Bago kayo umalis ng Pinas basahin nyo muna itong salaysay mula saisang manggagamot. An article from PINOY.MD...Here's hoping that things change for us all.
By now, everybody knows of Elmer Jacinto--the February medical boards topnotcher who publicly announced his plans to work in the US as anurse. I was inZamboanga City visiting my parents when that news broke out. A topnotcher from Lamitan, Basilan hit close to home and I showed the article to mybrother. His only question was, "Why? Doesn't he have any offers?"I could only laugh and muster a short, "No, I don't think so."Elmer Jacinto's situation and the reactions from various sectors areboth funnyand sad. I can only think of my brother's question and wonder: What can thecountry offer its best and brightest in the medical profession? The short answer is none.
Unlike the legal profession, of which the medical profession is often compared to, there are no offers made to topnotchers. We've read news of bar topnotchers invited to join prestigious law firms. Top law graduates are employed even before the bar results are released, while some receive hefty signing bonuses from happy employers. Medical board topnotchers are not that lucky. After a day or two inthe light of fame, most fall back to the shadows of anonymity--their achievements a mere footnote in their sum. We hardly remember the board topnotchers of the previous years. How many of them are practicing in the provinces,much less in the country? Can you just imagine the public outcry if we found out that onlya few have stayed?
Therein lies the problem--the public outcry. Why is the public so pent up about doctors going abroad as doctors or nurses or caregivers or whatever? Because mys hort answer is not exactly correct. The country does have somethingto offer the graduates of the most noble profession: the poor and sick of thePhilippines. Physicians, especially new ones, are expected to grab the opportunity to serve--for a pittance of a fee, or even for free.
I tried my hand in volunteerism once when I was "in between jobs"--or, in short,unemployed. Living a few blocks from the Malate Parish, I volunteered my services to their social services division for one day a week. I scoured the streets of Manila for jobs on Mondays to Thursdays, while I devoted Fridays tothe urban poor of Malate. They gave me an old desk in the small office at the back of the church. The social worker announced my presence to community leaders, and, in no time, I was seeing 10-15 patients a session,which isn't exactly heavy.
It was a fun experience. A patient wanted me to give him a medical certificate stating that he should sleep on cement benches because it was good for his back. He was supposed to show this document to police officers of Luneta where he spent his nights. Another patient, a jolly 80/M, went to see me not for a checkup but to show off that he was in perfect physical health. He would do jumping jacks and push ups in front of me.It was also a time of desperation. A stroke patient, with half her body paralyzed, persistently showed up every Friday, limping her way through Manila traffic. She continued to have a BP of 200/140. Another patient had a resting systolic BP of 220-240. The list goes on. And I could do nothing but prescribe the cheapest anti-hypertensive. But they all had the same excuse: they didn't have the money to buy the drugs.
Not willing to lose a battle, I wrote the Parish for some support, financial or otherwise, I was asking for some drugs, about P800 worth, and a P500 money pool,in cases of emergency. And they replied that they can't contribute at the moment since they'e finishing the wing for the missionaries, putting in a library and airconditioning. I kid you not! I wrote a short letter to the city government, but they said all health support should go to the local healthcenter.
One Sunday after mass, the parish social worker informed me that the Rotary Club of Manila was conducting an outreach program. I went with her and talked with the President of the club. They agreed with the whole package, insisting onlythat I submit proper accounting reports every month for their newsletter. I can't say it was smooth sailing from then on. It definitely helped me with some of my patients, monitoring for drug response rather than just looking on helplessly.My experience is not unique.
Volunteerism doesn't have to be so obvious. Surgeons forego professional fees after operations, internists accept P20 forconsultation fees, pediatricians charge break-even for immunizations, and general practitioners accept eggs and chickens in exchange of services. These may be small acts, but they are by no means less heroic. There are, of course, doctors who work with the poorest of the poor. Volunteer doctors to the war-torn parts of Mindanao would have different stories: their experience, more colorful, their desperation, more intense, their helplessness, more personal. Their dedication is a strong testament to their character. These doctors who work with the poor often become poor themselves, and I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for them. In all these cases, doctors are found in the frontlines of poverty. They work with almost no logistic and financial support. They carry the burden of salvation for their countrymen, with little or no compensation, with little or no thought of self. But the fact remains that mere presence can onlydo so much.What can a doctor give if he has none. aside from compassion and care? Is that really enough?
It's ludicrous how the public expects too much of a sacrifice from Filipino doctors, when it expects too little from its government officials. The fight forbetter health is a fight against poverty. It is not won by doctors becoming poor themselves, but by government officials becoming the leaders they need to be. Doctors do not make laws, allocate resources, handle budgets, public officials do. Doctors do not get kickbacks, destroy public trust, and plunder taxpayer's money, government scalawags do. So, when did doctors become sacrificial lambs for the ineptitudes of Philippine government?
The public flogs physicians, living on P10,000 a month, who pack upand go tothe US as nurses, when they pay no mind to regional directors, earning P22,000 a month, who go abroad as tourists for weeks at a time. People looksuspiciously at doctors driving a brand new Toyota Corolla after 5 years of practice, when they find nothing wrong with mayors sporting shiny Ford Expeditions after 6 months in office. If we should mourn for doctors who leave, let us grieve more for corrupt officials who stay. If we should complain of doctors who dream of decent living, let us object more of unscrupulous government employees who lead obscene lives. Wounded souls search for healing in other countries, but there is no cure for callous hearts.
A mayor once asked me to join a free medical mission he sponsored. I humblyasked if there was any payment involved for my services. "Ah, eh,wala. Pero libre naman ang pagkain. Tapos ipapahiram ko naman yung Pajero ko at isa kong Starex para libre na rin yung transpo."I wanted to bitch-slap him until his lips bled.
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this article made me want to cry... it didnt made me want to think twice of the profession im about to have or is having right now. its true, i have consultants, residents who go into nursing and most of them are in hiding. afraid that they might be judged. as a junior intern i can feel the disparagement that people make our from doctors. i work in a public hospital, and i have seen how doctors are treated. Its in OM that i saw a nurse screaming at a doctor, a nurse who disrespects a doctor... his superior. even i as a junior intern is lucky enough to be called doctor by nurses. tuwang tuwa na ko nun. because i get used to be called as "clerk" and as much as you want to correct them i'd rather not coz i know how i stand in the hospital and i respect myself to even argue with them.
as a soon to be doctor, i envy those who study medschool in universities like UST, St. Lukes and the likes, because they have economics subjects. They're the ones who become rich through medicine since they are being taught the economics of the business, while we, students from a public medical school are being taught the hardest way. my family didnt become well-off with a flick of a finger, my father brought us all the things we now are experiencing. and just like anybody else, he will retire and i would assume his post. all those times he worked hard for me was for a dream that i would be doctor... a rich doctor for that matter. but im afraid that it would take years for me to achieve that.... even more i might not be able to. its sad to know that even in this early point in my career, i am saddened by the idea on how doctors are being treated. Nurses would impose their superiority towards the medical profession since they know that the monthly pay they recieve is just but a week's salary for doctors here.
after all those years of hard work and pure sacrifice, a public doctor is paid a humble P15,000 a month and a private doctor with P8,000 max. i remember in my medical ethics class, they told us that its not a sin to charge money for one's service, doctors like anybody else are human with needs and aspiration, with goals of putting up food for his family's dinner table, but doctors charge equally. Its funny how we let go of undying charges in the city hall just to get some piece of paper saying that we are cleared of any misconduct but when doctors charge P200 for your life, people would complain how high the fee was. funny but true.
last night i was watching TV patrol and i saw how people merry and support bar examinees as they finish their last sunday of exams. There were bands, banners, everybody was there. medical board examinees dont have that. the media dont even care that we have just taken the exam. when the august medical liscensure results was released, the media didnt made a fuzz out of it... we medical students, interns and doctors, celebrated in the silence of our hearts the achievements of our fellow alumni... that the PLM College of Medicine placed 2nd among the nationals. we could only rejoice with ourselves.
i wish things are much more different... a little hope goes a long way
Monday, September 25, 2006
Friday, September 08, 2006
this is my nanay... Doc selia. favorite nya ako and favorite ko rin sya. kanang kamay nya ako sa pagtaboy ng mga patiente di karapat dapat magpatingin. ung mga tipong... TIA or tang ina ang arte. hehe. i love her. when she's in the ER, ako lage pull-out from heart-hemo. kse love daw sya ako. awwww.
