it was a benign day for me... less than 10 patients came at the er, which gave me a lot of time to read for my upcoming exam on monday. after my shift i went straight at harbour square to meet tim and the rest of my third year med stud friends who had just finished their finals. when i came, they all screamed "intern namin!". mga gago talaga. they were all drinking and i had 2 bottles. as a senior to them, i talked about all the do's and don'ts of clerkship and what they would expect in thier clinical rotation. i suddenly remembered the way i was back then, very anxious about clerkship, afraid that i might not survive. but i did. its wonderful seeing their eyes with great anticipation just like i was before. i told them to make it good and be confident about their knowledge coz OM clerks are far far better than anybody else... even UP-PGH people. i told them to love clerkship and to treasure every moment of it, coz everything you'll learn in your whole medical career you'll learn in clerkship, all the skills you have to learn only OM training is generous enough to teach you. it is only at OM that a clerk could do paracentesis, appendectomy, intubation, epidural tap... coz at OM, they won't just train you to be a clerk but they would train you to be independent. time will come that we'll have our own training and by them no residents will be there to teach us, everything will rely on the things you do during clerkship. and im glad i was trained confidently. we may not have the advantage of knowing all the theoretical aspects but skills wise and clinical eye will get us a long way. parting ways i congratulated and hugged them for a job well done. it would be great if i get to work with them as their intern but sad to say, id rather choose to venture in a more ideal hospital setting. id like to have a benign internship to make time to study and make a lot more time for my love.
tim drove me home and at the car, he told me things going on with his life including his family. i told him that one of the greatest pleasure i would ever recieve is to see him happy and in love. since we're first year, i havent seen him talk about someone with uttermost "kilig" and love until he told me about this girl she's dating. what's the problem with that? my friend is married. i cannot blame him for seeking someone else. the roots are deep and i know it so well. another thing is, one of our bestfriend, is pregnant again... problem? she's married too. i havent talked to her yet but soon i will. it feels as though im a fulcrum between the two of them. they think and act the same way... which was insane. im the only one holding their pieces together. and tim thanked me for that after telling him how things should and could have been. i love the two of them, and i never get tired caring for them.
at the beginning of our nursery audit this afternoon, our consultant let us read one of the passages of the bible from the book of paul. its about being anxious about nothing. there's a big difference between having a concern and worrying about something. it was told in that passage that worry is an antithesis to faith. worry is like a rocking chair, it allows you to do something but it doesnt get you to somewhere. it opened my eyes to everything. sometimes i worry a lot, i think of a lot of stupid things. im worried that i might not graduate, im worried that im not pleasing everyone, im worried that im not doing so much about my relationship, etc. little did i know all my insecurities would come and hunt me. i have so much insecurities in myself that sometimes i just wish i was perfect. but im not. people say im lucky i am they way i am, but deep inside im afraid. knowing the passage helped me to understand things. to give faith to myself, the people that surround me, the relationship i have, and the one that i love. having faith doesnt give me the right to be over confident though, but i learned that having faith is knowing things about yourself and loving it.
i miss my "mahal"....
(FYI: my car has been stripped off me... for days i dont know how long... bummer! maglalakad na naman ako hanggang US Embassy para makasakay lang or pipila sa sobrang habang pilahan sa lawton. haaaaay buhay!)
No comments:
Post a Comment