila options.Dami pa hospitals dyan. And besides, Nani can go to corporate muna for 1 year.

Good thing nga lumabas kami nila Doc Leah last Monday. Nani realized the kabulukan of that department. She gave nani the option to try to apply for a slot in ENT-HNS. If hindi naman matanggap ang nani, may mga options pa rin naman to work as one of our clinic doctors.Doc Leah is really one hell of good friend to my nani. And to US. Im glad she’s always around when we need someone to be with. Someone neutral. Someone who’s more objective.

For the past 7 months that we’re together, I’ve come to realize that my nani is really a character! Aside from his boyish tantrums and “trips” (playing internet games, making kalikot, etc. etc), I also came to know the perfectionist and obsessive compulsive ENRIQUE. He wants to plan things ahead. He has a lot of fears. Fear of the unknown. Hindi pa nangyayari, pinoproblema na. Gusto niya perfect lahat ng bagay. Gusto niya mangyari in accordance to his plans. He worries a lot. Actually, these were my traits when I was younger. Younger means during my med school. Pero when I finished my studies, I grew tired of worrying about what will I be in the future. I took some time off to do the things that I missed doing when I was so engrossed with my studies. I slept. I went out with friends. I tried drugs (though I am not encourageing my nani to try this coz he might be out of control! Hahahahaha). It helped me a lot to live a worry free life. When the time came for me to rebuild my life, everything just fell into place. God works in mysterious ways. He will always provide. And these are the things that I always tell to my Nani. He should not rush things. He should not worry too much. Swerte nga niya ang daming tao na nasa paligid niya to help him decide. To be of help sa career path niya. He has a lot of friends. He has a lot of options. And to say the least, I am always here for him no matter what happens.

The thing that he should consider is that he has the weapon to conquer the world. He is a doctor. He has the DRIVE to be successful in life. If he thinks that OB Gyne at OM is too much for him, he can go somewhere else. Different hospital. Different specialty. Being open to changes could really be of aid when someone is on the verge of quitting or losing grasp of his planned life. Not all things in this world will always happen in accordance to our plans. Sabi nga ni Ces Drilon kanina sa TV PATROL, she has always been rushing her way to the top. Look at what happened to her. Guilty rin ako sa ganung sitwasyon. Sabi nga niya, it was quite sometime when she last stopped from rushing and smelled the flowers….Me too…..I tend to rush things at work and on my way to the top. I tend to forget about the simple things in life that can make me happy. When I saw the amazing pictures that my nani took using his new Nikon camera ( with raindrops on petals his subject), I tried to recall….when was the last time I stopped rushing to work and tried to smell the flowers?...There was an unfortunate event that happened to me on my way to work last Tuesday. A sicko suddenly threw a stone at my car. It was damaged but I jut looked at the brighter side of the situation. Buti na lang kotse lang ang nasira. Im glad hindi ako ang tinamaan ng bato. Pasalamat pa rin ako.Masyado kasi akong nagmamadali sa buhay.

Perhaps, my nani should also take some time off from thinking about his future so much. Nandito naman ako and his friends to take care of him. I guess he should stop for a while and take more pictures of flowers so that wherever we are (even at work), we can look at the beautiful pictures that he took and imagine their sweet smell. I know that this will make us realize that there are simple things in this life that can always make us happy…..not just our career…not just material things. .But the simple creations of God that we tend to take for granted. In this light, pareho kaming hindi na prapraning at napapagod. Perhaps, he should take more pictures. And I will look at them. We will both appreciate the simple but beautiful things in life. :-)


Love you nani. Relax lang. Nandito ako for you lagi. Happy 8th monthsary!

rain drops part 2

rain drops

Non-Reassuring Career Status

after 1 week of my pre-residency training at OB-GYNE of OMMC, i quit. together with pam we just realized it wasnt worth it. there are a lot of reasons to name but only a few reasons for us to make us stay. wieghing everything up i realized OB may not really for me. i dont know if its just the lack of system or administrative skills our chief resident has or my own need to feel warranted of all my passion. in one week i was able to see that the glamor of being an OB-GYNE is just an illusion. sobrang bigat ng feeling when i quit the dream i was customed to achieve. i felt so beaten by people whom i thought would help me stay. The working environment was in all sense worse. i dont have any issues with my immediate seniors but seeing them get bullied and walked upon by other seniors made me think that i cannot do it. the work load is not the issue, coz i know me and pam can do it. if only ara and katricia was there with us i knew i have a fighting chance to overcome the hardships. but having only pam and i against all other odds was futile. as a pre-resident im glad i was able to realize it as early as now.

it was political, emotional and undeniably impossible.

funny coz when pam and i quit, umikot mga pwet nila coz they were eyeing for us. but the thing is when we quit, they blamed the first years for our cause, which was totally unfair for them coz they did nothing wrong with us. doc tet disapproved of us leaving but nothing can make us come back coz we both made our own decision. its a matter of sticking up to that decision. somehow i feel sorry for all the people who already geared us up... dra. martin, dr. benitez (who already liked us from the interview), dra tet, dra. cha and dra. vita (who has always been so good to us), dra cister (who became literary my sister during the brief time i was there), and the first years (who made us feel welcomed).

when i was in my academic years, i have always seen myself as an ENT, it was only during my clerkship that i thought of OB as being my forte. i guess dra. cha, dra. pineda and dra datoon contributed to that idea. and now that theyre gone i dont know how to carry on. the only thing thats hindering me now to be an ENT is be being gay. coz i know for a fact that the dept of ENT got traumatized by their previous chief resident. doc lea said that i should prove them wrong. right now im eyeing to pursue my other dream as an ENT. i know it would be a whole lot of different since i barely knew anything about ENT. but doc lea assured me that everybody should and will eventually start from scratch. and i should start from scratch. picking myself up is one of the hardest things i always do coz its always a challenge for me to find confidence.

there are a lot of people backing me up, my hon and doc lea are one of them. i know im still a kid at heart but i know i have a work ethics of a professional. its just a matter of proving everybody wrong.

life after board exams is really frustrating... habang may buhay may problema. thanks hon for being with me and supporting me from all those problems. i love you so much.