IV fluid infused with D5LRS
Sunday, August 27, 2006
a benign duty
ang sarap ng duty ko kagabi, not only did we have only 2 admissions and 20 consults, but nakasama ko ulit ang fav resident ko sa IM... si doc peter. puro lalaki kme kagbi kaya sobrang gulo namin (except kay dex na nagsilbing estatwa lang, na walang contribution sa mga jokes).
anyway, kagbi astig, star-studded ang mga patient namin. una dumating kamukha ni danny javier ng APO, may COPD, PTB at nag DOB. nag O2 kme, APL drip and hydrocortisone sa kanya. then dumating naman si buboy garovillo, same case and same management ginawa namin. sbi namin kulang na lang si danny javier. at sakto dumting sya! kaya ayun tatlo sila nakaupo, pareparehas ng kaso, pareparehas na may TB. ginawa ko pinakilala ko sila sa isat isa. tawa ng tawa si doc peter, tawag nya sa kanilang tatlo e "hAPO" kse tatlo sila hinahapo. hehe. later that night, nag disband din sila... nauna umuwi si danny kse di na sya hinahapo.
nun mga 10pm naman, dumating isang pateint na manakapony tail na ipit sa tuktok na parang 80's, pinanglan namin siyang tina paner, na mataas nga lang ang BP at laging nakakunot nuo. buti di nya inabutan ang hAPO hiking society kundi kinantahan sya ng: "nakasimangot ka na lang palagi, parang ikaw lang ang nagmamay-ari ng lahat sama ng loob..."
by 12am... wala na kme ginagawa kaya pinagtripan namin mga student nurse. syempre dahil sa aming lahat ako ang walang interes sa babae, kya ako ang ginawa nilang bait. taga tawag, at tga interview sa mga type nila. mga gago talaga, and si doc peter naman ayun aliw na aliw.
umabot hanggang sa surgery ang katarantaduhan namin kaya pag dumadaan ako dun pra mgpa-initial ng cxr films e, nagtatanong mga intern and residents kung kailan daw b ako mag rorotate sa kanila para may pangalanan din daw mga patients nila. hehe. dami interns gusto ako makasama kse masaya daw ako ka-duty... clown ba ako? its either that, o sasabihin nila sakin na sayang daw ako kse pogi pa naman ako kaso wala ko malisya sa babae. hahaha. well... mapapg-usapan pa yan. hehe. may isa pa pala sila tawag sakin sa ER... "carry-out boy" kse di pa inuutos ng intern ko or residents e, ngawa ko na. efficient di ba? well ayoko lang natatambakan ng gawain sa ER. kse nga di ba, ER un dpat mabilis ang trabaho or else, mamamatayan ka ng patiente, at maiipunan ka ng patiente na dapat e napauwi mo na.
however may isa akong blooper kagbi, nagpalista ako ng patient sa sobrang bibo ko, na dapat hindi kse mapupunta pa un sa service namin. ginwa ko lahat, nakiusap ako sa nagpapalista sa triage na magppalit ng time ung patient ko. sa awa ng diyos nakuha ko sa sweet talk. hehe.
mamimiss ko si doc peter... last duty na nya kagbi kse maaasign sya sa RITM... haay... crush ko pa nman sya. ako lang nga gising kagbi kse una wala ako mapwestuhang higaan, si doc peter nga e dun sa kotse nya natulog. actually nakalibre ako ng higa, but after 30 minutes nagising ako kse may pesteng patiente ang FM na suka ng suka. nakakabuwisit. gusto ko nga salpakan ng unan sa bunganga. hehe. bad ko no? anyway... 8am naman releived na kme kaya di ko na pinansin ang antok ko. nagtanong nga resident ko bat daw di ako natutulog. smile lang ako. hehe. kung pwede lang nga magpauwi nun madaling araw ng patient kahit di pa nakikita ng residente ko e ginawa ko na.
haaay! sana bukas benign din... :)
anyway, kagbi astig, star-studded ang mga patient namin. una dumating kamukha ni danny javier ng APO, may COPD, PTB at nag DOB. nag O2 kme, APL drip and hydrocortisone sa kanya. then dumating naman si buboy garovillo, same case and same management ginawa namin. sbi namin kulang na lang si danny javier. at sakto dumting sya! kaya ayun tatlo sila nakaupo, pareparehas ng kaso, pareparehas na may TB. ginawa ko pinakilala ko sila sa isat isa. tawa ng tawa si doc peter, tawag nya sa kanilang tatlo e "hAPO" kse tatlo sila hinahapo. hehe. later that night, nag disband din sila... nauna umuwi si danny kse di na sya hinahapo.
nun mga 10pm naman, dumating isang pateint na manakapony tail na ipit sa tuktok na parang 80's, pinanglan namin siyang tina paner, na mataas nga lang ang BP at laging nakakunot nuo. buti di nya inabutan ang hAPO hiking society kundi kinantahan sya ng: "nakasimangot ka na lang palagi, parang ikaw lang ang nagmamay-ari ng lahat sama ng loob..."
by 12am... wala na kme ginagawa kaya pinagtripan namin mga student nurse. syempre dahil sa aming lahat ako ang walang interes sa babae, kya ako ang ginawa nilang bait. taga tawag, at tga interview sa mga type nila. mga gago talaga, and si doc peter naman ayun aliw na aliw.
umabot hanggang sa surgery ang katarantaduhan namin kaya pag dumadaan ako dun pra mgpa-initial ng cxr films e, nagtatanong mga intern and residents kung kailan daw b ako mag rorotate sa kanila para may pangalanan din daw mga patients nila. hehe. dami interns gusto ako makasama kse masaya daw ako ka-duty... clown ba ako? its either that, o sasabihin nila sakin na sayang daw ako kse pogi pa naman ako kaso wala ko malisya sa babae. hahaha. well... mapapg-usapan pa yan. hehe. may isa pa pala sila tawag sakin sa ER... "carry-out boy" kse di pa inuutos ng intern ko or residents e, ngawa ko na. efficient di ba? well ayoko lang natatambakan ng gawain sa ER. kse nga di ba, ER un dpat mabilis ang trabaho or else, mamamatayan ka ng patiente, at maiipunan ka ng patiente na dapat e napauwi mo na.
however may isa akong blooper kagbi, nagpalista ako ng patient sa sobrang bibo ko, na dapat hindi kse mapupunta pa un sa service namin. ginwa ko lahat, nakiusap ako sa nagpapalista sa triage na magppalit ng time ung patient ko. sa awa ng diyos nakuha ko sa sweet talk. hehe.
