today i just finished watching "the pursuit of happyness" by will smith. it was a real touching movie about perseverance and having to reap the success out of it. its amazing to know that successful people really started from scratch. it gave me a relief from my present struggle. i have always thought of myself as a good-for-nothing-parent-rat. while most of the people my age are earning tons of money and having a swell time with it, im stuck in this timeline where all i do was study. now things are moving fast as quickly as i thought it would be. in a few months, ill be facing the reality that i have to work my way up. its probably the same thing with what im doing right now but the only addition is the paycheck. hopefully.
when me and my husband had our first phone call, during that time that i learned that he is a doctor as well (which he wanted to earnestly not disclose hahaha), he introduced me to another facet of being a physician... a leader and a manager. of course, i have already been acquianted with the idea way back in med school but to actually realized a different setting is all new to me. from all the stories my husband has been telling me it made me want to go corporate. but knowing that you have to travel once every often makes me think otherwise. my husband is in davao right now. its just for one day, but nevertheless i miss him so much. i thought somehow id be able to accept it thoroughly but still its not quite. i guess i need more time to acclimitize with the condition. im a paranoid freak. yes! my husband knows that. thats why i appreciate the fact that he would text me whenever possible so as not to spur moments of my ADHD. i love him for that.
whats really nice with my honey is that he lets me choose whatever path i wud like to take being a doctor. he wants me to actually be a clinician. saying that my personality suits it more. and he told me before that he sees a good clinician in me which all along i thought i was a "balahura" doctor (taken much from my stay at OM). im glad my honey sees the goodness in me. i love him more with that. we would always joke around how he wanted me to go into OB and have all my patients on CS, coz by that time he woundnt have to work for us.
speaking of... one of the things i would really like to do is to serve my honey. he knows that. he knows how i would like to pick him up and drive him to his house and all that. but he wouldnt approve of it thinking it is too tasking to do. the thing is, its one of those things i want to do for my husband in return to the kindness that he has always been imparting me. i remember the great feeling i had when he finally approved of me driving him to the airport one early morning. you know that smile that characters often have in the movies after driving their loved ones in the airport? i had that smile. that kilig factor. sadly in this trip, he didnt allow me. :( bu he promised me next time. yey!!!!
i miss my honey na. come home safe is all im asking... love you honey!!!!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
board review
3 months from now ill be taking the boards exam... ooopps, i slip! i shouldnt be anouncing my plans so as not to get msgs from people if ever i didnt pass. anyway, emails have been pouring in about where to reveiw and tips on how to review. one of the emails i got was that from willie ong, the famous author of medicine blue book (one of the med books i consider truly handy).
heres one email response i got from our meskul yahoo group mail, coming from jona may sy:
sorry... wrong info... eto yung latest na natanong ko...
UP review P3500, june 2-8 lang ata..mock exams lang... 4 hrs per subject: 2 hrs exam, 2 hrs to discuss the answers... according sa chismis, wala daw lumalabas sa boards from the UP review questions... konti na lang slots, less than 100 na lang (source: elleen)...
UP review P3500, june 2-8 lang ata..mock exams lang... 4 hrs per subject: 2 hrs exam, 2 hrs to discuss the answers... according sa chismis, wala daw lumalabas sa boards from the UP review questions... konti na lang slots, less than 100 na lang (source: elleen)...
APMC 2 mos P8500, 80 slots lang, last week 40 pa lang ata nag-enrol (source: xy)...
UST 1 month P12000, 300 slots lang, may available pa yatang 100 slots (source: Western Visayas friend)...
PLM...walang review! pero pwede daw gamitin and rooms dun para mag-review.. . (source: dette) big help!
astig mga batchmates ko, talk about resourcefulness! my source pa. i was warned before that there will be more to come. but what really strike me was PLM. this will be the first year PLM wouldnt be holding its reveiw classes. before it was like 3500, sat review sessions, which was fairly cheap. i was actually looking forward to this one since it would be nice to sit down with my batchmates and talk about catching up with stuffs, not much about the review. hehe. romours has it that there are on going war inside the campus about dean being dethrown ( yes, she think she owned it). its not farfetched since even during my time as a student council way back 2005, we fought for her unrelentless play of power. now that she has OM consultants and PLM alumni armying against her, its not a suprise why everything is in chaos.
i love my school, especially the college of Medicine where i beleive i have grown up as a person (to say the least). the minute i heard that PLM clerks now have a monthly rotation at Manila Doctors, i screamed for injustice! Ospital ng Maynila has been a home for PLMed. it taught us alumni the value of hardship and friendship, the service that our own mission and vision implied to us in the four years that we have spent in the college. i dont find the need for clerks to have a rotation in a private hospital where they would just "hang around". clerkship at OM is one that i would most definitely go back if given a chance. unmindful of all the stress that that hospital has given me, it gave me the confidence to go own my own. besides after clerkship we are given the chance to chose whichever hospital to have our internship with. that alone gave us that confidence.
sad to know how things have changed.... they say that PLMed has been losing its culture... its batch awareness... let it be a challenge for my fellow alumni to bring back the essence of us being scholars...
