corporate or clinician

today i just finished watching "the pursuit of happyness" by will smith. it was a real touching movie about perseverance and having to reap the success out of it. its amazing to know that successful people really started from scratch. it gave me a relief from my present struggle. i have always thought of myself as a good-for-nothing-parent-rat. while most of the people my age are earning tons of money and having a swell time with it, im stuck in this timeline where all i do was study. now things are moving fast as quickly as i thought it would be. in a few months, ill be facing the reality that i have to work my way up. its probably the same thing with what im doing right now but the only addition is the paycheck. hopefully.

when me and my husband had our first phone call, during that time that i learned that he is a doctor as well (which he wanted to earnestly not disclose hahaha), he introduced me to another facet of being a physician... a leader and a manager. of course, i have already been acquianted with the idea way back in med school but to actually realized a different setting is all new to me. from all the stories my husband has been telling me it made me want to go corporate. but knowing that you have to travel once every often makes me think otherwise. my husband is in davao right now. its just for one day, but nevertheless i miss him so much. i thought somehow id be able to accept it thoroughly but still its not quite. i guess i need more time to acclimitize with the condition. im a paranoid freak. yes! my husband knows that. thats why i appreciate the fact that he would text me whenever possible so as not to spur moments of my ADHD. i love him for that.

whats really nice with my honey is that he lets me choose whatever path i wud like to take being a doctor. he wants me to actually be a clinician. saying that my personality suits it more. and he told me before that he sees a good clinician in me which all along i thought i was a "balahura" doctor (taken much from my stay at OM). im glad my honey sees the goodness in me. i love him more with that. we would always joke around how he wanted me to go into OB and have all my patients on CS, coz by that time he woundnt have to work for us.

speaking of... one of the things i would really like to do is to serve my honey. he knows that. he knows how i would like to pick him up and drive him to his house and all that. but he wouldnt approve of it thinking it is too tasking to do. the thing is, its one of those things i want to do for my husband in return to the kindness that he has always been imparting me. i remember the great feeling i had when he finally approved of me driving him to the airport one early morning. you know that smile that characters often have in the movies after driving their loved ones in the airport? i had that smile. that kilig factor. sadly in this trip, he didnt allow me. :( bu he promised me next time. yey!!!!

i miss my honey na. come home safe is all im asking... love you honey!!!!

board review

3 months from now ill be taking the boards exam... ooopps, i slip! i shouldnt be anouncing my plans so as not to get msgs from people if ever i didnt pass. anyway, emails have been pouring in about where to reveiw and tips on how to review. one of the emails i got was that from willie ong, the famous author of medicine blue book (one of the med books i consider truly handy).

heres one email response i got from our meskul yahoo group mail, coming from jona may sy:

sorry... wrong info... eto yung latest na natanong ko...
UP review P3500, june 2-8 lang ata..mock exams lang... 4 hrs per subject: 2 hrs exam, 2 hrs to discuss the answers... according sa chismis, wala daw lumalabas sa boards from the UP review questions... konti na lang slots, less than 100 na lang (source: elleen)...

APMC 2 mos P8500, 80 slots lang, last week 40 pa lang ata nag-enrol (source: xy)...

UST 1 month P12000, 300 slots lang, may available pa yatang 100 slots (source: Western Visayas friend)...

PLM...walang review! pero pwede daw gamitin and rooms dun para mag-review.. . (source: dette) big help!

astig mga batchmates ko, talk about resourcefulness! my source pa. i was warned before that there will be more to come. but what really strike me was PLM. this will be the first year PLM wouldnt be holding its reveiw classes. before it was like 3500, sat review sessions, which was fairly cheap. i was actually looking forward to this one since it would be nice to sit down with my batchmates and talk about catching up with stuffs, not much about the review. hehe. romours has it that there are on going war inside the campus about dean being dethrown ( yes, she think she owned it). its not farfetched since even during my time as a student council way back 2005, we fought for her unrelentless play of power. now that she has OM consultants and PLM alumni armying against her, its not a suprise why everything is in chaos.

i love my school, especially the college of Medicine where i beleive i have grown up as a person (to say the least). the minute i heard that PLM clerks now have a monthly rotation at Manila Doctors, i screamed for injustice! Ospital ng Maynila has been a home for PLMed. it taught us alumni the value of hardship and friendship, the service that our own mission and vision implied to us in the four years that we have spent in the college. i dont find the need for clerks to have a rotation in a private hospital where they would just "hang around". clerkship at OM is one that i would most definitely go back if given a chance. unmindful of all the stress that that hospital has given me, it gave me the confidence to go own my own. besides after clerkship we are given the chance to chose whichever hospital to have our internship with. that alone gave us that confidence.

sad to know how things have changed.... they say that PLMed has been losing its culture... its batch awareness... let it be a challenge for my fellow alumni to bring back the essence of us being scholars...