mamimiss ko si doc peter... last duty na nya kagbi kse maaasign sya sa RITM... haay... crush ko pa nman sya. ako lang nga gising kagbi kse una wala ako mapwestuhang higaan, si doc peter nga e dun sa kotse nya natulog. actually nakalibre ako ng higa, but after 30 minutes nagising ako kse may pesteng patiente ang FM na suka ng suka. nakakabuwisit. gusto ko nga salpakan ng unan sa bunganga. hehe. bad ko no? anyway... 8am naman releived na kme kaya di ko na pinansin ang antok ko. nagtanong nga resident ko bat daw di ako natutulog. smile lang ako. hehe. kung pwede lang nga magpauwi nun madaling araw ng patient kahit di pa nakikita ng residente ko e ginawa ko na.
haaay! sana bukas benign din... :)
Thursday, August 03, 2006
not a good comeback at OM
just as i was about to go home, i was informed that i failed my SLH exit exams. it was a 50 item exam, i got 37, which is 75% of questions i answered correctly. but the catch is, my transmuted grade was only 73%. My other groupmates scored 41, 42 and 38 and their transmuted grade were 77, 75 and 74 respectively. It boiled up my temper to find out that Mike had to pay 100 pesos for a ticket to buy our way out of an 8 hours make-up in that institution. I would like to appeal the following:
a. kailan pa naging 73 ang transmuted raw score ng 37 out of 50? Anong transmutation table ang ginamit nila dun? di nagkakalayo mga raw scores namin but the transmutation was far 2 points far apart. Donna, asked Dr. Estollado to see our papers but they dont allow daw. and di raw 50 items un, it was 80 items daw. ngayon, san naman nila kinuha ung 30 items?
b. Dr. Romero of the OPD told Donna that he's sure maraming babagsak sa exams kse may binebentang ticket ang DOH. is that the reason why we failed unreasonably?
c. During my stay sa SLH, i learned that they give ERIG 0.2 ml/kg BW as first choice for rabies vaccine. But according to Dr. Estollado, HRIG daw. akala ko ba ung exams e about the things we learned in SLH according to their protocols. HRIG is very hard to manufacture and very expensive since the Ig is coming from a human cell culture. san ba nila kinukuha ung mga sagot nila?
d. according to another doctor, the exams they gave us was at the level of a Fellowship na, which is unfair. when we took the exams we were from-duty status, during our one week stay, we had a chance to attend 3 lectures, about viral exanthems, malaria, and rabies. only the rabies topic showed up in the exam questions. and their questions i did not learned from the lectures (the lecture given lasted only 45 mins), i based my answers from the protocols we do at the ER. come to think of it, eventhough the exam was hard and not in our level, we were able to answer more than 75% of the questions correctly and yet we failed. what the hell was that?
e. as i have written here yesterday, we were given merits of 8 hours by Dr. Lao, which from my ow understanding is enough to keep us away from the make-up had we failed the exams. But according to Dr. Estollado, as what she daw during our orientation, merits in the wards does not credit demerits. WHAT? then what are those merits for?
now i hate SLH. it makes me wonder what kind of a doctor that Estollado is. ganun ba mga doctor na tinitingala ko? parang hindi ata. parang ayoko ata. doctors should be professionals, we have all vowed in the Hippocratic oath. it looks to me that even as junior interns she does not acknowledge us as collegues, but just mere students who aim to pass. what good then is all the praises of other residents in that institution that we did a good job, that we were smart, and we literally ran the hospital successfully? ang masakit pa dun e, our scores were posted eventhough they have told Donna that we are already spared since Mike paid 100 pesos. that just crushed my ego. i would have rather accepted the fact that i failed the exams because i got 50% of the actual correct items, but no! i got 75% had they given us a fair judgement. im not BOBO when i took the exams, i took it confidently and i may not get a perfect score but the very minute i finished the exams and reviewed my answers, i knew ill pass.
what a shame that there are doctors who has no integrity... Dr. Estollado... you dont have integrity... i was not brought up by doctors like you and im glad i will not be... my training will and shall always be loyal to OM where my roots of discipline, integrity and expertise i have embodied. shame on you... you dont deserve your white coat... you dont deserve your title....
kamukha mo pa si Bituin Escallante.... pangit mo kse kaya inggit ka!
a. kailan pa naging 73 ang transmuted raw score ng 37 out of 50? Anong transmutation table ang ginamit nila dun? di nagkakalayo mga raw scores namin but the transmutation was far 2 points far apart. Donna, asked Dr. Estollado to see our papers but they dont allow daw. and di raw 50 items un, it was 80 items daw. ngayon, san naman nila kinuha ung 30 items?
b. Dr. Romero of the OPD told Donna that he's sure maraming babagsak sa exams kse may binebentang ticket ang DOH. is that the reason why we failed unreasonably?
c. During my stay sa SLH, i learned that they give ERIG 0.2 ml/kg BW as first choice for rabies vaccine. But according to Dr. Estollado, HRIG daw. akala ko ba ung exams e about the things we learned in SLH according to their protocols. HRIG is very hard to manufacture and very expensive since the Ig is coming from a human cell culture. san ba nila kinukuha ung mga sagot nila?
d. according to another doctor, the exams they gave us was at the level of a Fellowship na, which is unfair. when we took the exams we were from-duty status, during our one week stay, we had a chance to attend 3 lectures, about viral exanthems, malaria, and rabies. only the rabies topic showed up in the exam questions. and their questions i did not learned from the lectures (the lecture given lasted only 45 mins), i based my answers from the protocols we do at the ER. come to think of it, eventhough the exam was hard and not in our level, we were able to answer more than 75% of the questions correctly and yet we failed. what the hell was that?
e. as i have written here yesterday, we were given merits of 8 hours by Dr. Lao, which from my ow understanding is enough to keep us away from the make-up had we failed the exams. But according to Dr. Estollado, as what she daw during our orientation, merits in the wards does not credit demerits. WHAT? then what are those merits for?
now i hate SLH. it makes me wonder what kind of a doctor that Estollado is. ganun ba mga doctor na tinitingala ko? parang hindi ata. parang ayoko ata. doctors should be professionals, we have all vowed in the Hippocratic oath. it looks to me that even as junior interns she does not acknowledge us as collegues, but just mere students who aim to pass. what good then is all the praises of other residents in that institution that we did a good job, that we were smart, and we literally ran the hospital successfully? ang masakit pa dun e, our scores were posted eventhough they have told Donna that we are already spared since Mike paid 100 pesos. that just crushed my ego. i would have rather accepted the fact that i failed the exams because i got 50% of the actual correct items, but no! i got 75% had they given us a fair judgement. im not BOBO when i took the exams, i took it confidently and i may not get a perfect score but the very minute i finished the exams and reviewed my answers, i knew ill pass.
what a shame that there are doctors who has no integrity... Dr. Estollado... you dont have integrity... i was not brought up by doctors like you and im glad i will not be... my training will and shall always be loyal to OM where my roots of discipline, integrity and expertise i have embodied. shame on you... you dont deserve your white coat... you dont deserve your title....
kamukha mo pa si Bituin Escallante.... pangit mo kse kaya inggit ka!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Pavillion of the Living Dead
it was called PAV10... home of the active TB patients in SLH, sila ung mga patients na isang bulate na lang ang di nakakapirma sa papeles ng kanilang kamatayan, sila ung mga sumusuka ng dugo, at mukha na silang zombie, sila ung mga taong nagshashare sa isang O2 tank kahit na lima-lima silang nakahook dun...