______________________________________
on a lighter side... here are some pics from our win at the MCM annual interns case presentation. our case: right hypoplastic heart syndrome
Friday, April 18, 2008
frustrations
how many times does a normal person gets to have that one night where he would just think and feel like things are moving slowly and that hes just standing still.... this is one of those nights.
i helplessly twist and turn in my bed trying to catch some sleep but all i that i was able to do was initiate that conscious mind where realizations come into play. i got up, and bought 2 bottles of beer. most people who have such a predicament would resort into talking to someone or having a drink with someone, but i have this habit that whenver i cant handle things i tend to become isolated. ergo... i drink alone. in my room. blogging.
tonight i got to think of a lot of things. frustrations as they it is. but what really bothers me are the fears that i might not be able to get out of it alive. hmmmm... the beer tastes so good. anyway, there are so much in me that makes me frustrated. so damn many that i cant identify them one by one.
family. later this day, ara, jern, and sheng hitched a ride with me until sucat. on the way, ara and i were talking. i asked his father, tito atoy, if ever he would be willing to be a ninong in my wedding. he immediately said yes. infact he was so eager that he kept on telling ara that if canada would be a great place to get married since its legal there. he also said to ara that he would be proud to be my ninong since he already treats me as his own. but the sad part of it is that, he also said that it would have been best if i tell my parents all about it. he said "iba pa rin pag may blessing ng magulang". how i wish. e baka di pa nga sila pumunta. sometimes i wish that my dad is more open minded to things like tito atoy is. perhaps maybe its easy for tito atoy since im not his son. but nevertheless, the idea of telling my parents all about me bothers me. how am i suppose to tell them? is there a right time for me to tell them? how should i tell them? sometimes i wish my mom knows everything. i wanted to confide on her whenever my husband gets angry with me. id like to share all those kilig moments i have with my husband. it would have been so great of a feeling knowing that you could confide to the person who was there from the beginning.
friends. aside from my groupmates i seldom see them. i dont know but i tend to reserve all my time to my lover than to my friends when im comitted. i dont know if its a bad thing to do, but i do it unconsciously. i procastinate on gimiks not involving my love. is there a proper way of balancing everything out? it seems so hard. i tend to make plans with my friends in those times that my husband would be free. i feel like it wouldnt be that fun without him to be only just with my friends. i miss pam, nina, wapi, jayson, pau, tim, margaux, ice, andrea, mike... people who have made me happy during those times that i was struggling with my emotions. help....
husband. i dont know the rightful way of loving. people say to be like this, be like that... its not easy. the only way i know how to love is by following whats inside of me. but too much of it hurts my husband. sometimes i feel like im hurting him rather than loving him. i rationalize things and realized there maybe something in me thats wrong. i am selfish. i think of only myself. i tend to seek tremendous attention. im a brat maybe. but as slowly as i realize all these things, i tend to be overly careful. i dont want to lose my husband. sometimes im afraid to tell words that might be misinterpreted. the least that i would want to happen is even my "lambing" be converted to an irritant. someone once told me that i was demanding. i guess that is true. but what is demanding anyway? my friend nina told me last year that in a relationship, both have the right to demand... but the question is, is there a proper way to demand? im confused.... bottom line i love my husband. i would do everything not to lose him. in every relationship that i had, i have always think that we would end up forever. but sad truth is forever becomes an understatement as they tend to give you up. but with my husband, hes different. he may have a wild temperament but at the end of the day he comes back to me. unlike my past relationships where i used to dream of forever, with him, he dreams of forever the same way that i do. and that alone made me love him more.
i love my husband... i would love to give him more of me....
