dreams, dreams, dreams... when i feel blue, i close my eyes, whenver i want to all i have to do is.....

they say dreams are reflections of our subconscious mind....

these past few weeks i had trouble sleeping (this is proof), and i had two consecutive nightmares that jolts me out of my bed (like in those movies hon di ba?). first i had this dream where i invited my hon on a family reunion held at my lola's place. as i was about to bring him the desert, my honey was gone. i asked my lola about my hon's whereabout and she just said that he went to davao and left me a note saying he has an asthma attack and afraid i might contract the same. i hurriedly drove down the airport crying still with the desert at my hand. second dream, i was incidentally, through an UTZ, became pregnant and the baby is dead. the twist is, the opening of my uterus is not in line with my external opening (i hate to say vagina coz i dont like vaginas). i was a candidate for a CS however there are too many patients at OM that i had to be scheduled as an elective. another fear is that i had to be CP cleared and since im a smoker, i have a decreased lung capacity, and all sorts of scenarios have come into play.

in all those dreams i woke up feeling dazed, and glad it wasnt true. i cannot attribute my dreams to one single etiology. perhaps, my wanting to have a child or give my husband our own child could be a source of my "pseudopregnant IUFD dream", or my fear that my husband leaving me might have been the source of the former dream i had titled "park and ride" (and i assume all these dreams would have aptly been titled hehehe). i guess im feeling stressed out with this board preparations. to be honest, im in a panic mode.

at the beginning of the review, i still have my pace, i attend my classes, i enjoy the class. but now it feels like im charging in too slow or perhaps too fast. eventhough i have already finished reading the entire High yield IM book last weekend, it seemd to me that nothing has been retained. that nothing that i can do would suffice.

going to st. jude every thurs helped a lot though. seeing people with the same need, the same longingness, the same hardship all together in one gathering made me realize im not the only one. im thankful for a loving partner who takes care of me when i cant care for myself. i miss him so much though.

the burden of the board exam simply rests on me... no one is ever prepared for exams like this. one is neither too prepared or too lax. we are all in that state where nerves sets in.

lastly, i hate the idea that i cant sleep when i wanted too but easily fall asleep when i should not.

ABANAKAKAPAGSULAT PALA ANG NANI KO

this is the first time my husband has ever written a long letter for me, usually sa mga maliliit na cards lang everytime he would give me presents ( ung isa pa dun naitapon ni mama! kainis). i love you
_________________________________________________

This is the husband of NRQ, who is the owner of this blogspot. I have never been interested in reading blogs…as in never since the advent of internet (you can imagine how many decades ago that was!). nevertheless, since me and my honey became officially US, I started to read his blogs starting from the very first entry up to the dora’s box thingy….surprisingly, I got so amused by it and I even told my honey that I’m already a fan of his blogspot and I always look forward to his latest entries…of course, I try to be discreet in letting him know that he has a fan in me coz he might really get conceited and self-centered! (uyy,,,nanglilisik na naman ang mata niyan!)love you hon!

I don’t know if he will post this or not but the most important thing is that I want to show the readers of this blog my appreciation and how lucky and thankful I am for having such a self-centered, monosynaptic, ADHD afflicted, and paraphiliac as my honey and lifetime partner. All of us have our own flaws. Physical, psychological, emotional. Name them. We both have them. What’s good about our relationship is that we don’t look at these as imperfections and as things to hate, but rather, things to accept and to love wholeheartedly. (Oh, I forgot to mention that we both love to laugh. I mean a lot. Call it MANIA. but that’s what keeps us going.) However flawed we are, we just know how to make fun of the littlest blessings (good and bad circumstances) that we have. My honey is so child-like that sometimes, I tend to be like a damn father figure for him! hehehehe...I appreciate it a lot when he would consult me first prior to arriving at any life-changing decisions like where to take his medical boards review, what color of contact lens fits him best, what to wear, etc.etc. (The last two examples are Life changing daw oh! ) Anyway, I also appreciate it a lot when he asks me about things that he do not have a grasp of yet (like corporate ethics, management of certain diseases, how to handle people, financial management etc.) and it makes me want to teach him more about different facts of corporate life. For that, I love him so much because he knows and he recognizes his limitations and he is very open to learn more about different aspects of professional life. At this early stage in his life, I can see that he is really born with great leadership skills that’s why I’m so eager to train him to become a great leader coz I know, sooner than I expect, he will really be one of the best doctors in the country and could also be one hell of a corporate doctor executive (if he chooses the path of corporate medicine) who can change the lives of others in a positive light.