kanina, i was from-duty and day post ko (and luckily last post ko) ang pav10. it was a secluded place, ika nga ng isang urse dun, kung ang main building e syudad, ang pav10 ang probinsya. and totoo naman, may taniman ng kung ano anong halaman dun and feeling ko talaga nasa ibang dimesyon ako. pagpasok ko sa wards, amoy nabubulok na sugat, dumi, at impeksyon ang namaamoy ko (take note naka double mask na ko naamoy ko pa rin). madidilim yun mga kwarto nila, cgro sa isang kwarto mahigit 5 sila. kaya no wonder nagkakahawaan sila dun at nagkakainggitan kung sino ang unang mamamatay. according to those who have stayed long in that pavillon, pag may namatay sa isang kwarto tyak yun may mamamatay sa kabilang kwarto.
i thought makakatakas ako sa gawain dun sa wards na un sa pagkulong ko sa sarili ko sa quarters... hindi pala. tinawag ako para mag double line sa isang old lady na kakatanggal lang ng CTT tube nya. maldita pa un kse ayaw nya na tinitigil ng mga anak nya ung pagpaypay sa kanya. nahirapan ako mag IV line sa kanya buti na lang andun ung isang nurse sya pinagawa ko. hehe. anyway pagtapus nun eeskapo na sana ako, kaso maaga pa, wala pang 12 kse. at 12:15 naghanap ako ng kasama ko mag eskapo. nakita ko si Nell, co-clerk ko tga EAC, kasama ko din dati sa RR ng OM when she rotated in there for her ENT. we asked permission to our residents, but gusto nya hintayin namin ung mga nauna nang kumain. HELLO! kung hihintayin namin un di na kme makakakain. we just said na pupunta kme ng triage to look for other clerks and we never looked back. tagumpay ang ESKAPO.
by 1pm, kumain muna kme sa labas, then ung dalawa kong kasama e naghanap ng magpapapirma sa kanilang grading sheet, kaya nauna na ko.
again i was on duty sa ER nun, and i was proud to say me and my partner was commended again! we have two residents sa ER, one of them is Dr. Alba. i was referring a patient to her, syempre batang OM ako, and kme kse sa OM pag nagrefer e kumpleto. todo: "doc, this is a case of 15/m who came in due to ek ek ek... with vital signs ek eke... PE showed ek ek ek.... my diagnosis is ek ek ek" aba! ang lola mo natuwa. sabi nya " like kita and yang kasama mo... very smart kayo" syempre palakpak tenga naman ako. hindi ko na lang sinabi na tga OM ako baka sabihin e mayabang ako... medjo lang. haha. anyway, very benign ung duty namin, we had less than 20 admissions... and usually, naiiwan kme ng partner ko sa ER, kse natutulog mga residents namin. ginigising lang namin sila matapos namin i work-up ung mga patients in batches. kaya siguro natuwa din sila kse maganda tulog nila, not-to-mention, efficient ung mga clerks nila. actually nun post assignments nun hapon nagpresenta talaga kme na mag ER kse ka duty namin mga UST, e hello! pag sila nag ER malamang e toxic kme sa taas kse walang mga swero ung mga patients nila bago i admit. kse di marunong mag IV ang mga Uste, and admitted nila yun, kse sa kanila mga Interns ang gumagawa nun. no wonder sbi ni Dr. Lao, senior house officer ng SLH, na ang training namin sa OM e parang mga residente. hehe and its true. sa SLH ko lang nga naramdaman na mahalaga kming mga clerks and dun ko din naramdaman ung sarap ng feeling na pupurihin ka. kse sa OM, bihira ka purihin ng mga residente mo, most of the times youd think na sobrang BOBO mo pa and wala kang kwenta. fortunately, di pa naman ako namumra or nababato ng mga instrumento, wag naman sana. sobrag higpit kse sa OM, pero ang maganda dun, eventhough hindi vocal mga residente mo, e pupunuin ka naman nila ng merits, which is different sa SLH, kse dun demerit lang ang alam nila. kaya when i asked Dr. Lao to sign my form, i asked him to give me merits and talagang kinapalan ko na mukha ko. hehehe. and he did gave me 8 hours merit... enough to save me even if i fail their exit exams. YIPEE!
anyway, tulog na ko... tom ER na ko sa OM... goodbye wards! see you on last weeks of August!....
kanina, i was from-duty and day post ko (and luckily last post ko) ang pav10. it was a secluded place, ika nga ng isang urse dun, kung ang main building e syudad, ang pav10 ang probinsya. and totoo naman, may taniman ng kung ano anong halaman dun and feeling ko talaga nasa ibang dimesyon ako. pagpasok ko sa wards, amoy nabubulok na sugat, dumi, at impeksyon ang namaamoy ko (take note naka double mask na ko naamoy ko pa rin). madidilim yun mga kwarto nila, cgro sa isang kwarto mahigit 5 sila. kaya no wonder nagkakahawaan sila dun at nagkakainggitan kung sino ang unang mamamatay. according to those who have stayed long in that pavillon, pag may namatay sa isang kwarto tyak yun may mamamatay sa kabilang kwarto.
i thought makakatakas ako sa gawain dun sa wards na un sa pagkulong ko sa sarili ko sa quarters... hindi pala. tinawag ako para mag double line sa isang old lady na kakatanggal lang ng CTT tube nya. maldita pa un kse ayaw nya na tinitigil ng mga anak nya ung pagpaypay sa kanya. nahirapan ako mag IV line sa kanya buti na lang andun ung isang nurse sya pinagawa ko. hehe. anyway pagtapus nun eeskapo na sana ako, kaso maaga pa, wala pang 12 kse. at 12:15 naghanap ako ng kasama ko mag eskapo. nakita ko si Nell, co-clerk ko tga EAC, kasama ko din dati sa RR ng OM when she rotated in there for her ENT. we asked permission to our residents, but gusto nya hintayin namin ung mga nauna nang kumain. HELLO! kung hihintayin namin un di na kme makakakain. we just said na pupunta kme ng triage to look for other clerks and we never looked back. tagumpay ang ESKAPO.
by 1pm, kumain muna kme sa labas, then ung dalawa kong kasama e naghanap ng magpapapirma sa kanilang grading sheet, kaya nauna na ko.
again i was on duty sa ER nun, and i was proud to say me and my partner was commended again! we have two residents sa ER, one of them is Dr. Alba. i was referring a patient to her, syempre batang OM ako, and kme kse sa OM pag nagrefer e kumpleto. todo: "doc, this is a case of 15/m who came in due to ek ek ek... with vital signs ek eke... PE showed ek ek ek.... my diagnosis is ek ek ek" aba! ang lola mo natuwa. sabi nya " like kita and yang kasama mo... very smart kayo" syempre palakpak tenga naman ako. hindi ko na lang sinabi na tga OM ako baka sabihin e mayabang ako... medjo lang. haha. anyway, very benign ung duty namin, we had less than 20 admissions... and usually, naiiwan kme ng partner ko sa ER, kse natutulog mga residents namin. ginigising lang namin sila matapos namin i work-up ung mga patients in batches. kaya siguro natuwa din sila kse maganda tulog nila, not-to-mention, efficient ung mga clerks nila. actually nun post assignments nun hapon nagpresenta talaga kme na mag ER kse ka duty namin mga UST, e hello! pag sila nag ER malamang e toxic kme sa taas kse walang mga swero ung mga patients nila bago i admit. kse di marunong mag IV ang mga Uste, and admitted nila yun, kse sa kanila mga Interns ang gumagawa nun. no wonder sbi ni Dr. Lao, senior house officer ng SLH, na ang training namin sa OM e parang mga residente. hehe and its true. sa SLH ko lang nga naramdaman na mahalaga kming mga clerks and dun ko din naramdaman ung sarap ng feeling na pupurihin ka. kse sa OM, bihira ka purihin ng mga residente mo, most of the times youd think na sobrang BOBO mo pa and wala kang kwenta. fortunately, di pa naman ako namumra or nababato ng mga instrumento, wag naman sana. sobrag higpit kse sa OM, pero ang maganda dun, eventhough hindi vocal mga residente mo, e pupunuin ka naman nila ng merits, which is different sa SLH, kse dun demerit lang ang alam nila. kaya when i asked Dr. Lao to sign my form, i asked him to give me merits and talagang kinapalan ko na mukha ko. hehehe. and he did gave me 8 hours merit... enough to save me even if i fail their exit exams. YIPEE!
anyway, tulog na ko... tom ER na ko sa OM... goodbye wards! see you on last weeks of August!....
