After 1 month of review at UST, 1 1/2 months of self review, 4 weekends of exam, in 1instand it was over. waiting for the boards to come seemed to be forever but as slow as it came, the faster it just flew away. it was an agonizing ordeal. the studying, reading, re-reading, memorizing, anxiousness, fear, all sorts of emotions come into play. sometimes at the middle of the study i wanted to quit. i thought what am i going into. i felt it wasnt worth it.
going through this board exam months, it made me closer to God even more. whenever i feel like going down i just pray. Mother of Perpetual Help and St. Jude has been my instrument. i have kept their novenas in my pocket in the course of my entire exam. it help me a lot in terms of keeping faith and hope. but as they all say, prayers are nothing without one's own actions. as much as i dread studying, i just had to. everytime i ask God and all the saints to give me that strength to remember things that i read. to make me think clearly within my own heart to answer questions i dont know.
the board exam was not easy as i expect it. alumni from my school kept telling me it was easier than our comprehensive exams prior to graduation. well it was more of like in equal bearing. the only difference is that during our comprehensive exam, i admit i really didnt pay attention so much on studying. it was done on four mondays of January and sat and sun was our only days to study, and you have to be so unlucky if your duty falls on a friday coz you still have to be at the hospital the following day to wait for your interns whom youd be endorsing with. i failed 4 subjects on our comprehensive exams, and i retake them, and with God's divine grace i passed them and graduated. Now, its a whole different story with the board exams. no retakes of subjects. i have to study and not rely on my own stock knowldge to answer questions. and whats worst is you're up against 1000 plus examinees you dont know how to gauge.
i admit i had a hard time in the exams, especially anatomy, physiology, surgery and pediatrics, the same four subjects i failed in my comprehensive exams. anatomy was nothing from what i expect the questions would be like. topics i thought wouldnt come up, did come up. Physiology, i argued in my mind the logic of arriving at a right answer. it was more of a fight within myself. Surgery was out of this world. i couldnt say more. Pediatrics, no questions about developmental milestones, only 2 items on vaccines, the rest was like physio, patho, pharma combined into one. every after one subject i felt exhausted. being with friends helped a lot. coz thats the only time we get to laugh in between takes. we would ask questions to each other for the next exams. a few items came out from that, and i was happy. i love my friends. i noticed we were the only loud group of people in the course of the exam. it felt like we were back in skul days where we dont care except that we care to have fun.
on the last day of the exam, i thought we just had the Bar exam, coz a lot of people were waiting outside. parents, relatives, girlfriends, boyfriends, all waiting for their "manok" to come out of the fighting arena. it was an envious sight. i thought it would be so much of a relief seeing your parents, or my boyfriend waiting there outside and hugging me. but it was ok. after the exams we went to St. Jude and St. claire's to give thanks and ask for guidance and hope. it was Nina's birthday too so i had a reason to drink my worries away last night. but when i got home it all sink in. it was over. the board exams were over. the most agonizing part now sets in. the waiting part.
i've called so many saints, rally my novena, attended masses, prayed everynight that hopefully all my efforts be paid off.
last night my honey told me something that helped me ease. he told me that eventhough he wasnt there waiting outside after the exams, he said " debale pagpumasa ka, andun ako". i cried myself to sleep. thank you honey, it has been an agonizing ordeal for the both of us as well, thank you for keeping up with me. i love you so much.
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