number series

it didnt worked out...

Don't blame it on my youth nor on my heart...but blame it on my school.

now i realized that medicine really takes every little bit of hapiness in one person. its one career that you are required to choose between getting a life and having none.

i thought being present and consistent through sms, and a couple of meet ups would settle things out for the two of us, when in fact he was expecting more. he was wanting more of me that i could only give so little.

im a narrow minded person after a break-up...maybe due to my martyr syndrome. i always blame myself...myself of everything. my friend said that its just a post-mortem syndrome...something that would just get out after a month or so.

i hate the feeling of regret. of those "what if?" type of questions that i surely couldnt answer. lost for thoughts, thats what i am.

all i wanted is a little more understanding...

i didnt felt that he was there actually for me. he couldnt pick me up after school (thinking the fact that it was i who after my skul travels to atc just to pick him up), he couldnt check up on me after two weeks of rigorous and stressful studying, he couldnt ask if i have eaten my lunch or if im cutting my classes. all i wanted is to feel important...to feel that someone actually cares for me.

maybe im asking too much...maybe I AM too much!

DAMN! IT FRUSTRATES!

he said he loves me, that he loved me all those time...maybe he did...maybe he does...and i was just too impatient about everything.

the first few months of a relationship is the ideal romanticism...the intimacy...i didnt felt like we had one...at least I myself didnt felt he did with me.

[just a quick check on my track record: 1st bf: 3 months; 2nd bf: 2 months; 3rd bf: 1 month...go figure out what's next in the number series...]