Monday, July 31, 2006
from duty
from duty ako kanina sa San Lazaro, me and my partner Donna was assigned in the ER as per request of the Senior House Officer (Doc Lao) that OM (ospital ng maynila) kids handle the ER. super flattered kmeng dalawa ng ksama ko kse we were introduced by the nurses with all praises. Sbi nya na magaling daw mga tga PLM, kse ang training samin e parang nang training ng mga residente sa SLH. shuck! Doc nama! hehe. super bait pa nya and he even entrust to us his trodat para sa mga reseta and all.
grabe pala ang ER ng SLH. Maliit lang sya unlike sa ER namin sa OM, ang triage e hospital aids ang gumagawa which sa OM e interns and clerks. sa buong duty ko dun, i met 174 patients, 73 of them consulted due to animal bites (mostly dog bites), 35 admissions (mostly dengue and 1 controversial referral from some ospital that happens to be a meninggo suspect-->ready face mask), and 63 consultations ranging from URTI to idiopathic thrompbocytopenic purpura.
Around 2am, may isang dumating dala anak nya. cyanotic, violet ung lips nya and ung mga fingers. i read thier referral coming from the Philippine Heart Center, and they referred the patient due to possible DHF and that they cannot admit the patient due to no rooms available. WHAT THE FUCK! excuse me? did i read it correctly. no rooms availble? masama pa nun, the reason why the patient is cyanotic is because meron syang PDA (patent ductus arteriosus) and CAD (coronary artery disease). we had to refer the patient to another hospital coz SLH is for infectious diseases, the fact that the patient has a congenital heart disease her percentage of acquiring an infection is greater and the probability that her condition is aggravated is tremendous. first time ko nakakita ng ganong kaso... right in my very own eyes... a PDA patient. nakakaawa pala ung mga ganong bata. and nakakaawa ung parents nya. kse sobrang wala na daw sila matakbuhan. i told them to go to PGH where they cud be treated fast kse mas malapit un sa SLH. sana gumaling sya.
shifting the topic, may patient ako surname nya PANTI... as in! pinigil ko talaga tawa ko nun tinawag ko sya sa labas. then nun nakita ko sya, i reconfirmed if i was pronouncing his surname correctly. sbi nya "oo tama yan Panti" i just laughed from the insides. hehehe.
grabe pala ang ER ng SLH. Maliit lang sya unlike sa ER namin sa OM, ang triage e hospital aids ang gumagawa which sa OM e interns and clerks. sa buong duty ko dun, i met 174 patients, 73 of them consulted due to animal bites (mostly dog bites), 35 admissions (mostly dengue and 1 controversial referral from some ospital that happens to be a meninggo suspect-->ready face mask), and 63 consultations ranging from URTI to idiopathic thrompbocytopenic purpura.
Around 2am, may isang dumating dala anak nya. cyanotic, violet ung lips nya and ung mga fingers. i read thier referral coming from the Philippine Heart Center, and they referred the patient due to possible DHF and that they cannot admit the patient due to no rooms available. WHAT THE FUCK! excuse me? did i read it correctly. no rooms availble? masama pa nun, the reason why the patient is cyanotic is because meron syang PDA (patent ductus arteriosus) and CAD (coronary artery disease). we had to refer the patient to another hospital coz SLH is for infectious diseases, the fact that the patient has a congenital heart disease her percentage of acquiring an infection is greater and the probability that her condition is aggravated is tremendous. first time ko nakakita ng ganong kaso... right in my very own eyes... a PDA patient. nakakaawa pala ung mga ganong bata. and nakakaawa ung parents nya. kse sobrang wala na daw sila matakbuhan. i told them to go to PGH where they cud be treated fast kse mas malapit un sa SLH. sana gumaling sya.
shifting the topic, may patient ako surname nya PANTI... as in! pinigil ko talaga tawa ko nun tinawag ko sya sa labas. then nun nakita ko sya, i reconfirmed if i was pronouncing his surname correctly. sbi nya "oo tama yan Panti" i just laughed from the insides. hehehe.
Friday, July 28, 2006
Course in the wards
this has long been overdue. tagal ko na gusto magsulat about my adventures sa IM ko, and now lang ako nagkaroon ng time (actually now lang ako sinipag hehe).
ibang iba ang IM. Nakapag rotate na ko sa OB and mas nahirapan ako sa IM. Sa OB, kahit na isang baranggay ng nanay ang hawak mo e ok lang kse masarap ang feeling ng magpaanak, mag IE, magtaray sa mga nanay na walang prenatal check up at masarap kasama mga residente ko dun, kse sila they would ask kung kumain ka na or hindi. Sa IM, hindi man napupuno ung mga wards e, toxic naman lahat ng patient. Nakakabuwisit pa e, pag nag pa CBC ka sa umaga, pagdating sa gabi e repeat mo lahat... repear X-ray, repeat blood chem, repeat UA, lahat nirerepeat. as if naman ganun kadali mag baba ng mga patienteng naka hook sa O2 di ba?
unang linggo ko pa lang e 12 hours demerit na kme ng isa kong kasama, para lang sa isang CBC na di namin na repeat. as if naman may pagbabago dun sa patiente kung di namin nababa ung dugo nya. wala daw kme decking ng patients. e kse naman, magdedeck ka pa e, hawak nyo 8 patiente, tapus dalawa lang kayo. what me and my partner did was we know all our patients, we do our carry-outs together, one is assigned sa radio (taga baba ng mga mga patiente sa x-ray) and ako taga extract, tga monitor at tga chart rounds ng patients sa wards. e mas maganda nga ung ginawa namin kse at least kilala namin ung patiente namin and not just our own decked patients. pero natuto na kme, nagdeck na rin kme pero tulungan pa rin. ginawa lang namin un para lang masabi na nagdeck nga kme.
anyway, sa 3 weeks kong stay sa IM, 2 na namatay sa kamay ko, at isa nabuhay ko sa ER pero binabayaan na rin namin kse brain dead na (thanks to my good skills sa CPR at tumagal ang patiente ng 1 oras sa ER na kinainis naman namin kse gusto na namin matulog hehe). And sa IM, once na pinasukan ng ET tube ang patiente siguradong may taning na buhay nun. kaya i had this one patient na gusto namin i-intubate, pero ayaw na ng pamilya kse daw para saan pa, ayaw na rin nila ako kunan ng dugo ung patiente kse wala din naman daw saysay. OK fine! were just doing our jobs. anyway, toxic din naman talaga ung patient. i understand them.
