flatline

today is the day i had my full. i got answers to questions people have always left me hanging with. i started this blog a year ago because i was hurt, and now im temporarily leaving my beloved blog for the same reason. but allow me first to acknowledge people that has been the topic of my blog, people that made me want to blog

to...
venzo: you were my first, i loved you unconditionally. though the short time weve been together, ours has been the happiest. that time we went driving around intramuros valetine night coz we got nowhere to go. that time you showed me the entire city a top of antipolo made me want to have everything...to be the light that shines even in the darkest of nights, no matter how far, how little my light could reach.

itchan: you are the sweetest, huggable bear i always wanted. im sorry i dont have enough patience. i chickened out easily. i miss that time we were on a jeepney ride at 1am, and you assured me its safe.

allan: thanks for being my confidant during that faithful summer nights that depression and cigarettes are all i ever been. had you not listened to my woes, made me laugh, and tease me every night, i could have not lasted that long summer. im sorry we never get to meet.

adriel: youre one of the funniest and sweetest guy ive known. i would miss teaching you biochem, telling you how good and bad medskul is, talking silly stories over the phone. and sorry we never get to meet either.

richard: you made a fool out of me, but i dont take grudge. for all those times i travelled back and forth from manila to the south to meet you up and have some good times are all well deserved. i guess its just never meant to be. and you cannot push people to love you or give you much more than they could offer.

myk: thank you and im sorry. we met up coz of the most unconvinient commonality that we have, but unmindful of that we became bestfriends. i would miss our gimmicks, our spa, you singing, and those silly talks we have. it was a great feeling that i dont have to be someone else with you. thank you for showing me how special i am. for fighting for me. for taking care of me. for wanting only my hapiness. for crying, for laughing, for getting angry. all those things, all of you are, were all kept in my heart. but i would like to ask a favor from you to let me be, give me time to rest, to wallow, to build myself up. a month, two months, is all i ask. like what you said, whatever happens nothing can change our friendship...and im keeping that thought as well.

ryan: thank you for teaching me things i know but just failed to notice. like that one time you told me realizations/truths about my relationships. how bad of a fake it was. i had good talks with you, shared stories, laugh and teased each other. it was only with you that i had a date at 10am in the morning. like i always tell you, i want you to be strong. things may not be the way you want it to be but we all have to accept it as they come.

miguel: i would miss day dreaming with you. picking me up in the morning to go to skul, cooking me lunch for me to save my allowance, after skul id stay in your cafe to study while you attend customers, then wed go home together, then at night youd teach me my lessons, then while i study id just look at you while you are sleeping, then on weekends wed go out of town, go mountain climbing which you know i like the most, collect insects, go into caves, swimming, getting dirty with mud... it was a good dream. probably a dream i never want to wake up. but i did and too bad it was just a dream.

i just broke my record...3months, 2 months, 1 months, now 3 weeks. just when i thought the number series would end at zero, it could probably go into negative if i continue counting. but im tired of counting. im tired of being in the middle to two people. i felt like i was a fulcrum without the knowledge of how to keep balance. im getting tired. i really am. ive become played with, cheated with, used with, promised with, sacred with. im tired of hurting people as much as i am tired of getting hurt, picking myself up and moving on. this time i want to totally move on. i want to lead a simple life. that life where id just go to skul, go home, meet with friends, be silly. im tired of being bitter about life. im tired of thinking why things doesnt come my way and just why cant they be.

until that day that i have lived my life the way i want it to be, i can never tell myself i have recovered. surely its not an easy task to take and i might not be able to withstand it for months, but i will try to. i want my future to be what i want it to be, and not just something that my present has dictated me to have. for all the things that i have done, i would be paying for it.

it will just be me, myself and i (and friends)... nothing more, nothing else.

thank you for taking time to read my blog but for now im going on FLATLINE CODE BLUE (do not resuscitate) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i will be back on my birthday....