after 1 week of my pre-residency training at OB-GYNE of OMMC, i quit. together with pam we just realized it wasnt worth it. there are a lot of reasons to name but only a few reasons for us to make us stay. wieghing everything up i realized OB may not really for me. i dont know if its just the lack of system or administrative skills our chief resident has or my own need to feel warranted of all my passion. in one week i was able to see that the glamor of being an OB-GYNE is just an illusion. sobrang bigat ng feeling when i quit the dream i was customed to achieve. i felt so beaten by people whom i thought would help me stay. The working environment was in all sense worse. i dont have any issues with my immediate seniors but seeing them get bullied and walked upon by other seniors made me think that i cannot do it. the work load is not the issue, coz i know me and pam can do it. if only ara and katricia was there with us i knew i have a fighting chance to overcome the hardships. but having only pam and i against all other odds was futile. as a pre-resident im glad i was able to realize it as early as now.
it was political, emotional and undeniably impossible.
funny coz when pam and i quit, umikot mga pwet nila coz they were eyeing for us. but the thing is when we quit, they blamed the first years for our cause, which was totally unfair for them coz they did nothing wrong with us. doc tet disapproved of us leaving but nothing can make us come back coz we both made our own decision. its a matter of sticking up to that decision. somehow i feel sorry for all the people who already geared us up... dra. martin, dr. benitez (who already liked us from the interview), dra tet, dra. cha and dra. vita (who has always been so good to us), dra cister (who became literary my sister during the brief time i was there), and the first years (who made us feel welcomed).
when i was in my academic years, i have always seen myself as an ENT, it was only during my clerkship that i thought of OB as being my forte. i guess dra. cha, dra. pineda and dra datoon contributed to that idea. and now that theyre gone i dont know how to carry on. the only thing thats hindering me now to be an ENT is be being gay. coz i know for a fact that the dept of ENT got traumatized by their previous chief resident. doc lea said that i should prove them wrong. right now im eyeing to pursue my other dream as an ENT. i know it would be a whole lot of different since i barely knew anything about ENT. but doc lea assured me that everybody should and will eventually start from scratch. and i should start from scratch. picking myself up is one of the hardest things i always do coz its always a challenge for me to find confidence.
there are a lot of people backing me up, my hon and doc lea are one of them. i know im still a kid at heart but i know i have a work ethics of a professional. its just a matter of proving everybody wrong.
life after board exams is really frustrating... habang may buhay may problema. thanks hon for being with me and supporting me from all those problems. i love you so much.
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