______________________________________

on a lighter side... here are some pics from our win at the MCM annual interns case presentation. our case: right hypoplastic heart syndrome

frustrations

how many times does a normal person gets to have that one night where he would just think and feel like things are moving slowly and that hes just standing still.... this is one of those nights.

i helplessly twist and turn in my bed trying to catch some sleep but all i that i was able to do was initiate that conscious mind where realizations come into play. i got up, and bought 2 bottles of beer. most people who have such a predicament would resort into talking to someone or having a drink with someone, but i have this habit that whenver i cant handle things i tend to become isolated. ergo... i drink alone. in my room. blogging.

tonight i got to think of a lot of things. frustrations as they it is. but what really bothers me are the fears that i might not be able to get out of it alive. hmmmm... the beer tastes so good. anyway, there are so much in me that makes me frustrated. so damn many that i cant identify them one by one.

family. later this day, ara, jern, and sheng hitched a ride with me until sucat. on the way, ara and i were talking. i asked his father, tito atoy, if ever he would be willing to be a ninong in my wedding. he immediately said yes. infact he was so eager that he kept on telling ara that if canada would be a great place to get married since its legal there. he also said to ara that he would be proud to be my ninong since he already treats me as his own. but the sad part of it is that, he also said that it would have been best if i tell my parents all about it. he said "iba pa rin pag may blessing ng magulang". how i wish. e baka di pa nga sila pumunta. sometimes i wish that my dad is more open minded to things like tito atoy is. perhaps maybe its easy for tito atoy since im not his son. but nevertheless, the idea of telling my parents all about me bothers me. how am i suppose to tell them? is there a right time for me to tell them? how should i tell them? sometimes i wish my mom knows everything. i wanted to confide on her whenever my husband gets angry with me. id like to share all those kilig moments i have with my husband. it would have been so great of a feeling knowing that you could confide to the person who was there from the beginning.

friends. aside from my groupmates i seldom see them. i dont know but i tend to reserve all my time to my lover than to my friends when im comitted. i dont know if its a bad thing to do, but i do it unconsciously. i procastinate on gimiks not involving my love. is there a proper way of balancing everything out? it seems so hard. i tend to make plans with my friends in those times that my husband would be free. i feel like it wouldnt be that fun without him to be only just with my friends. i miss pam, nina, wapi, jayson, pau, tim, margaux, ice, andrea, mike... people who have made me happy during those times that i was struggling with my emotions. help....

husband. i dont know the rightful way of loving. people say to be like this, be like that... its not easy. the only way i know how to love is by following whats inside of me. but too much of it hurts my husband. sometimes i feel like im hurting him rather than loving him. i rationalize things and realized there maybe something in me thats wrong. i am selfish. i think of only myself. i tend to seek tremendous attention. im a brat maybe. but as slowly as i realize all these things, i tend to be overly careful. i dont want to lose my husband. sometimes im afraid to tell words that might be misinterpreted. the least that i would want to happen is even my "lambing" be converted to an irritant. someone once told me that i was demanding. i guess that is true. but what is demanding anyway? my friend nina told me last year that in a relationship, both have the right to demand... but the question is, is there a proper way to demand? im confused.... bottom line i love my husband. i would do everything not to lose him. in every relationship that i had, i have always think that we would end up forever. but sad truth is forever becomes an understatement as they tend to give you up. but with my husband, hes different. he may have a wild temperament but at the end of the day he comes back to me. unlike my past relationships where i used to dream of forever, with him, he dreams of forever the same way that i do. and that alone made me love him more.

i love my husband... i would love to give him more of me....


14 by silent sanctuary

Inaayos ko ang iyong isipan
Ngunit hindi ka nakikinig
Lahat na ng bagay ay aking ginawa ngunit
Wala parin

Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Wala nang kwentang nakaraan
Pero iyong pinipilit

Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling

Lagi na lang tayong nag-aaway
Kahit di dapat pag-awayan
Tuwing ika'y lumuluha ako'y nasasaktan
Pag nakikita kang ganyan

Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Ikaw lang kasi, maniwala ka

Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling

Pero bakit ganyan
Tayo ay napaglalaruan
Siguro nga'y sadyang ganyan

Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling

Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Pati na rin ang 'yong pangarap
Sasamahan kita kahit saan
Kahit saan

Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling

DAP DARAP DAP DAP LOVE KO 'TO!

i was happy, i was able to spend my long weekend with my asawa. with the help of my very good friend ara, we stayed at the Development Academy of the Philippines (DAP), c/o tita sally who gave us a cheap price for the suite room. the room was spacious, with a living room, a queen size bed, a walk in closet and a bathroom equipped with hot and cold shower. the only catch is we have to drive to the city proper to eat and the coffee costs 40 pesos. nevertheless it was all worth it especially spending time with my hon.