Jason's Post-Bday Bash

yesterday was a very interesting day for me. in the midst of the "PLM Payback Doctors Program", i lost a collegue who intially agreed to relive me at Trans-Am Clinic while i go on pre-residency program at OMMC, in exchange of the payback program. so i decided to scout for my reliver. i thought of paula. i texted her two days ago about it. in the course of our communication i found out that she applied for a derma pre-residency at dermclinic for four months without pay which was really very infair for her. after making her wiegh all the pros and cons (more cons at that), she decided to join me on my racket at my husband's clinics while she awaits her most desired residency program at OMMC. Paula and I agreed to meet at Rob ermita to talk things out, and wapi soon followed to orient her. after that we went to my husband's office since wapi needed some stuffs for the clinic.

these past few days sobrang toxic ng nani. lage sya galit pag tumatawag sakin, complaining how he's so burned out with work and all his frustrations. i kept telling him to chill down and relax (which i know is hard with all the work he has to put). a little side story....the other day, i went to PRC to get my liscense card and met up with pam (who had her lisence number all mixed up). since my nani was going to trans-am that afternoon, i asked if i could mit him up at the clinic so that i could also see the progress of the place where i would work for 2 months. at trans-am, my nani was again frustrated with the filthy job the workers did with the clinic. sobrang galit nya (samahan pa nun isa nyang faithful staff), naawa ako kay manong worker na all the while kept quiet while he internalize all the deficiencies of their work. i understand my nani. if you are paying for a job that does not make right, i know that i myself would get furious as well. so i can't blame him for scolding and reprimanding the manong worker. all the while i was with pam, she got so fazed with my nani. nakakatakot daw. hahaha. sbi ko ganyan lang tlga yun. but sbi ni pam gumugwapo daw ang asawa ko. yeah mas gwapo ang asawa ko pag galit. hahaha.

so going back, me, paula and wapi went to makati. and since my husband was not really feeling well with work, i bought him comfort foods...CHOCOLATES! he loves chocolates. anything sweet. anything that could elevate your blood sugar is his cup of tea. so i bought him a mocha mudslide blended coffee and a cake (pronounced as "cock"). im glad he liked it. he said nawala daw pagod nya sa work (of course, nakita ako ng asawa ko, e pogi ako nun kaya sobrang erase lahat ng pagod nya....o! wag ka na mag react dahil totoo yun nana). so there in makati we also met another doctor who turned out to be related to our clerkship groupmate and batchmate. like her "pamangkin" she was so kikay and loud, a nice person to be with. after all the chitchatting, paula has made her decision to drop the dermclinic and work for my nani instead and payback at PLM on her free times. which i think is a more reasonable and feasible thing to do rather than waste your liscence in a job that doesnt pay.

paula said i was so tamed in my nani's office. actually my insides wanted to burst out and hug my nani (who was gorgeous with his tucked polo and pants sitting so cute in the back of his table looking so fine, signing sorts of cheques... geez!). sobrang hirap ng di mo pwede landiin ang asawa mo kse bawal and professional ethics would deem it immoral. sobrang pigil na pigil ako nun. hahaha. now i understand why my nani didnt put me together with him inside the same workplace. magmumukha akong kabit ng isang may asawa na susulyap sulyap lang sa office ng boss nya. hahaha. anyhow, after meeting up with my nani we headed off at Dampa for jayson's bday.

before going to dampa, we picked ara up at buendia. it was the first time since i saw her after the boards. sobrang nag drama pa ako sa kanya sa multiply na pumunta sya. in fairness, pumatok ang drama ko. hahaha. of course mataba sya as expected (but mas mataba daw ako sbi nya). sobrang saya ng bday ni jayson coz ara was there. i was actually a little apprehensive with what im gonna say so as ara would not feel comfortable. but all let loose and as usual, we were a bunch of loud people (mga doctor pa kme nun ha). boses pa lang ni karen buong bayan na nakakarining, dagdagan pa ni jayson buong mundo na may alam ng pinag uusapan namin, hagikgik ni doc eva abot hanggang MOA. haaay! mga hayop nga naman pag nakawala di mo mapipigil. hahaha. the food looks good (syempre tinignan ko lang yung mga seafoods), but the liempo and sisig was more tastier. hahaha. so after the dinner i drove karen and ara home. ara and i was able to talk after we dropped karen at her house. talking to her enlightened me that she was indeed ok. nothing really changed, she was still full of stories to tell. so full, nakalimutan nya kwento si josh (allegedly boyfriend nya hahahaha peace). i always tell her to face her fears by seeing us, i just realized it wasnt her who is afraid...it was me. i admit i was afraid seeing her coz as much as i would like everything to be ok, the problem is how would i approach her, how would i treat her. she said to treat her like we would before, which was actually what happened. interestingly enough, everything seemed like normal. a big relief for me. hahaha. ara is a very good friend of mine. she was the one who told me to hang on at MCM when i already wanted to quit, she was my constant groupmate in clerkship and in internship, we were even close to be drop-outs in surgery class. in the 6 years we have known each other... i guess we have shared so much things and experiences to be treasured for a lifetime. i was really happy seeing her. and i know she is a strong willed girl and she can withstand all obstacles to come (don't worry sbi ng nani wla ka din daw interview sa kanya... confirmed na yan kaya wag mu na compare ang pagmamahal ng nani ko sa inyong mga friends ko... ika nga ni tito tim "kaibigan ko kayong lahat").

haaay... buhay... saya!