14 by silent sanctuary
Inaayos ko ang iyong isipan
Ngunit hindi ka nakikinig
Lahat na ng bagay ay aking ginawa ngunit
Wala parin
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Wala nang kwentang nakaraan
Pero iyong pinipilit
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Lagi na lang tayong nag-aaway
Kahit di dapat pag-awayan
Tuwing ika'y lumuluha ako'y nasasaktan
Pag nakikita kang ganyan
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Ikaw lang kasi, maniwala ka
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Pero bakit ganyan
Tayo ay napaglalaruan
Siguro nga'y sadyang ganyan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Pati na rin ang 'yong pangarap
Sasamahan kita kahit saan
Kahit saan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
i helplessly twist and turn in my bed trying to catch some sleep but all i that i was able to do was initiate that conscious mind where realizations come into play. i got up, and bought 2 bottles of beer. most people who have such a predicament would resort into talking to someone or having a drink with someone, but i have this habit that whenver i cant handle things i tend to become isolated. ergo... i drink alone. in my room. blogging.
tonight i got to think of a lot of things. frustrations as they it is. but what really bothers me are the fears that i might not be able to get out of it alive. hmmmm... the beer tastes so good. anyway, there are so much in me that makes me frustrated. so damn many that i cant identify them one by one.
family. later this day, ara, jern, and sheng hitched a ride with me until sucat. on the way, ara and i were talking. i asked his father, tito atoy, if ever he would be willing to be a ninong in my wedding. he immediately said yes. infact he was so eager that he kept on telling ara that if canada would be a great place to get married since its legal there. he also said to ara that he would be proud to be my ninong since he already treats me as his own. but the sad part of it is that, he also said that it would have been best if i tell my parents all about it. he said "iba pa rin pag may blessing ng magulang". how i wish. e baka di pa nga sila pumunta. sometimes i wish that my dad is more open minded to things like tito atoy is. perhaps maybe its easy for tito atoy since im not his son. but nevertheless, the idea of telling my parents all about me bothers me. how am i suppose to tell them? is there a right time for me to tell them? how should i tell them? sometimes i wish my mom knows everything. i wanted to confide on her whenever my husband gets angry with me. id like to share all those kilig moments i have with my husband. it would have been so great of a feeling knowing that you could confide to the person who was there from the beginning.
friends. aside from my groupmates i seldom see them. i dont know but i tend to reserve all my time to my lover than to my friends when im comitted. i dont know if its a bad thing to do, but i do it unconsciously. i procastinate on gimiks not involving my love. is there a proper way of balancing everything out? it seems so hard. i tend to make plans with my friends in those times that my husband would be free. i feel like it wouldnt be that fun without him to be only just with my friends. i miss pam, nina, wapi, jayson, pau, tim, margaux, ice, andrea, mike... people who have made me happy during those times that i was struggling with my emotions. help....
husband. i dont know the rightful way of loving. people say to be like this, be like that... its not easy. the only way i know how to love is by following whats inside of me. but too much of it hurts my husband. sometimes i feel like im hurting him rather than loving him. i rationalize things and realized there maybe something in me thats wrong. i am selfish. i think of only myself. i tend to seek tremendous attention. im a brat maybe. but as slowly as i realize all these things, i tend to be overly careful. i dont want to lose my husband. sometimes im afraid to tell words that might be misinterpreted. the least that i would want to happen is even my "lambing" be converted to an irritant. someone once told me that i was demanding. i guess that is true. but what is demanding anyway? my friend nina told me last year that in a relationship, both have the right to demand... but the question is, is there a proper way to demand? im confused.... bottom line i love my husband. i would do everything not to lose him. in every relationship that i had, i have always think that we would end up forever. but sad truth is forever becomes an understatement as they tend to give you up. but with my husband, hes different. he may have a wild temperament but at the end of the day he comes back to me. unlike my past relationships where i used to dream of forever, with him, he dreams of forever the same way that i do. and that alone made me love him more.
i love my husband... i would love to give him more of me....
14 by silent sanctuary
Inaayos ko ang iyong isipan
Ngunit hindi ka nakikinig
Lahat na ng bagay ay aking ginawa ngunit
Wala parin
Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin na
Wala nang kwentang nakaraan
Pero iyong pinipilit
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Lagi na lang tayong nag-aaway
Kahit di dapat pag-awayan
Tuwing ika'y lumuluha ako'y nasasaktan
Pag nakikita kang ganyan
Sige na, tahan na, dahil mahal na mahal kita
Ikaw lang kasi, maniwala ka
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Pero bakit ganyan
Tayo ay napaglalaruan
Siguro nga'y sadyang ganyan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
Ibibigay ko ang lahat
Pati na rin ang 'yong pangarap
Sasamahan kita kahit saan
Kahit saan
Ikaw lang ang nais kong makasama
Wala na kong gusto pang balikan
Kahit ako'y papiliin ikaw ay umasang
Gusto kong makapiling
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