who says going to a salon when you're depressed is a girly thing?

yes, i shaved my hair! its of two reasons, first, coz i needed (and believed i needed) to do something to get out of my depression and second, i'd like to test whether having less hair would increase the velocity of me memorizing drugs. i found out that the latter didnt help at all. wednesday, was my shifting for pharma and micro. all along i thought pharma would be given in the afternoon. so i was confident enough to go to skul, with micro on my head. then i was informed, 45 mins before the exams that it is pharma that will be given in the morning session. DAMN! i was running down the hallway, cussing at my self, banging my head with my palm. it took into my advantage though, coz it was a tough exam. whether you studied well or not, the results are just the same. and im glad it was that hard...at least i had a very good reason why i flunked it.

i was just so glad the week is through. comparing last year's shifting exams, this one is like finals, both in terms of the bulk of the topic and the toughness of the schedule. one more day of it would definitely raise my intracranial pressure and rupture my retinal vessels, leaving me with red, painful eyes. every fucking night of that exam week was tormenting. the last thing that could have happen to me was to vomit every single word i memorized and every damn topic i didnt understand. i had the urge to forcefully puke myself just to get out of my throbbing head. its the same feeling i often have when im drunk and all messed up, and the only thing that could make me sober was to puke the entire ethanol drink. it was such a bummer.

i knew i didnt do well as i expect id do in my shifting. i guess i really was culture shocked. i never believed in culture shock not until it was i who is actually in that point of circumstance where i weigh my procratinating and my need to study. except for Obstetrics (which i am certain i will pass), the rest i dont want to expect. though passing in the rest of my subjects would be bitter sweet. i guess i did my part, and i did all i can, its up to the heavens to help me..

i dont have plans yet of how i would make through the the second shifting. i dont want to make plans, coz i always end up not following it. im stubborn. but there's just one thing that i could assure of...i will avenge my demise! i shall rise up from the ashes of my procrastination. i shall lift myself out of my depression. i shall not fall prey again to 'misinterpreted' feelings, i will not make a fool of myself nomore, i will start to date, i will not be the one hurt again, i will streghten myself up, i shall change my path in life and i will be no longer afraid!

and lastly i shall stop telling myself what i will and will not do!

i am a changed man, i am a new me, i am a shaved head...