New Life is about to begin

Over the weekend i had two very significant event

A. SPECIAL DUTY

I was called last thursday by my chief resident dra. Santos of the Dept of OB-GYNE of OMMC, asking if we could go on a special duty on Saturday since the residents will be having their in-service exam. i quickly said yes to make them see that i am eager to be part of their department as a resident physician (a plus factor). so me and pam went on duty. pam was put in the delivery room and me at the ER. it was a relatively benign duty. i think we only had 30 or so admissions. but i got toxic nevertheless coz i felt that i was doing an intern's job. i was interviewing patients, doing IVs, making THOC forms, and most frustratingly.. i was the one being pushed by my seniors to borrow blood from the patho department. When i was a clerk it used to be my job. i was good at borrowing bloods, making lambing to patho people and making them beleive that our patient really drastically in need of BLOOD. during my duty, i felt that it all came back. Since my clerks didnt have the guts to borrow blood (since one of my clerk got demerited by the stupid patho people), i was forced to run and make sure that our patients for OR has blood. it was a tasking job since with the addition of me playing a role of an intern, i was suppose to play the role of a resident. doing IE's (internal examinations), making diagnosis, reporting it to my immediate senior at the ER and making sure that all of my clerks are doing their job. at 10pm i was asked by dra. Cha to be the first assist at a CS (cesarian section) of a single footling breech. i was nervous. but she taught me well. she even gave me the task to close the operation leaving me and the clerk (as my assist). she gave her full trust in me that i would be able to close it without dehiscence. for that i was so proud.

i didnt had any sleep, not even a single minute power nap. at around 6:30AM i was pulled out of the ER to accompany dra. Santos to make rounds of our 50 in-patints. i was tasked to examine every patient, write down at the charts while dra. is busy doing discharge IE to "may go home" patients. however my orders in the charts are limited to those who are obviously for discharge and doesnt need any interventions whatsoever, since i dont have an item yet and im not relatively started yet with my pre-residency. it was a long 2 and a half hours of my life. what made it even more tasking is that the clerk in-charge at the wards, didnt had the laboratories pasted on the charts which should have been done earlier so it would be easier for me to discharge patients. during my clerkship days its an instant demerit. but its the clerk's 1st week rotation at OB so basically they may just be adjusting.

at around 9:30 we finished our rounds and our chief resident allowed us to go home early to prepare for the oathtaking. i went home with all of my muscles aching. when i arrived home, i took off all my closed, slumped in my bed, and went to a power nap. until my nani called me up saying he's all ready to leave the house for my oathtaking. HALA! i was late. i immediately had a bath, beautified myself, and drive off at our meeting place.

B. OATHRAKING

12:30 nana and I met at harbour square. i was still in dazed but i felt i look good. di ba nani? hehehe. sobrang awa ng nani sakin coz i havent eaten thats why he bought Jollibee and let me ate in the car. sobrang maalaga ang hon. after eating we went to PICC to look for a parking. while nearing the place, we saw hundreds of people lined up outside the blistering sun, basking in the heat. my nani burst out (tangna! anu ba yan!). nahiya tuloy ako sa nani ko coz i know he hates the sun. nana brought his kenneth cole jacket for me to use but hardly did coz of the heat. anyway, we got inside PICC but since the inductees and visitors where put in separate places, my nani was forced to play "staker" taking pictures of me in about few hundred feets away (if only i had my nikon camera already). ang likot likot ko daw sbi nya, even from afar he was able to see how uncontented i was sitting four rows in front. i was chit-chatting, taking pictures, laughing, making fun of people. all that nani was able to see. the whole time i was chatting with my frends, me and nai was exchanging texts, making kulet with him as well. if you ask me i dont remember anything with ceremony. all that i could remember was us making fun of the parents of the top 10 examinees. we were able to assess whether they came from a well-to-do family or from those humble families.

after the ceromy we were told that we could get our lisence card at the lobby. and since i was so wise enough, i wasnt able to bring my claim stub. so after the quick picture taking with friends, i told my hon that id like us to go out na since it was like a pandemonium inside and i was starving to death. hon wanted us to have a dinner buffet, but i told hime we could eat at anywhere non-fancy coz syempre mahal din un and talo kme sa buffet coz di naman ako madami kumain except if its rice. kaya ako tumaba ng ganto dahil sa rice. hehehe.

