HAIL TO THE NEW BREED OF DOCTORS

congratulations to my fellow doctors... to my ex-interns, kayo ang idol ko... :)

top schools with >100 examinees:
1. UP Manila College of Medicine - 141/142 (99%) - kung sino man ung isa na un dont worry magaling ka pa rin
2. UST Faculty of Medicine & Surgery - 298/327 (91%) - i plan to take my review with them
3. FEU NRMF - 155/188 (82%) - whaaat? they're a suprise... dark horse hehe

top schools with <100 examinees
1. CIM- 100% (54/54) - no comment
2. MSU - 93% (28/30) - magaling to sa visayas region... no wonder
3. PLM - 89% (76/85) - SOBRA GALING! bias ako! hehe we havent gotten below 87% sa boards. galing talaga ng mga doctor ng scholars ng maynila. sayang di lahat nag take ng boards. sana sa batch namin lahat. and sana lahat pumasa para 100% hehehe. the saturday review is also worth siting in but mas maganda sa library cgro. hehe

others:
4. St. Luke's - 84% - ilan kaya sila nag take ... hmmmm 3?
5. St. Louis U - 82% - another underrated school... toxic mga students nila, nakasama ko sila sa san lazaro... and sila lang ang may tyagang mag rounds kse hindi time mag rounds... adik ata sila
6. UERM - 80% (the used to pass in the 50%) - hmmm... another "used to be" school
7. WVSU - 79% - anu tong school na to?

long weekend

friday was nina's birthday. frank, ara, janna, wapi and me went to QC for her simple celebration. unmindful of the storm we headed north for my own craving for beer and to see nina on her most special day. i was the one driving and i toured them to places i have been to in QC, especially in UP area. places i used to booze around. places were i go to whether i may be on preduty or post-duty. and ara was exclaiming there i go again reminiscing. driving down those familiar roads and seeing familiar places made me remember those good ol times. yung parehas kme walang walang pera, that all i got is 200pesos for gas and him 150 or so. we would order barbeque, isaw and liempo costing us less than a hundred then i'd buy us drinks na titipirin namin para makaabot lang ng 12mn na may iniinom pa kme. on occasions that i have more extra money, we'd buy more drinks and i go home feeling tipsy driving down edsa trying not to sleep. anyway going back, that night, i had all the beer i could get my hands on. i beleive i had 6 bottles, not to mention the shots i get whenever i go inside nina's house to pee. so there i was drunk. all the songs playing on the videoke were my songs. songs that remind me of you. i know it was a deliberate thing my friends did but somehow it felt nice, you know, being drunk, laughing insessantly, and lonely all at the same time. Hani jay, one of my barkada way back in premed was also there, the last time we saw each other was graduation, circa 2003. 4 years but it still felt like we didnt changed. makulit pa rin sya. he would tell me stories on how doctors come up to him with indescent proposals, and the how he play along (of course di sya pumapatol di ba, isa lang syang sabihin na nating magaling dumiskarte) hehe. anyway, by 1130, we decided to call it a night. frank didnt let me drive since i was so drunk. he drove my car till Makati where he dropped himself off and Sig (a PGI from PGH) was also with us and he drive us to manila until PGH. Frankie gave us two bags of pandesal para daw may almusal kme that morning. hehe from there on, i was sober enough to drive by myself and reach MCM just in time that the heavy rain poured down. i didnt brought extra clothes thinking that i could still go home. but wapi lend me his clothes, from the polo, the pants, the brief and the socks. good thing i was on early relievement the following day that i went home without even taking a bath (and yes bilang isang doctor, dapat masanay na di naliligo. hehehe).

back at home, i slept my heart out. i was awaken at 2pm with my stomach grumbling for food (since i didnt ate dinner last night and the breakfast was as good as not to eat as well). after eating i went back to bed, and woke up 7pm to blog. my body is so heavy from sleeping. i still have tom to sleep all day. perhaps ill get myself busy by cleaning my room, and doing my presentation for the case report ill be doing about neonatal hypoglycemia.