nakakatawa pa sa IM, ang rounds nila e 10am, by the time matapus kayo e 11 na, 12 o clock kakain ka, the 1pm may lecture na natatapos ng 4pm, then mag cacarry-out ka na after that, mag poprogress notes, mag momonitor, then uuwi ka past 7 na mahirap pa sumakay. haaay buhay!
maganda sa IM e, dun ko natutunan ang mag NGT at mag foley catheter ng male organ. yup! di lang pepe nakikita ko ngayon pero tete na. hehehe. sa IM ko din natutunan maging pasyensoso. unlike sa OB na pwede mo simangutan, tarayan, at awayin ang patiente, sa IM di ko magawa kse natatakot ako na once ginawa ko e, mag heart attack ang mga stroke patients, mahirapan huminga mga COPD at mamatay ang mga dapat mamatay ng di oras. kaya super friendly ako asa kanila kahit na 3am.
now sa San Lazaro ako for one week. today is my second day. at ngayon ko namiss ang OM. sa san lazaro ko naramdaman ang duty na definition ng clerk... kse sa kanila para kang secretary. sulat ng sulat ng kung ano ano. kaya siguro nagpapalecture sila sa hapon para naman may matutunan ang mga bata. kse sa SLH, di sumasama ang clerk sa residents during rounds, ewan ko kung bakit. on call lang kayo sa quarters nyo kung may kailangan i-monitor or mag IV insert. yun lang, the rest of the day e tutunganga ka sa kawalan. may mga kasabay kming ibang med skuls like UST, St. Lukes, MCU, Perps, and EAC. ibang iba din sila. wierd nga e, kse sila natotoxic na sa ginagawa nila. tangna magrotate kaya sila sa OM ewan ko kung di sila umiyak. mabait naman sila, pero ayaw ko lang makipagplastikan kaya nga hirap na hirap ako kumilos everytime feel nila na close na kme sa isat isa. hahaha. (sidenote: i went to the adolescent ward kanina, pumasok ako sa quarters to look for my mates, wala sya dun pero may ibang mga clerks na babae andun, sabi nila sa kasama ko CUTE daw ako... sbi naman ng kasama ko sa kanila e bakla daw ako.... haay mga babae nga naman nakakaawa) hahaha.
tom duty ako, i dont know what to expect. parang mapapanis laway ko nito magdamag. magaastang pipe na naman ako. haay! i want to go back to my OM!!!!!!!!!!
BALIK NYO NA KO DUN!
ibang iba ang IM. Nakapag rotate na ko sa OB and mas nahirapan ako sa IM. Sa OB, kahit na isang baranggay ng nanay ang hawak mo e ok lang kse masarap ang feeling ng magpaanak, mag IE, magtaray sa mga nanay na walang prenatal check up at masarap kasama mga residente ko dun, kse sila they would ask kung kumain ka na or hindi. Sa IM, hindi man napupuno ung mga wards e, toxic naman lahat ng patient. Nakakabuwisit pa e, pag nag pa CBC ka sa umaga, pagdating sa gabi e repeat mo lahat... repear X-ray, repeat blood chem, repeat UA, lahat nirerepeat. as if naman ganun kadali mag baba ng mga patienteng naka hook sa O2 di ba?
unang linggo ko pa lang e 12 hours demerit na kme ng isa kong kasama, para lang sa isang CBC na di namin na repeat. as if naman may pagbabago dun sa patiente kung di namin nababa ung dugo nya. wala daw kme decking ng patients. e kse naman, magdedeck ka pa e, hawak nyo 8 patiente, tapus dalawa lang kayo. what me and my partner did was we know all our patients, we do our carry-outs together, one is assigned sa radio (taga baba ng mga mga patiente sa x-ray) and ako taga extract, tga monitor at tga chart rounds ng patients sa wards. e mas maganda nga ung ginawa namin kse at least kilala namin ung patiente namin and not just our own decked patients. pero natuto na kme, nagdeck na rin kme pero tulungan pa rin. ginawa lang namin un para lang masabi na nagdeck nga kme.
anyway, sa 3 weeks kong stay sa IM, 2 na namatay sa kamay ko, at isa nabuhay ko sa ER pero binabayaan na rin namin kse brain dead na (thanks to my good skills sa CPR at tumagal ang patiente ng 1 oras sa ER na kinainis naman namin kse gusto na namin matulog hehe). And sa IM, once na pinasukan ng ET tube ang patiente siguradong may taning na buhay nun. kaya i had this one patient na gusto namin i-intubate, pero ayaw na ng pamilya kse daw para saan pa, ayaw na rin nila ako kunan ng dugo ung patiente kse wala din naman daw saysay. OK fine! were just doing our jobs. anyway, toxic din naman talaga ung patient. i understand them.
nakakatawa pa sa IM, ang rounds nila e 10am, by the time matapus kayo e 11 na, 12 o clock kakain ka, the 1pm may lecture na natatapos ng 4pm, then mag cacarry-out ka na after that, mag poprogress notes, mag momonitor, then uuwi ka past 7 na mahirap pa sumakay. haaay buhay!
maganda sa IM e, dun ko natutunan ang mag NGT at mag foley catheter ng male organ. yup! di lang pepe nakikita ko ngayon pero tete na. hehehe. sa IM ko din natutunan maging pasyensoso. unlike sa OB na pwede mo simangutan, tarayan, at awayin ang patiente, sa IM di ko magawa kse natatakot ako na once ginawa ko e, mag heart attack ang mga stroke patients, mahirapan huminga mga COPD at mamatay ang mga dapat mamatay ng di oras. kaya super friendly ako asa kanila kahit na 3am.
now sa San Lazaro ako for one week. today is my second day. at ngayon ko namiss ang OM. sa san lazaro ko naramdaman ang duty na definition ng clerk... kse sa kanila para kang secretary. sulat ng sulat ng kung ano ano. kaya siguro nagpapalecture sila sa hapon para naman may matutunan ang mga bata. kse sa SLH, di sumasama ang clerk sa residents during rounds, ewan ko kung bakit. on call lang kayo sa quarters nyo kung may kailangan i-monitor or mag IV insert. yun lang, the rest of the day e tutunganga ka sa kawalan. may mga kasabay kming ibang med skuls like UST, St. Lukes, MCU, Perps, and EAC. ibang iba din sila. wierd nga e, kse sila natotoxic na sa ginagawa nila. tangna magrotate kaya sila sa OM ewan ko kung di sila umiyak. mabait naman sila, pero ayaw ko lang makipagplastikan kaya nga hirap na hirap ako kumilos everytime feel nila na close na kme sa isat isa. hahaha. (sidenote: i went to the adolescent ward kanina, pumasok ako sa quarters to look for my mates, wala sya dun pero may ibang mga clerks na babae andun, sabi nila sa kasama ko CUTE daw ako... sbi naman ng kasama ko sa kanila e bakla daw ako.... haay mga babae nga naman nakakaawa) hahaha.
tom duty ako, i dont know what to expect. parang mapapanis laway ko nito magdamag. magaastang pipe na naman ako. haay! i want to go back to my OM!!!!!!!!!!