nani kept asking me if i had second thoughts of him joining me at the ceremony. he felt so undeserved coz most of the inductees brought their parents and family, i brought my boyfriend instead. he wanted me to stay longer at PICC with my friends but i opted to be with him and leave early. dami hang-ups ng nani ko. hehehe. actually, i really felt so proud i was with my boyfriend. i told him that all my life i was with my parents, they were there with all of my graduation ceremony from kinder to medskul. right now is a new life for me as a doctor and as a professional, i just felt it right to have my husband be part of my new beginning. i was proud of my husband coz unlike any other boyfriend, he wants to be there in every step that i make. unlike any other boyfriends, my husband never makes any alibi coz he cant come, whenver i ask him to be with me he would always commit on that date (unless if its really toxic for him, which i really understand). i know it was sunday and he should be resting in the house and sleeping but he made his way to be with me. i may not have my parents during that very eventful time but being with him made it more special coz it is a time where i officially create a new life for me and for my hon. eventhough my parents werent there, i didnt really missed them coz i felt they were there, coz my nani acted like one. he wanted me to pose for every nook and cranny of the entire PICC, he got mad with me soaking wet from perspiration, he even put a towel at my back (talk about me being a baby), daig pa tlaga ng nani ang mga magulang ko. hehehe. like my parents, my hon wanted everything that is best for me and i appreciated it very much. it was a boring ceremony but hon and i made it fun. we always have fun when were together. it has already been 7 months but we still enjoy each other's company.

in this age and time, its really hard to find someone whom you can have fun with and stay with without having to fear that it might just be temporary. with my hon, i feel like we're to last a lifetime. the way he sees me with his eyes, his kiss, his hugs always make me feel like were meant for each other. eventhough i havent slept, i look haggard and all, he always sees me as the most beautiful person. thanks hon. No words could ever describe how lucky i am and blessed to have him as my husband, but all i know is that i love him with all my heart and soul. nothing can ever stop me from loving you hon. i look forward to our future and our lives together.

you are my light, my strength, my everything. i love most dearly with all my life.

habang may buhay may problema!

my hon has been bickering about my qualms in life. how i got this trend of putting problems into simple things in life. i will enumerate the many problems that govern our lives right now.

PRESENT PROBLEMS:

1. weight loss
2. enormous e-mails from non-sense agents of my nani
3. dwindling money for my grocery
4. my landline's frequent crash down
5. my vaio's recovery disk (which i havent still created)
6. my nani's clinic manager who hasn't come back yet in new zealand
7. the lack of med tech to work at my nani's office
8. the slowly diminishing palatable "panghimagas" for my nani (nani seems to have tasted everything)
9. my nokia phone's frequent hang down
10. my nani's recurrent sinusitis, headache, and his "normal" BP of 170/100
11. motorbikes that always get to my nani's nerves
12. the lack of sleep my nani has
13. the pressures of work
14. the pressures of people submitting resume's to my nani (he wants to help everyone)
15. the pressure i give my nani all the time. hehehe

FUTURE PROBLEMS THAT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED NOW AS IN URGENT:

1. our new zealand migration (my nani as the principal, me as dependent)
2. work in new zealand (gusto ko kse pagpunta dun may work na... di daw ganun sbi ng nana)
3. my work here
4. my residency and the time it will steal from our relationship
5. our downpayment for our future condo unit
6. how to tell my family i have a boyfriend (i wish it would be as easy as wapi's)
7. the need to create a new organizational chart in my nani's work that would include me and everyone else below me
8. my monosynaptic moments
9. my slow thinking (papatunayan ko sa inyong lahat na di ako ganun! my brother is not a pig! i may be a pig! but i dont eat leftovers! walang tong kaugnayan gusto ko lang magdrama!)
10. i need to learn how to cook
11. i need to learn to eat whatever it is in the table
12. i need to learn how to drive right handed coz in new zealand sbi ng nana is that its everything in opposite
13. i need to learn how to make pastol the tupa, coz malamang while i study to get a job as a doctor in new zealand, magpapastol muna ako and driver ng nana.
14. the pressures involved in me being a recruiter for my nani. haaay!
15. kung matatagalan ba ng nani ko yung pagiging autistic ko! hahaha

i love you nani! im sure madami ka pa idadagdag dito! cge lang nana! dagdagan natin ang ating mga problema. tama ka habang may buhay may problema. mabuti nang nagmomoblema kaysa sa nakabaon sa lupa. etong mga problems na to ang magbibigay kapayapaan sa mundong ibabaw. ito ang magbabangon sa ating lahat. in all honesty, masarap mamboblema kung alam mo na may kasama ka sa problema, di ba nani? kaya asahan mo hon andito ako sa lahat ng mga problema mo at pinapangako ko na dadagdagan pa ang problem mo para di ka na magisip ng problema. hahaha

mahal na mahal kita hon! mwah! i miss you already!

my nani and the real world

Time flies really fast....parang kelan lang, intern pa lang ang nani ko. sinamahan ko mag medical mission (circumcision) sa pasay, dinadalhan ko ng food sa MCM during his non-sense intership duties, kinukulit ko mag aral for the boards....
Pero ngayon, eto na...hinahanapan ko ng trabaho as a clinic physician...toxic man ang nani, pero it amazes me so much to know and realize that finally, my nani is facing the real world of being a professional. There are times when he would still act like a baby ( he likes to play sally's spa and jojo's fashion show which are downloaded from the internet )but after the boards, Im starting to be dependent on him when I'm too tired to think of drugs that could alleviate and treat the symptoms and diseases of my regular text mates (executives needing medical advice and/or prescription). Buti na lang doctor din ang asawa ko kung hindi,wala akong pagpapasahan ng mga patients na pro-bono ang consultations sa kin! hehehe.