I still have a lot of good things (and bad, like he doesn’t eat vegetables, drinks a lot of coffee which causes him gastritis and hyperacidity, he smokes too much which makes him breath like he’s always puffing cigarettes, hehehe) to say about my honey, but one thing is for sure…no matter how imperfect (but a great guy) you are and no matter how painful your past experiences with your ex’s were, I will always be here to support you in all of your aspirations in life.

I have never been very vocal about my feelings but you made me believe in BLOGS, which is the new-age form of expression of emotions and thoughts and this is reason why I am writing an entry for you as your husband….J. I have learned to appreciate its relevance in our relationship because this is where I can revisit your thoughts and emotions and this is where I can be assured (in documented form!) that what we have right now is not just a thing of the present but something to look forward to in the future and cherish for the rest of our lives.

SHOWBIZ FANS CAN BE BRANDED AS BADUY or bakya or pang-masa. I can be qualified as such from now on because I am a fan of my honey, who was an ex-showbiz child star and a wanna-be rock star singer, and I'm always looking forward to his BLOGS, just like a die hard fan of Nora Aunor who is waiting for her next movie project after the well acclaimed HIMALA and NAGLALAYAG....That's how I feel now..So, write more BLOGS honey!!!!!!!!

I love you with all my heart.

opening dora's box by request

im already half way through my medical board review at UST, and so far its going on quite well. Dr. Lim, repiratory physio, told us that 5% of our retention comes from listening to lectures, so far i have only managed to skip twice of my afternoon sessions, and the rest i stayed on until 5pm... which is needless to say was excruciating. my nani was right, much to the effect of going through a review class was creating confidence in myself. my nani and i have been arguing before whether to attend a reveiw class or not. and im glad i followed his advice. certainly not all mothers know best, husbands always do. hehehe.

the other night, i recieved an odd phone call from a skeleton i already kept on my closet. he was needing my help with a prescription for a certain regulated drug. i was wanting to help him, but what irritates me is the way he completely reiterated stuffs from the past. he was telling me how he would have a lot of ways to reach me and "come back" to me, but he just dont want to. even telling me not to be a "feelingero". for a second there i thought this guy is so conceited. i may have love you and went gaga on you but everyone has to move on... i certainly moved on.

talking to him that night made me realized i am so grateful he "let go of me", had it not happen, i wouldnt be able to meet my husband right now. i dont want to compare but my honey is far too different from him. i guess thats what biological diversity is all about. hehehe. unlike my past, my husband is so down to earth. he doesnt look down on other people. he is so helpful that he has made a taxi driver's life to be more bearable by helping his family, giving clothes and stuff, were even planning to have his kids baptized soon. thinking that he has achieved so much at his age, he could easily spend it to worldliness things, but he doesnt. my husband, makes it a point to make other people comfortable, my friends for that matter. he has become so fond of my friends. i remember my ex, whenever theres a picture taking together with my friends, he would completely decline. i wonder. hahaha. my husband would even be the one to initiate taking pictures (frustrated photographer din ang nani). my husband doesnt mind holding my hand when crossing the road, or watching a movie, or eating. bottom line is, never did i felt that my husband is not proud of me. he thoroughly assures me that he is happy being with me with every little gestures he makes. he's just so proud of me. he sees me as the cutest and sexiest guy (which little by little is getting in my head now hehehe). lastly, i am thankful for his support. ive been having a lot of fears with the coming board exams but he makes it a point to inculcate in me that i can do it. he simply brings confidence in me and even more (he pushes me to study). i love every bit of my husband. and likewise im so proud of being his partner.

im not trying to sound bitter with this blog, but i just like to say that humility is always appreciated rather than telling me that you're ok and contradicting everything up with an attitude. hindi ako lumalaban before with everything said to me, but now i have the courage to. last note, my blog can never be restricted no more, it is my own and i can do whatever i can with it. i still pray for your speedy recovery. whatever problems you have right now, hope you can resolve it.

for now lets pan dora's box close... VAMANOS!!!! hehehe love you naniboy!