today i went to PRC to officially file my application for the coming August Physician liscensure examination. they rejected my application since there is a discrepancy with my NSO birth certificate and the name i'm using in all of my documents. apparently, in my birth certificate i am PAPA II and according to them its not the same as PAPA JR. they wanted me to file for a pettition for correction at the municipal city of paranaque regarding my name. the catch is, it would take 2 months, 3000 php fee and a 2000 php publication fee before it can be released. i was in awe with the bad luck i have. upon hearing the no-nonsense solution of the lady at PRC i just stood there blankly. her saying the words "you cannot take the board exams" quickly sinked on me as i sat outside the office of the recieving window, holding the blue application paper which said "rejected". i felt rejected. i wanted to cry seeing other people filling up their forms, asking myself why are these things happening to me. i for once, among so many others, is so eager to take the boards, pass it, because i have so many plans for in my life that i cannot afford to just wait around.
it was so hard. i feld like all my hopes where crushed in an instant. i asked my husband to call me that very same instance. hearing him i really wanted to cry, but was too shy to let other people see me. after calling him, i felt i gave my husband another problem. from among the so many problems i have, i somehow subconsciously pass everything to him. he has so many problems of his own, i dont mean to contribute more. i feel like a worthless fool. my ultimate goal after passing the boards was just to be with him. and now i dont know what will happen. nani kept on telling me that everything will be alright, that every problem has its solution. my husband is keeping upp hope when i feel like i dont have one. times like this i really appreciate my nani so much. countless times he's right. like that one time i bickered over my broken VAIO, he himself researched on how to fix it, even buying me a vista cd. and that one time i cried over my tooth, he told me that like computers, teeth can be fixed. and now, at this time when i feel like everything is not going right, he says no matter what he will always be there for me. im sure he is right, that this is just a test, and nothing but a test, and i would come out of this alive.
its 11:00pm, and keeping the hope that my husband has for me, im still striving to review. there are some pauses in between topics as questions of "what if's" come into play. i pray that i can be allowed to take the boards. like any other applicants i beleive i should be given a chance, for God knows how badly i want this and how eager i am wanting this.
i love you hon with all my heart
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