Thursday, September 29, 2005

pain a habit, hurt a meal, loneliness a chore

sometimes painful events have to happen for one to learn a lesson. its too bad that it has to be that way but God has his way of testing a person, coz life is and has always been a test, and only a test, coz had it been actual, He could have given us instructions.

tuesday was one of the lowest, the most painful thing, that has happened to me, and wednesday was the hardest i ever had to cope in skul in the whole of my academic stay. funny coz thinking about it, no matter how strong a person is, one can and will never escape breaking-down with friends when things are just unbearable. and its such an ease of heart to cry on friend's shoulder and hear them say "you're ok, were here". God has blessed me with so much friends to endear. hardest, coz you have not slept that night, have not stopped crying that night, and above of it all, you have to finish your presentation in skul, you have study, and you have to forget. you sit in class, pretend nothing happened to you and try to listen to the lecture, then you cant help it, you want to cry, you want to forget, you bow down your head and pretend sleeping.

that day, tim and i was at the car on the way home, and i told him everything. he told me things, a lot of things, things that i never knew was inside me, things i never knew i had, things i never knew people see in me, for i tell you people, even just one incidence could wipe clean your confidence...to its last drop. but somehow, friends like tim, are those friends that would collect those drops for you until you become whole. friends like ara, wapi, jern, are those that will listen when all the world has turned its back on you. friends like paula and laurice are those that would care for you without if's or but's. friends like myk and margaux, are those you'd feel you're on top of the world.

i dont know how long or how soon till things will be ok to me. building one's self up, over and over and over again gets tiring. proving something works like "love" gets overrated. meeting up, going on dates are getting scarier and frustrating now. finding new ways of coping is now being a burden to think of. understanding things arent the way i used to now. everything has change. so drastic and so painful.

and you have to be strong, coz people are counting you to....

Monday, September 12, 2005


full force!!!!!

josef and miri taken at puerto....love this pic.

nina, dr. collao (my fav) and pam

kunwari binyag ko! hehehe

me and paula

whatever distance could and will always divide

its nearly 5pm and i just got home, cut my pedia class thinking i might have trouble getting a ride, apparently not. :) during my pedia class, i sat beside a good friend and asked about her relationship status which from what i knew have ended a couple of weeks ago. listening to her sentiments, i have proven that its true...whatever distance could and will always divide people. that distance dictates what could and might have happen in between. and it pains me that its true...that it actually happens not only to me but to other people.

"sleeping to dream" is what people usually compensate for the longing and the hopeful ideation of being with someone. but we all get tired, and once we realized we are we think of how stupid we are to waste good time on dreaming. sad but true.
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2 more weeks and 1st semester, 2nd shifting will be through. its amazing to think how fast time goes by when youre really stressed and pressured. no vacations for me this year, by march 1 ill be starting my clerkship. meaning it will be my turn to be the lowest animal in the whole of medical practice. "pssst!"...that will be my name during those those time and i have to get use to it, plus the dreaded "harry-go-round" where dr. Go (surgery) will pick one case from your patients and you are to report the history, differentials, diagnosis, management, work-up in front of the patient, the interns, the residents and with him (of course), so kung wala ako alam quadruple embarassment will be my sentence. freightening.

people have always asked me where i would be doing my internship...just one answer...ill finish third year muna. "short-term goal" is my avenue.
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last weekend, i bought clothes for my nephew and still he's afraid of me...I'll never ever go to pedia!
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stress = recurring tonsilitis=me
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im beginning to like psychiatry after our topic on mood disorders and bipolar disorders...kinda like having relations to both topic. hehe. piece of cake!
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ill be posting pics of our acquiantance party after this entry. damn! grad pic is coming up this year...big dilemma: "with hair or without hair?" definitely with goatee!

HELP!!!!!

Monday, September 05, 2005

23

its the third day since i turned 23, and amazing how i survived not blogging for 3 months. it feels weird writing now, everything seems so new to me. my so-called "hiatus" has been such an amazing experience. so amazing that im too lazy to blog it right now. well just a quick check on my life --> im contented. and i guess thats what matters right now. contentment.

happy birthday to me!