It helps to know that we share the same profession, the same passion to help others, and the same line of thinking when it comes to particular "issues" like disease management and interventions. It feels great to know that when I'm too lazy to recall dosages of certain medications, I just forward the text messages that I get to my nani! hehehehe..sya ang tinotoxic ko to text back with the complete prescription. I'm just savoring these times wherein my nani is still bumming around his house and waiting for the pre-residency program at OM. I know I can never make kulit again when he starts to go on duty na. Ayan ang totoong buhay. Life is not always a walk in the park. It's not always sleeping in your quarters and binge eating. It's not always daldalan. It's not always being pa tweetums. Hehehehe....I know and I believe that my nani can do whatever he wants and achieve his goals as long as he puts his heart and mind in it. I always tell my nani not to worry so much coz some of his friends are just taking things one step at a time. Naiinggit siya sa mga nagmoo moonlight.Gusto na daw niya kumita agad. Pero gusto din niya mag residency muna. Magulo ang isip nya nung isang gabi. Naiiyak pa. My nani tends to be a worrier. He has his tantrums about not knowing what to do with his life.He worries a lot about the future. "Habang may buhay, may problema"...yan ang motto ng nani ko ngayon...Whew! Siya ang naka acquire lahat ng traits ko these past months that we're together.

Ako? I never worried about his future. I always believed in my nani's capacity to be an achiever. Di ko nga akalain na makakapasa ng boards yan dahil sa lifestyle niyan. Puro lakwatsa. Puro daldal. Pero I know that my nani is a gifted child! Ok ang synapses ng neurons nyan kaya madaling makaretain ng information. May echolalia lang minsan. Matigas ang ulo. Mayabang pag kumanta. Pero alam ko may ibubuga talaga ang nani ko! Hehehehe. Peace!

Minsan lang medyo na de- derail ang utak. Pag medyo after 6 pm ayan na umaatake na ang anxiety nyan.Kung ano ano ng mga bagay ang inaalala. I always remind him to be more focused about his plans of going into residency. I gave him the option and opportunity to be one of our clinic physicians too.(In fact, one of his friend is already deployed in one of our accounts). He just doesn't know that there are a lot of opportunities when you are a doctor. Someone has to make him realize that. And I guess that's my role now. To help my nani to become more focused, and less myopic! hehehe...Baka need mo na ng new contact lens.Hahahaha!

We are already 7 months and still going strong. Parang ang dami na naming pinagdaanan but our love for each other is the binding force that keeps us together. He was here in my office last sunday to be oriented about company policies and the kilig factor that he is my nani and at the same time, one of my subordinates, never ceases to make me feel good. Hehehe. Sobrang likot nga lang dito sa office ko. Lahat kinalikot. Lahat gustong tignan, basahin. He even checked my books. He even tried to get some lube. hayyyy nakow!

Nevertheless, Im looking forward to his "treat" when he gets his first paycheck coz alam ko ang sweswelduhin ng nani ko eh pinaghirapan niya...bilang isang doctor. bilang aking nani who is now ready to face the real world...

Happy 7th monthsary nani ko! Love you with all my heart.

nani's angels brought me here (nagkahernia ang nani after this)

refresh mo to nani dali!

this the blog my nani has been waiting for. since his last post dated september 2, nani has been refreshing endlessly our blog site to see if i already blogged. he said before in his previous post wala ako gratification delay now yun pla sya pala yun. hahaha. so quits lang nani ha. :)

my nani and i spent the entire weekend in tagaytay as a post birthday and a pre monthsary celebration (sept 8). we stayed in DAP na ang sbi ng nana e may mumu daw, kaya napilitan ako na wag patayin yung tv while we sleep. minsan nagigicing ako at the middle of the night kse may naririnig ako. hilik lang pla ng nani. haaay! earlier that night we spent watching "the mummy 3" on my laptop. we had 7 bottles of beer, 3 nagaraya crackers, 2 fudgee bar (pang himagas ng nani)and boy bawang. manghang mangha ang nana kung pano ko kainin yung nagaraya, eat it by layers kse. hehe. i can just imagine the two of us living in one house cgro we'd just spend our entire day eating. kain ng kain ng kain! kaya naman when i checked, i weigh 150lbs, nana is just 170lbs. imagine, 5'5 ako and 150lbs! grabe! yoko na papapayat na ko! mukha na daw ako kettle sabi ng hon!

earlier this afternoon, after our tagaytay hideaway, we went to my nana's office to check up on some of his stuffs and to orient me and wapi for our job as retainer physician in thier company. kating kati na ko maglikot sa office but sabi ng hon e bawal daw. kaya ayun i just observe my nani while doing somethings in his desk and typing his minutes. im so amazed how my hon transforms into a corporate tycoon behind his desk. very focused while typing, his eyebrows would meet in the midline from time to time, gritting his teeth with very nonsense email he recieves and the way he would press the keyboards was with so much fury. ibang iba ang hon pag wala sa office. sobrang kulit, parang bata, gustong gusto nya pinauulit yung sinasabi nya sakin. he loves to eat chichiria. kahit anung pagkain na nakalagay sa makulay na lalagyan gusto nya. ika nga "himagas". from voice combo to fudgee bar, from marie to rebisco, and from knutella to pancakes, name it he loves it. buti nga ngayon medjo naglie low na sya sa hotdog (di na daw masarap sa kanya). thats why i wonder...kailan kaya di magiging masarap sa kanya ang pancake. haaay! ubos ang grocery namin cgro pag kme na magkasama sa bahay. tsk.

hon, thank you dun sa bracelet na gift mo ha. i really love it. thank you sa paghelp sa mga friends ko to have a job. i know its really too much, but yet you make it a point to reach out to us new doctors. thank you for loving my friends and my family all this time. im so proud of you "hon-boss"!