BALIK NYO NA KO DUN!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
anu ba nakain ko?
funny no? pagpuyatan sa pag aaral, inaantok ako. pagpuyatan sa duty sa ospital, inaantok ako. pagpuyatan sa gimik, inaantok parin ako. pero pag puyatang walang ginagawa, gising na gising ako. punyetang puyatan!
bkit kaya ganun? mahirap makahanap ng taong talagang magmamahal at mamahalin mo. its either, mahal mo pero di ka nya mahal, or mahal ka nya pero di mo sya mahal. di nyo ba napapansin, ang mga couples na parehong nagmamahalan are usually the opposites. like maganda at pangit, pandak at matangkad, mataba at mapayat. pero isa lang mapapatunayan ko, hindi nagkakatuluyan ang matalino at bobo (ok, masyado akong harsh... gawin nating tanga).
sa relasyon ako ung tanga (pero di ako bobo). maraming beses na rin ako nasaktan at ilang beses na rin ako nakasakit ng tao dahil sa "love". but most of the times ako yung talo. siguro di ko pa natututunan kung pano laruin ang pag-ibig. kadalasan isang iglap lang in-love na ko, pero malamanlaman ko na lang na di pala totoo, at least ung nararamdaman nya.
bakit kse may mga taong mabilis magpakita ng motibo. tipong ang sweet sweet, sobrang sweet e gusto mo na iwaksi buhay mo para sa kanya. ewan ko, pero ako nahihirapan ako magpromise sa mga tao, kung alam ko di ko naman magagwa o hindi ko nararamdaman. pero magaling ako magtago ng feelings ko. tipong nasa mukha na kita sa kakaligaw sakin pero hinding hindi ko aaminin sau na mahal na kita. dahil ayoko magmukhang tanga in the end. actually nangyari na sakin un, na sinabi ko pero hindi naman pala. sana about math na lang sinabi ko. importante kse sakin ung alam ko kung san ako sa buhay mo. kung kaibigan mo ko, hinding hindi ako magpapahulog sa yo, pero kung may iba kang motibo, sayo na lang muna yan, kse hindi pa ko handa at ewan ko kung magiging handa pa ko.
masarap magmahal oo, pero masakit din masaktan. masakit isipin na nagpapadala ka ng mga msgs sa kung sino sinong tao pero hanggang dun lang kau, binibigay mo na number mo sa kung sino sinong tao pero di mo naman sila tinetext kse ayaw mo masaktan at umasa, na bka kung magkaigihan e ma in-love ka ulit sa wala. pero ang pinakamasakit e, yung hindi mo maamin sa sarili mo na isang tao lang ang gusto mo makasama sa buong buhay mo, ginago ka man nya o hindi. ito yung taong kahit nasa isang relasyon ka na e, sya pa rin ang hinihiling mo na kasama mo sa oras na un na magkaholding hands kau ng gf o bf mo. siguro nga hindi maiiwasan ang mga gantong sitwasyon lalu na kung ang inaasam asam mo sa buong buhay mo ay isang pagmamahal na magtatagal. subalit gawin mo man lahat, malabo nang mangyari un, kse tatatak sa isip mo ang ginawa nya at maaaring gawin pa nya sa buhay mo.
minsan masarap din mag isa. dun mo mararanasan na kahit mag isa ka, masaya ka. andun ung thrill na wag ipahalata sa mga tao na nalulungkot ka, para maisip nila kung gano ka katibay sa gitna ng kalungkutan at kawalan ng sex life.
ewan ko, pero mahirap magtagalong sa pagsulat ng blog. anu ba nakain ko?
bkit kaya ganun? mahirap makahanap ng taong talagang magmamahal at mamahalin mo. its either, mahal mo pero di ka nya mahal, or mahal ka nya pero di mo sya mahal. di nyo ba napapansin, ang mga couples na parehong nagmamahalan are usually the opposites. like maganda at pangit, pandak at matangkad, mataba at mapayat. pero isa lang mapapatunayan ko, hindi nagkakatuluyan ang matalino at bobo (ok, masyado akong harsh... gawin nating tanga).
sa relasyon ako ung tanga (pero di ako bobo). maraming beses na rin ako nasaktan at ilang beses na rin ako nakasakit ng tao dahil sa "love". but most of the times ako yung talo. siguro di ko pa natututunan kung pano laruin ang pag-ibig. kadalasan isang iglap lang in-love na ko, pero malamanlaman ko na lang na di pala totoo, at least ung nararamdaman nya.
bakit kse may mga taong mabilis magpakita ng motibo. tipong ang sweet sweet, sobrang sweet e gusto mo na iwaksi buhay mo para sa kanya. ewan ko, pero ako nahihirapan ako magpromise sa mga tao, kung alam ko di ko naman magagwa o hindi ko nararamdaman. pero magaling ako magtago ng feelings ko. tipong nasa mukha na kita sa kakaligaw sakin pero hinding hindi ko aaminin sau na mahal na kita. dahil ayoko magmukhang tanga in the end. actually nangyari na sakin un, na sinabi ko pero hindi naman pala. sana about math na lang sinabi ko. importante kse sakin ung alam ko kung san ako sa buhay mo. kung kaibigan mo ko, hinding hindi ako magpapahulog sa yo, pero kung may iba kang motibo, sayo na lang muna yan, kse hindi pa ko handa at ewan ko kung magiging handa pa ko.
masarap magmahal oo, pero masakit din masaktan. masakit isipin na nagpapadala ka ng mga msgs sa kung sino sinong tao pero hanggang dun lang kau, binibigay mo na number mo sa kung sino sinong tao pero di mo naman sila tinetext kse ayaw mo masaktan at umasa, na bka kung magkaigihan e ma in-love ka ulit sa wala. pero ang pinakamasakit e, yung hindi mo maamin sa sarili mo na isang tao lang ang gusto mo makasama sa buong buhay mo, ginago ka man nya o hindi. ito yung taong kahit nasa isang relasyon ka na e, sya pa rin ang hinihiling mo na kasama mo sa oras na un na magkaholding hands kau ng gf o bf mo. siguro nga hindi maiiwasan ang mga gantong sitwasyon lalu na kung ang inaasam asam mo sa buong buhay mo ay isang pagmamahal na magtatagal. subalit gawin mo man lahat, malabo nang mangyari un, kse tatatak sa isip mo ang ginawa nya at maaaring gawin pa nya sa buhay mo.
minsan masarap din mag isa. dun mo mararanasan na kahit mag isa ka, masaya ka. andun ung thrill na wag ipahalata sa mga tao na nalulungkot ka, para maisip nila kung gano ka katibay sa gitna ng kalungkutan at kawalan ng sex life.
ewan ko, pero mahirap magtagalong sa pagsulat ng blog. anu ba nakain ko?
Sunday, July 02, 2006
i love you
in this world where a billion people live everyday, a million of them are having sex, another million are doing their work, a quarter of a million are studying, and half a million are searching, waiting for true love. im glad im part of one and tenth quarters who have found someone to share my life with.
id like to take this oppurtunity to thank someone who has been always been a part of my life for so long.
id like to take this oppurtunity to thank someone who has been always been a part of my life for so long.
- thank you for being there when i needed you.
- thank you for the packed lunch you never fail to bring to the hospital on my duties,
- thank you for the sweet messges on my phone during those times that i just cant hadle the pressure of work
- thank you for that every morning that i would wake up and see all my uniforms, my things, all neatly packed and ready to go
- thank you for the breakfast that you always prepare for me, eventhough you know i always forgot about them
- thank you for picking me up, earnestly waiting for me everyday in the hospital, after my duties
- thank you for driving me home
- thank you for eventhough youre tired, you never fail to make me smile
- thank you for sacrificing a lot for my own sake
- thank you for that sweet kisses at night whenever we sleep
- thank you for tucking me at night
- thank you for taking care of me when i was sick, for that soup you always make and i always love
- thank you for you havent left me
- thank you for you always see me in the morning as the most gorgeous guy in the whole world eventhough i look like shit
- thank you for being honest, for trusting me
- thank you for loving me in the most unconditional way possible
- thank you for fighting for me
- thank you because youre the reason why i am where i am right now
- thank you for loving me
- thank you for being yourself
- thank God i have found you... i have found myself in you... I LOVE YOU
ok... so you thought it was reall....NOT!