during the stay i was able to realize a lot of things. one of which is that i am so lucky to have my honey. the way he would care for me, the way he would carry my bags, arrange our clothes. those simple gestures like getting me a glass of water, the way he would shift to the danger side when we cross the roads, the way he would hold my hand and not being too conscious about it, the way he would lend his jacket just to keep me warm. it always leave me smiling how he would be the one cussing over the pedestrians crossing inssesantly and the cars who would cut lanes in front of me. he does all the dirty driver talking for me. and that saves me time concentrating on the road especially at night. i love it when he complains of walking coz he hates walking. kung pwede lang tlga, pasasakayin ko sya ng wheelchair. i find it cute whenever he makes tantrums. i was suprised he was the one who brought all the toiletries for me even the toothbrush (he knows im a bad backpacker). he even brought boxer shorts for me (ganun ba ako tlga ka bad magpack ng clothes hon?) haha. i love the way he would give me his wallet for me to pay for our bills. he spoils me with my smoking, though often times he would regulate it.

waking up every morning, looking at his lovely, peaceful face, makes me so amazed that he is my husband. he is so gwapo even if he's still too tired to wake up. hugging him all through the night makes me feel so secure, makes me want to stay longer and cherish every bit of it. i love how he would secretly court my mom by buying flowers, foods like danggit, longganisa, stuffs that he orders from people who has been to the travels he should have been to but decided not to because of me. i appreciate him thinking about me whenver he makes a decision.

he is the only one who made plans for me. before i was the only one putting plans on the relationship, but he strenghtens my plans. and i know those plans will come true. i love so much.

thank you for accepting me. for accepting my friends, for loving them. thank you for you have a kind heart to everyone, for helping those who are in need, and i want to share with you the same passion.

he would always ask me how much i love him and if i still do each and every end of the day, and this i say: i love you, you are the reason why i love, and in that reason alone all is answered. i love you so much hon ko! mahal na mahal kita.

a long awaited vacation

January 19, Saturday, 2008, was the day me and my friends are opted to depart manila going to baguio to kickstart our ilocos tour. since our "flight" was not until 11pm, i decided to attend charm's wedding that same night. it was some sort of a reunion, her wedding. everyone in my big biobarkada was there. i was so happy seeing them. i arrived at her rainy wedding night just in time the doors of the church was opened to reveal a stunning lady whom i used to accompany slumping down PLM's corridors to review. that same night i knew we indeed are getting older. I AM GETTING OLDER. anyway, charm already texted me to wear barong for her wedding, but instead i wore a coat and tie that got me mistaken by the wedding coordinator as a "ninong". ganun ba ako katanda? hmp!. anyway, after the ceremony, i lead the convoy to the reception site. i bid farewell to everyone that i cant anymore attend the reception (kahit na sobrang gutom na gutom na ko) since i have a "flight" to catch. so i hurriedly went home, finished my packing and commuted my way to victory liner at pasay where i will be meeting ara, frank, oca and dexter.

the bus departed manila at 12mn and arrived at baguio city at 6am. there we were greeted by ate baby (ara's cousin) whom we would be staying with. we unloaded our packs and went on sight seeing and began our endless "picture taking". it was dexter's first time in baguio kaya medjo starry eyed pa sya. ara had an asthma attack which she attributed to me since i kept on leading them to nowhere. ganun pala yun sa baguio, parang malapit lang kaso habang papalapit ka parang nawawala. situation: we were already hungry that afternoon after a whole day of shopping, we opted to take a snack at SM city. from a far kala ko malapit lang so i told them we can walk, until we realize we have already been walking for 30minutes but di pa kme nakakarating. ara went on hyperventilating na saying that shes having an attack. we rested a bit along the side walk of session while frank hails the taxi. while at the taxi sakin lahat ang sisi. mga kaibigan nga naman! hahaha. anyway, we had coffee at mocha blends and ara (the hyperventilator) suddenly realized wala syang sandals to partner her outfit for tomorrows departure to laoag. so kahit na hinihika pa sya, ayun nag shopping for sandals na di naman din sya nakahanap. we headed home after. while at home, we unpacked our things just to pack them up again to see if our shopping finds can still fit our bags. well lucky it did.

the next morning, due to my insistent demand to buy strawberry, me, ara and dexter headed down to La trinidad, where i wud buy my well travelled strawberry. why well travelled strawberry? youll find out. anyway, we departed baguio monday 4pm to head for laoag where we would meet another friend of ours and co-intern, emmerson.

we arrived at laoag 12mn, oca whos not a fan of long travelling hours immediately commented that it wasnt her idea of a vacation. that earned her a slot in the guiness book of coined phrases as we have made that phrase a household name during our entire trip much to oca's chagrin. hehe. at laoag, we stayed at the DENR headquarters where emer's dad was the PENRO. astig di ba? his dad was also the key for us to venture the whole of laoag the following day. we went to almost everywhere, except the malacanang of the north kse it was late and the people who was bound to serve us lunch in pagudpod was already waiting for us. the highlight of my laoag trip was the windmills of bagui. just like ara said, it was the sight that stopped my clock and left me in awe. which it literally did. i was amazed, i was elated, i was ecstatic.

to be continued....

for other pictures visit: www.flickr.com/enriqpapa