7 months na kme ng hon ko! doc lea asked me the other day if we fight, and im proud to say we havent fought or had misunderstandings for the past months. before i used to have a lot of tantrums of just about everything. i guess i have already outgrown them. i guess what one of the things i have come to understand in our relationship is the value of each other's lives. our individuality has not ceased to mingle with our growth as a couple. right now i can say i understand clearly the pressures my nani's job gives to him and he in return understands the little qualms i have with my live as someone who is just starting to venture into the real world. i am proud to say he has never left me, he lifts me up when im down and carries me when i just cant seem to walk. he gives me confidence. he believes in me when i dont with myself. im not just lucky to have him but im proud i have his heart. i love you nani. i cannot think of anyone better for me to spend my entire life but with you. you're my betterhalf. i love you so much. no words could ever describe how i feel for you. but hopefully i can make you feel how much i trully love you.

7 months and there are 7 things i got to know about my hon:

1. mahirap sya gicingin sa umaga. but amazingly he never gets late in the office.
2. he hates it when i make likot in bed. gusto nya kung ano pwesto namin pagnatulog yun na yun until morning. hehehe
3. he loves to eat "himagas", pagkumain sya ng matamis gusto nya maalat after (hindi ako ung maalat na tinutukoy...matamis ako)
4. when he climbs inside the car the very first thing he would do is to check on me. kakalikutin nya damit ko, aayusin nya kwelyo ko, lahat! lahat lahat! laruan ba ako nani?
5. i notice he seldom says cheesy stuffs about me or about our relationship. but when he does, its super sweet. he's a man of few words when it comes to US. which i find very attractive.
6. he makes scribbles of his classmate's vagina covered with webcobs on his papers during his medskul days. aside from that, my nani writes so legibly.

and

7. he values me. he loves me so much and takes care of me always. unmindful of his busy workload, he never misses to call or text me. he introduces me to his family and to his workmates which i find very endearing. it shows how proud he is of me.

i love you so much my honey! kahit na i-refresh mo pa tong page na to a hundred times... di ka nananaginip kse nagblog nga ako. pwede ka na matulog ng mahimbig. hehehe. i miss you already. i miss your kulit. lapit na tau magsama hon. mahal na mahal kita sobra sobra. mwah mwah mwah!

happy 7th monthsary my honey!

happy birthday to my nani small but terrible (literally and figuratively!)

After my nani passed the boards, catch up mode kami to spend quality time together…dami ng nangyari since he passed….

1)Gimik/celebration with Doc Leah
- We first watched that bakya movie of Sarah and John Lloyd. Saya. Kami lang ang tao sa cinema. Tawa lang kami ng tawa ng nani. Pero it was a memorable exprience coz it's the first movie that we enjoyed. Most of the movies that we watched before, PALPAK. Predictable. Boring.
Later that evening, we decided to call Doc Leah, my nani's ENT resident friend. Sobrang cool kasama. No hang ups. We ate isaw, barbecue, tenga ng baboy muna(so unhealthy considering that we are all doctors and we should promote healthy eating!) before we got a room at Music 21. There we sang our hearts out. Kain. Inom. :-)Leah had to rest na coz she's on duty the following day so she had to go home early. Starbucks muna kami ng nani. Tagal naming hindi uminom ng fav namin na caramel machiato. Whew. Kakamiss talaga. The following day, punta kami ng Makati Cinema Square to buy pirated DVDs coz my Nani was deprived of such privilege during the reviews. He needs to catch up. Dami naming nabili na DVDs.

2) Weekday dinner
- 3 days after, dinner naman kami ng nani sa isang Japanese burger house sa Makati. My nani got his ratings in the boards and he processed his papers for the oathtaking. Im the one and only lucky person who gets to be with my nani on September 14 during the oathtaking. Yehey! Thanks nani. Ako ang bwisitang pandangal mo! His mom was not surprised at all that I'll be the one to attend the significant event in my nani's life. Perhaps, nakuha ko si Mama sa mga pasalubong from different places that ive been, like the dried mangoes, danggit, ground coffee, (from tacloban, ormoc, cebu, davao, pampanga, etc.etc)hehehehe. Now I know the shortest way to my mom - in-law's heart. Pasalubongs from different provinces in the Philippines.Harharhar!

3) Birthday celebration of my nani at his house in Paranaque
- My nani decided to have a dinner and booze party last Saturday with his doctor friends and pre-med buddies. Met his mom. Made the "MANO PO" gesture and Doc Leah followed. Hahahahahaha.... Nagulat yata si Mama sa ginawa namin. I also met his best friend Margaux who's very kikay and accomodating and makwento and the moment my nani introduced me to her, she gave me a smack on the face! :-) Sobrang cool and sincere and I know how much she loves my nani as a friend. Glad to finally meet her in person last saturday. walang katapusang tawanan lang kami ni Doc Leah and kwentuhan with my nani's friends. Gave some pieces of advice to the new doctors about residency and pursuing corporate medicine eventually. Hayyy... Parang ang tanda ko na... Drank beer and tequila. Ate the cake that I brought for my nani hahahahaha....Sarap ng food nila. Galing magluto ni Mama. My nana was the one who prepared the inihaw na liempo based on the recipe that I dictated through text. Galing. Sarapppppppp! :-)Pwede na mag -asawa ang nani ko talaga. Listened to Wapi's kwento about opening up his true sexuality to his parents. Touching. And I never knew that Wapi is such a composed person. Poised. Relaxed. The way he cried and the manner that he wiped his tears during the confession to his dad made us laugh our hearts out! Brought Doc Leah home. Enjoy ako sobra sa advanced bday celebration ng nani!