eventhough i have tons to do and millions to think of.. i dont know but i still think about you. it is a bad habit i know. even bad to send an sms from time to time eventhough i know i wouldnt be recieving a reply. im still in tha period where i still dont understand things. that there is something missing with the way we left things. why am i still hoping? why do i feel like there's a catch with all of this? this morning, as i was preparing my things, getting my used clothes off my locker and stuffing them in my bag, with the gloomy skyline that morning, i looked outside the penthouse's window, and i felt sad.

i wonder how other people could live empty lives like this. as cars ran down the street and few people running so as no to catch the impending outpour, at the top of a building was someone wishing things could have been better.

Post-grad interns as we practice for the 40th Celebration of MCM, we did a handmime, which to everyone's delight we had a repeat performance the night of the alumni homecoming.

Final layout of the intern's poster.. there are spaces still coz i havent been blessed with a good lighting these past few days that the rain been pouring. hopefully by this coming week i could be able to finish all the pending photo shoot.

be M.D./

Here's a preview of the intern's poster that im busy doing (Keeping me out of feeling jaded). It's a copy of the "be bench/" poster. It's not the usual poster you'd see in the hospital where each department would show their roster of residents, ours is in a way very ambitious. hehe. i want a poster that would make everyone think that doctors can be pretty and cute beyond their toxic duties. i have shown this to our president and co-interns and they were all raving about it. i just hope that the hospital director will allow us to post this in the hospital. hehe. by the way, i took all the pictures except for mine (kandi did), my frustrations as a photographer was yet again revived. hehe.

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i had a toxic duty last night, i had roughly 15 ER consults, 2 admissions and 1 DOA (dead on arrival). the last was the most exhausting. the grandmother (together with the parents) arrived at the ER carrying their 3 week old infant, the nose was covered in blood and the baby was cyanotic. as i saw it i knew the baby has been dead for almost an hour. we quickly placed the baby in the bed, i started suctioning the mouth and what i got was a mixture of blood and milk. From that moment i knew the patient was aspirated and we found out that the mother overslept with feeding the baby. upon hearing that, at the back of my head i want to slap the mother. i hate the fact that babies get neglected. they should be guarded 24/7, its their job. i took my composure as i suction the baby, then we started doing CPR. my resident intubated the baby while i venoclysed fast drip, but i knew it would be impossible for us to revive the kid. it was hopeless. we administered epinephrine 5x still it were getting a flat line. after 45 minutes of rigorous resuscitation the grandmother told us to stop. the patient came 5am, he died 6am. it felt like it was the first time i saw a baby die right in front of me. even in clerkship, i knew i was a "balahura" but deep inside of me cries the anger whenever someone dies especially babies. that's the reason i dont condsider pedia as my residency program. i just couldnt stand it.

later, i spent the entire from-duty status trying to catch some sleep. but i can't. i felt empty. i still feel depressed. i was lucky the whole duty was toxic i forgot that i was alone. i texted doc lea that i needed company. she called me up and asked me if i can come over to OM so as we can talk. and we did. it was a relief seeing her. she saw me fall in love, give everything, and she saw me sad. she told me things that made me feel more sad and comforted at the same time. she made me realized that while im hurting, im still fine. that while everything didnt came out the way i thought it would be, still there's a chance. chance for me to know myself more and chance to hope for something. a day after our untimely separation, nina dropped by unknowlingly at MCM, i also told her everything, she told me that i would be fine as well.

i miss my love... i know it would be premature to ask for us to be together again, but one of my friends told me to wait, that there are some problems that we should let heal by itself, and there are some that should be accepted. right now im just praying to God that whatever his plans would be, i shall not falter.

i still love you every minute of every second of every hour of everyday... im sorry for everything i have caused and things i cannot give...

what i want for my birthday

thinking about it... i have more than 3 weeks till i have my 25th birthday, and realizing that i thought of things i want, needed or wish on that day...