A BIG JOKE... i suppose its not bad to dream right?
shit... i love being lonely... :)
Saturday, June 24, 2006
why cant it last?
i was with my friend biboy kanina and we watched the lake shore, which was a fairly good-feel movie, except that it was spoiled by those bagets up-front who clapped when sandra and keanu finally met each other after months of exchanging wierd letters on a parallel universe... now that for me is scary! i mean what if it was actually a dead person, if i were sandra i wud either think im going bezerk with my brain or im having clinical depression that hallucinatory ideation have already come into play. anyway, i had fun with biboy kanina or should i say i made fun out of biboy. haha! its fun being an echo... hihihi
while looking up some tracks over at musicOne at greenbelt, a long time friend texted me. since i lost my phone a few months ago, i also lost most of my contacts. anyway, he was asking me to join him and the rest of my friends at the white party in malate. first, its not really my type to go into such happenings, and second, id rather sleep. whats disturbing really was when he told me that his long time bf admitted that he was two-timing him and is dating one of his agents for two wiks now. can't beleive it. i wud have been crushed if that was me.
to actually date someone else is one thing but to date YOUR OWN AGENT? geez? that is an immortal sin to the code of professionalism. rule number one! DONT DATE SOMEONE AT WORK! it is a mess. not only with your work but what did that guy think when he started dating his agent? didnt he even think of how people would make gossips behind their backs, how people would think that hes doing favor for the guy if ever hes get appraisals and stuff that corporate shits do, and how easily filipino crab-mentality would creep up their bodies and eat their relationship alive?
i wud have rather wanted that guy to break my friend up than to cheat him in utter discontent. what happened to the word comittment? what happend to all those years they spent together? the sex? the pain that my friend endured for sex!? hehe. what happened to the love?
being single for two years now, it silenced me. i didnt know what to say and how to react, neither did i knew how to comfort him. being single for that long made me just raise my shoulders and say thats just it. before i wud know how to react, and give some well thought of advice. am i numb? or am i just too comfortable being single? or maybe am i just too bitter?
while looking up some tracks over at musicOne at greenbelt, a long time friend texted me. since i lost my phone a few months ago, i also lost most of my contacts. anyway, he was asking me to join him and the rest of my friends at the white party in malate. first, its not really my type to go into such happenings, and second, id rather sleep. whats disturbing really was when he told me that his long time bf admitted that he was two-timing him and is dating one of his agents for two wiks now. can't beleive it. i wud have been crushed if that was me.
to actually date someone else is one thing but to date YOUR OWN AGENT? geez? that is an immortal sin to the code of professionalism. rule number one! DONT DATE SOMEONE AT WORK! it is a mess. not only with your work but what did that guy think when he started dating his agent? didnt he even think of how people would make gossips behind their backs, how people would think that hes doing favor for the guy if ever hes get appraisals and stuff that corporate shits do, and how easily filipino crab-mentality would creep up their bodies and eat their relationship alive?
i wud have rather wanted that guy to break my friend up than to cheat him in utter discontent. what happened to the word comittment? what happend to all those years they spent together? the sex? the pain that my friend endured for sex!? hehe. what happened to the love?
being single for two years now, it silenced me. i didnt know what to say and how to react, neither did i knew how to comfort him. being single for that long made me just raise my shoulders and say thats just it. before i wud know how to react, and give some well thought of advice. am i numb? or am i just too comfortable being single? or maybe am i just too bitter?
Friday, June 23, 2006
that guy from chowking
its not often that i get to watch tv, but when i do i wud always look for chowking's commercial where this guy treats everybody. well hes one of the reasons why i watch tv now, i have a huge crush on him. first it was chowking's billboard model, which i dont fail to look at whenver i pass by baclaran, airport road and sucat road, until they replaced him with someone holding a phone in his ears whos obviously a homo. bummer.
anyway, my dad left this morning for abroad again, my mom stayed until after 3 months where she wud again have her vacation in KSA. this week was a riot. i had a fight with my sis, shouted at my dad, had my notebook overheating, my head overheating, my heart crushed, my mind left blanked. sometimes i just wanted to get away from it all. i just wanted to stay home, sleep my head off, and imagine things.
ive been into horror flicks again, all of whom are due to biboy's insistent demand to hear me scream in fright, which was futile, since The Omen, and the American Haunting was no close to Amytivylle in giving me a reason not to sleep in my own room for a month. anyway, thanks biboy for all those times youd shared with me, and that eventful night that i made tantrums. hehehe. and thanks for grey's anatomy... ung 2nd season hihintayin ko ha. hahaha! kapal ko!
community rotation sucks big time! this afternoon we had our "round-table discussion" or should i say "round-chair discussion". Me and emman just made laughs out of every topic, we wud just butt-in and make silly comments, ask silly questions, pretend like we're call center agents with our diction. what if nga, our payback options wud allow us to donate our body organs.
say: choose payback options
a. organ donation
b. blood transfusion of 1,000 cc/month
c. donate body as cadaver specimen
d. community work
hmmm... im thinkn id choose organ donation... i'd donate part of my belly to someone in need of it (as if someone wud actually need it). yoko nga maging cadaver, pagtsitsismisan lang ako how small my dick is. haha. gawain namin un when we were first year, on our first anatomy dissection class, our immediate reaction upon seeing our cadaver was "ay! bakit ang liit ng TITI, pero in fairness matigas sya"... naku naman syempre nag Rigor Mortis na di ba? nevertheless, holding a cadaver's penis is in no way pleasurable. haha.
i wish id see chowking's commercial again... haaaay!
wishful thinking yet again!
anyway, my dad left this morning for abroad again, my mom stayed until after 3 months where she wud again have her vacation in KSA. this week was a riot. i had a fight with my sis, shouted at my dad, had my notebook overheating, my head overheating, my heart crushed, my mind left blanked. sometimes i just wanted to get away from it all. i just wanted to stay home, sleep my head off, and imagine things.
ive been into horror flicks again, all of whom are due to biboy's insistent demand to hear me scream in fright, which was futile, since The Omen, and the American Haunting was no close to Amytivylle in giving me a reason not to sleep in my own room for a month. anyway, thanks biboy for all those times youd shared with me, and that eventful night that i made tantrums. hehehe. and thanks for grey's anatomy... ung 2nd season hihintayin ko ha. hahaha! kapal ko!
community rotation sucks big time! this afternoon we had our "round-table discussion" or should i say "round-chair discussion". Me and emman just made laughs out of every topic, we wud just butt-in and make silly comments, ask silly questions, pretend like we're call center agents with our diction. what if nga, our payback options wud allow us to donate our body organs.
say: choose payback options
a. organ donation
b. blood transfusion of 1,000 cc/month
c. donate body as cadaver specimen
d. community work
hmmm... im thinkn id choose organ donation... i'd donate part of my belly to someone in need of it (as if someone wud actually need it). yoko nga maging cadaver, pagtsitsismisan lang ako how small my dick is. haha. gawain namin un when we were first year, on our first anatomy dissection class, our immediate reaction upon seeing our cadaver was "ay! bakit ang liit ng TITI, pero in fairness matigas sya"... naku naman syempre nag Rigor Mortis na di ba? nevertheless, holding a cadaver's penis is in no way pleasurable. haha.
i wish id see chowking's commercial again... haaaay!
wishful thinking yet again!
Friday, June 09, 2006
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