Sunday, November 16, 2008

my husband, my life

i have been doing my duties at ENT-HNS department since october, so far im enjoying it. like OB, it is skill intensive. im now adept to indirect laryngoscopy, ear suctioning, foreign body removal and suturing wounds, making diagnosis and what nots. but aside from the skill i have gained in almost two months of rigorous training, i have learned that in residency training i have to be mature enough to handle the pressures. i used to be too trivial with all the issues concerning the department. how my seniors handle us or how i see them handling themselves. there are a lot of times that i get to be reprimanded, taught because of my lack of dicisive instict but nevertheless i learned. i havent cried yet. im sure i would in the future when all things becomes unbearable... i guess all will come to pass.

though ENT-HNS training has put me into the advantage of having time with my family and husband, still the longing of being together with them is limited.

my husband has been there all through those times. he would drop by the hospital on my duty and bring me foods or just to linger at the ER. i miss those times when i was an intern where i was free to go about my life. but i guess that cant stay forever. i have to grow. thats why i appreciate my husband in times like these. the fact that i cant go out as often as i would like to, he makes it a point that he gives his own time for my cause. quite selfish of me at times when i wanted even more. but as days go by and as i feed on the fact that my husband will never leave me gives me the courage and hope that soon we will be together in one house and spend each waking day together.

sometimes during my duties, i think of quitting. i have questioned myself why am i doing this whole thing. why cant i just go spend my entire life with my husband. my nani kept on telling me that its for our future. countless times my husband would tell me how burned out he is with work, how pressures in his family, work and in me sometimes makes him want to quit as well. we havent spent long hours together for almost 3 weeks now, the last that we were together was a week ago which was a good 2 hours landian, but realizing my husband's need, i thought that my training would soon be of use to him. i have always imagine, that id be doing all the work for him once i get my own practice. i guess thats the only solace i could give for my husband for all the effort he has put in his own life. but that would entail a lot of hard days and nights to get through.

since day 1 of residency, i have always thought of my husband as my driving force. i always look forward for that day that we would be together. unlike any other MD's who's main goal was to be good at their training, i for one think of being a good husband to my nani. well i guess, being good at my training is also a requirement but everything that i do, i always attribute to him. i dont know if thats a selfish move, but thats what keeps me going. i never felt like this to anyone. i would be even willing to quit when he says so. i love my husband so much that i have made him my life. and i can feel that he too is the same. thats why i dont want to fail him.

funny coz we havent fought or argued these past few months, for that reasone we even came to play that we do argue and fight. he would text me: "ang mga anak natin wala nang makain dahil puro ka patiente" or, "sbi mo lalabas mo kme magaama at pupunta tau sa parke at mamamasyal tau pero hindi lagi ka na lang nagoopera" or, we even argue who would take our future kids to skul. those texts always put a smile on me. he is so kulet. and i know that that is his way of relieving his tension from work. hes a kid at heart. he can live with pancake, lemonsquare cheese cake and voice combo as diet. one time he texted me how his tummy is increasing in size, i told him dont worry coz i myself cant see my pototoy on standing. hahaha. im so lucky to have my nani tlaga.

sometimes i wish i lived in the same pace as my husband. but as what he tells me countless times, that everything that has happened in the past, made its way for us to be together. im still in the query of not knowing how to make my husband happy, but i know from the fact that my very existence in his life is as important and as rewarding as my love for him.

i love you honey! thanks you for being my husband.

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