1. car - this is impossible i know, but having a car of my own isnt that farfetched. my dad and i had a deal: if i pass the boards with one take...a brand new car, two take then a second hand, and a third take (hopefully not) a motorbike. but i like a car that would make me pogi. something that would make people look not only on me (egoistic) but on my wheelies. hehe

2. a surprise - im too lame for a surprise. you better think of something good to surprise me... hmmm... a call, a date, with him would be alright. hehe

3. clothes - i havent been buying clothes, i ran out of allowances coz ive been spending it on monthsaries and gifts. but its ok, i mean, im not an artista to not recycle clothes am i?

4. friends - i want to be with them... drink with them... be silly with them. i remember my 21st birthday where i had my party at home and about 30 people came all from my block. it was a riot and a big mess when we woke up. i miss that

5. pda - i want those dopods, or a lifedrive maybe, my tungsten has been behaving badly... i cant synchronize it! hate it

6. books - to get me off from thinking of too many stuffs. review books that i need to get started for my review. i saw a couple of NMS and high yield books a booksale all original... 350 though.. still expensive

7. work-out/gym - i better get fit since im getting to that age where my metabolism is slowly getting to where it would be stagnant. maybe i get to be noticed by him if i gain more weight. (here i go again... sorry ara)

8. condo/apartment/a place of my own - perhaps maybe he could come home with me

9. mountain climb/do tennis/engage in boxing - to have a healthy mind i guess

10. love - perhaps the best gift i could ever recieve that day

pressuring rain

its stormy outside my windows. i didn't went to work afraid that i might just get stranded. and now im just home listening to the howls of the rain on my roof and feeling the loneliness it somehow brings. when will it ever stop?

last friday i met up with my friends from med school, had dinner with them and catched up on things we missed. my friend ara told me from time to time to give myself some extra priority. she's right. looking back, when i had dinner, i knew i miss so much of my life. that ive been giving it to someone and im left with nothing. i guess that's the only way i know how to love and maybe it was righ, bu yet again, i know it isnt. im deluding myself with the idea that im fine and that everything will be ok. but as time goes by, its becoming worse. how long can two people hurt each other? him not communicating, me nagging and pleading, us giving each other hard times. i realize that i really am pressuring people up. im selfish to think of my own happiness with someone, when in fact i can find happiness within myself... but it isnt the same...

a friend once said that the only thing that people lacks is that we don't know how to give people chances... and now im still holding on to that chance that everything will be ok... that everything will go back to the way it was... that i will be again be loved like it was the first time... i would still be waiting.

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Nina introduced me to this song:

[Rihanna]

As much as I love you

As much as I need you

And I can't stand you

Must everything you do make me wanna smile

Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

[Ne-Yo:]

But you won't let me

You upset me girl

And then you kiss my lips

All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)

Can't remember what you did

[Rihanna:]

But I hate it...You know exactly what to do

So that I can't stay mad at you

For too long that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]

But I hate it...You know exactly how to touch

So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more

Said I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna:]

And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)

I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)

And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)

But I just can't let you go

And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)

[Ne-Yo:]

You completely know the power that you have

The only one makes me laugh[

Rihanna:]

Said it's not fair

How you take advantage of the fact

That I... love you beyond the reason why

And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]

And I hate how much I love you girl

I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)

And I hate how much I love you girl

But I just can't let you go

But I hate that I love you so

[Both:]

One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me

And your kiss won't make me weak

But no one in this world knows me the way you know me

So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Ne-Yo:]Yeaahhh... Oohh...

[Rihanna:]

As much I love you (as much as I need you)

As much as I need you (oooh..)

As much I love you (oh..)

As much as I need you

[Rihanna:]

And I hate that I love you so

And I hate how much I love you boy

I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)

And I hate how much I love you boy

But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)

And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...