pressuring rain

its stormy outside my windows. i didn't went to work afraid that i might just get stranded. and now im just home listening to the howls of the rain on my roof and feeling the loneliness it somehow brings. when will it ever stop?

last friday i met up with my friends from med school, had dinner with them and catched up on things we missed. my friend ara told me from time to time to give myself some extra priority. she's right. looking back, when i had dinner, i knew i miss so much of my life. that ive been giving it to someone and im left with nothing. i guess that's the only way i know how to love and maybe it was righ, bu yet again, i know it isnt. im deluding myself with the idea that im fine and that everything will be ok. but as time goes by, its becoming worse. how long can two people hurt each other? him not communicating, me nagging and pleading, us giving each other hard times. i realize that i really am pressuring people up. im selfish to think of my own happiness with someone, when in fact i can find happiness within myself... but it isnt the same...

a friend once said that the only thing that people lacks is that we don't know how to give people chances... and now im still holding on to that chance that everything will be ok... that everything will go back to the way it was... that i will be again be loved like it was the first time... i would still be waiting.

___________

Nina introduced me to this song:

[Rihanna]

As much as I love you

As much as I need you

And I can't stand you

Must everything you do make me wanna smile

Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]

But you won't let me

You upset me girl

And then you kiss my lips

All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)

Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]

But I hate it...You know exactly what to do

So that I can't stay mad at you

For too long that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]

But I hate it...You know exactly how to touch

So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more

Said I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna:]

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)

I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)

And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)

But I just can't let you go

And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]

You completely know the power that you have

The only one makes me laugh[

Rihanna:]

Said it's not fair

How you take advantage of the fact

That I... love you beyond the reason why

And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]

And I hate how much I love you girl

I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)

And I hate how much I love you girl

But I just can't let you go

But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me

And your kiss won't make me weak

But no one in this world knows me the way you know me

So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Rihanna:]

As much I love you (as much as I need you)

As much as I need you (oooh..)

As much I love you (oh..)

As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]

And I hate that I love you so

And I hate how much I love you boy

I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)

And I hate how much I love you boy

But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)

And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...