4)Interview of my Nana at Ospital ng Maynila, OB-Gyne Department
- It was just this afternoon that my nani had his first "job" interview. He is applying for residency na! waaaaaaaahhh! Kabado ako for my nana since I woke up this morning. It's his 26th birthday tomorrow and I was kinda worried that if ever he messes up during the interview, iiyak na naman yan. At mag eemote. At birthday pa niya tomorrow. Baka sabihin na naman niyan na he got a bad gift for his birthday if ever boldyakin siya ng mga OB consultants sa OM. hehehe. My nani is really bent on pursuing that lochia smelling, meat cutting, names calling, messy but prospectively lucrative field of obstetrics and gynecology! whew! No one can stop him. No one can influence him to take up derma, radio or pathology. No one can hinder his dream of becoming a bungangero OB in the future! Ive been texting him the whole afternoon kung kumusta ba interview , ano na nangyari, etc etc. Im glad that when we got to talk, it turned out well. He nailed it! He talked about his pro-life advocacy, his singing talents and his IT skills in creating web sites. I hope that these things could be of aid in his acceptance at OM!:-) I know deep inside that my nani can always surpass every challenge that comes his way like the internship, the boards and lately, the interview with OB consultants. Na prapraning lang ako minsan dahil baby pa talaga nani ko (physically and mentally).
He may still look like a little boy with his cute little hands and feet and his big tummy. He still acts like a toddler at times when he makes lambing. He has his tantrums like a child pag sabay sabay namin siyang inaasar ni Doc Leah. He may be restless sometimes like an ADHD patient. He may cry incessantly like a mentally retarded person. All of these traits can be translated into immaturity and not being ready to face the real world after school. BUT WAIT!!!!( should be pronounced like in TV HOME SHOPPING pag may extra freebies or discounts na pinamimigay pag bumili ka ng treadmill!) kahit parang retarded ang nani ko, I am always amazed by:
a) his great talent in singing kahit na medyo mayabang;
b) his defensive driving skills and galing sa pag park ng patalikod;
c) his commendable writing skills ( please read his blogs);
d) his being conceited ( he’s gwapo daw ang talented!);
e) his intellect;
f) his sense of humor;
g) his being a very opinionated person most of the time but still listens to what I have to say;
h) his determination to succeed in his chosen field;
i) his great interpersonal skills (that’s why he has billions of friends);
j) and finally, his being a very loving partner to me………. (ito ang ultimate!!!!!)
These are just but a handful of reasons why I tagged my nani as small (like a little boy) but terrible. Watch out, world. My nani is here to rock your world. Or rather, nandito na ang nani ko para ma pwing kayo sa mata. Sabi nga nila, mas nakaka-pwing ang maliit na butil ng buhangin kesa batong malaki. Yan ang nani ko.


Happy 26th birthday nani!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love you very much!!!!!!!!!!!!


-

parang honeymoon!

since the "strictly-no-going-out" rule was enforced during my preparation for the recent board exams, it has already been 1 month since me and honey last saw each other. it was the longest ever. but whats fascinating to know is that eventhough we hardly see each other back then we would chit chat on the phone 5 times or more a day. thats the thing with my honey, he knows how to fil in the gap of our longingness with each other. we are bound on our 7th month and yet the kilig factor, and the sweetness is still there. para kming mga batang nagiibigan (nakanaman!).

anyway, we went out saturday. and our first agenda was to watch "a very special love". imagine two guys entering the cinema for a very cheesy, girlie movie. yet again we were firm on seeing that movie ever since it's trailers went out on tv. it just so happen that i was busy for the boards that it was only now that we got to see the movie. when we entered the cinema, i guess mga 6 lang ata kme nanunood. hehehe. bka siguro nag boards din sila at ngayon lang nila napanuod. it was a good movie. nothing fancy, funny though, and sbi ng hon ko e kamukha ko daw si john loyd. hahaha. nah di nya sinabi yun, tumatahimik lang yun at titingin sa lupa pag may comment ako na pogi ako. hahaha.

then later that night we invited doc lea to join us on our karaoke trip at music21. it was the first time i saw doc lea ever since i started my review 2 months ago. she congratulated me and said mukha na daw ako doctor tlga. not because i embodied the aura of being a doctor but my body resembles that of an old doctor... big bellied guy. a sign that i was fresh from review coz sbi nila pag tumaba ka before the boards it means that youre reviewing at wala ka ginawa kung di kumain kada lipat ng page ng libro. true enough the result was me. she also asked what my plans were, but sbi ko baby pa ko. feel ko kse parang kailan lang clerk ako, who doesnt have a care in the world but to follow orders and strive not to get demeritted. now, grabe, doctor na ko. may license na. but im still a baby. nani di ba?

