pain a habit, hurt a meal, loneliness a chore

sometimes painful events have to happen for one to learn a lesson. its too bad that it has to be that way but God has his way of testing a person, coz life is and has always been a test, and only a test, coz had it been actual, He could have given us instructions.

tuesday was one of the lowest, the most painful thing, that has happened to me, and wednesday was the hardest i ever had to cope in skul in the whole of my academic stay. funny coz thinking about it, no matter how strong a person is, one can and will never escape breaking-down with friends when things are just unbearable. and its such an ease of heart to cry on friend's shoulder and hear them say "you're ok, were here". God has blessed me with so much friends to endear. hardest, coz you have not slept that night, have not stopped crying that night, and above of it all, you have to finish your presentation in skul, you have study, and you have to forget. you sit in class, pretend nothing happened to you and try to listen to the lecture, then you cant help it, you want to cry, you want to forget, you bow down your head and pretend sleeping.

that day, tim and i was at the car on the way home, and i told him everything. he told me things, a lot of things, things that i never knew was inside me, things i never knew i had, things i never knew people see in me, for i tell you people, even just one incidence could wipe clean your confidence...to its last drop. but somehow, friends like tim, are those friends that would collect those drops for you until you become whole. friends like ara, wapi, jern, are those that will listen when all the world has turned its back on you. friends like paula and laurice are those that would care for you without if's or but's. friends like myk and margaux, are those you'd feel you're on top of the world.

i dont know how long or how soon till things will be ok to me. building one's self up, over and over and over again gets tiring. proving something works like "love" gets overrated. meeting up, going on dates are getting scarier and frustrating now. finding new ways of coping is now being a burden to think of. understanding things arent the way i used to now. everything has change. so drastic and so painful.

and you have to be strong, coz people are counting you to....