while waiting for out turn at a vacancy at music21, me and doc lea, got my honey to try her tita's barbque thats just right across the street in timog. we ate isaw, barbeque, and my hon with his favorite tenga inihaw. then at the karaoke (my hon's fav thing), he sang his signature song "gold" by spandau ballet. di ko alam bat nauso pa yung song na yun. ni mismong adlib ng kanta e kuhang kuha ng hon. actually until now di ko alam meaning ng song. hehehe. sorry nani. hon also sang martin nievera songs which doc lea commented he sounds exactly like him. doc lea sang everyday by agot isidro and cacai's foreverblue which suits her voice perfectly. she could sing in a bar with 5 people (and yung limang yun nagdadaldalan pa). peace! pansin ko lang ha, pag ako kumakanta, ang hon lage tumuturo sa taas. ewan ko but feel ko tama naman ang tono ko. pag ako kumakanta lage ako may comment sa hon, di naman ako professional singer. hahahaha. im just a pretty face with brains (o hon alam ko nagpipigil ka na). hahaha. according to my nani, he can manipulate his stapedius muscle to close voluntarily his eustacian tube to limit the travel of sounds, so that he can choose wether to listen or not without covering his ears. ewan ko ba but nun gabing yun di nya ginawa. ganda kse ng boses ko e. di ba hon! hahaha.

after that we drop doc lea in their place while me and nani head home to our lovely abode. grabe, sobrang nasabik ako sa asawa ko. parang feeling ko tuloy e honeymoon namin ulit yun. sarap ksama ang hon. i know medjo di na naman nakatulog yun sa likot ko. kaya nga panay tanong ko kung handa pa rin sya makasama ako sa isang bahay. pinagiisipan pa ng hon. hahahaha.

nothing can beat a post-board exam gift than being with my honey. now that pumasa na ko ng boards, di na nya ako pwede pagbawalan lumabas. kaya mapapanay na ako sa makati. yey! hahaha.

hon no matter how many times i tell you this, mahal na mahal kita and im so lucky to have you in my life. i cant wait for that day to come when we would be in one roof and share with each other our whole lives. i miss you already honey ko!

Licensed Doctor na ko!!!!

while watching PDA, a friend of mine texted me saying "doctor na tayo". at first i thought it was just a prank or something, until she told me (after my incessant begging for answers), na makulit ako at tignan ko sa net. and there was my name. PAPA, ENRIQUE II CATALON number 1079. i called my mom from the other room, i was crying (guess she thought i failed), but then when i made her see the list with my name in it, she exclaimed and even clapped my her hands. my dad called me, my sister from singapore and in the US also called. it was a momentus event.

this is the best birthday gift ever. i didnt know how i got through those difficult questions in the boards like "what do you call a cracked egg?", or "rat oncogene", or "essential mineral content of gluthatione pills", or "most common gastric cancer... johnsons type 1, 2, 3 or 4?", those numerous syndromes they asked which i didnt read, and the best compilation of vitamin related questions ever (all 12 subjects has questions about vitamins). all in all, i was apprehensive if i did good enough to warrant a passing grade. sbi nga ng isa kong friend "kahit pasang awa ok na". im still elated!

im very thankful to all the books i read. baby snell (read twice) and ust anatomy review notes (read thrice), 1st aid Biochem and DUB (read thrice), MRS (read twice) and 1st aid Micro (read twice), BRS Physio (read thrice), UPEC Legal Medicine and Juris (read thrice), BRS Patho (read twice), 1st Aid Pharma (read thrice), Surgery advanced recall (read twice, High yield Medicine (read twice), BRS OB (read twice), PLM Pedia notes and all sorts of notes (read twice) and PLM Preventive Medicine Transcriptions (read once).

Thank you to my parents, my family for understanding my need not to talk about the boards while waiting for the results. For ygo, coz he has been so behaved lately and even prayed for my results. To all people who beleived i can.

Finally, id like to thank my honey. i cant imagine our routine paved way for my passing. i wake up at 9, during which he arrives at the office, we would talk until 10 or 1030, until he would tell me to study. then i would study a good 2 to 3 hours or so. then wed chat again at 3pm until 4 or until he goes home. then while hes travelling ill finish up with my study. then ill stop to watch the news and make landi with my honey through text. then i watch pda, then after i study until 12md. sobrang parang wala ako ginawa kungdi makipaglandian sa asawa ko. ang hon naman lage "mag aral ka!". unmindful of that dubious routine, im thankful for my honey coz he pushes me to study. he would even teach me at times some mnemonics that i cant seem to master. during the exam, when i call him up after, i would relay to him the questions i remembered. and he would always say "yes correct!" "tama" "ganun din ba mga sagot nila" hahaha. sobrang lucky ko may asawa akong doctor kse khit na alam ko minsan mali un naisagot ko sa kanya tama. sobrang happy ako. coz this exam is not only for me or my parents. it was for him. hon youre my inspiration. you know that. at last makakatulog ka na ng mahimbing. buti na lang di na ko nagtake ng metoprolol kung di bumagsak na BP ko. hahaha. hon, thank you for being there all these times. all our hardwork paid off. thank you for beleiving in me when i dont. thank you for praying for me. Thank you for you never lost trust in me. thank you for talking to mama at last nag usap na kau. kasal na sunod! yey!!!!

hon, when you told me you would be there when i pass... you really did. you never left me all a long. i love you so much!

thank you to God for answering my prayers, thank you for Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Jude that through their novena i was blessed. for the glory of GOD!!!! AMEN!

_________________________________

Top performing schools are:
1. UP - 98%
2. UST - 95% (alma mater ng honey, dito ako nagreview)
3. PLM - 89% (the best pa sa UST! hahaha peace nani!)