when i was an undergrad, having to get 75% in a subject was an extreme low, something that i didnt get to have exept for algebra (yup, 3.00 lang ako dun kse di ko pinapasukan, first year pa lang ako maloko na ko), but now in med skul getting 75% is like getting to heaven all together. at the beginning of med skul i always have this mission and vision that i'd rather get kicked out of med skul due to failing grades than to stay in medskul just because i merely survived. well, i'd like to return what i said and ill choose the latter. having to experience second year in med skul was an eye-opener for me. the trans that i have to study was three times more of what i had in first year, the endless nights became longer, the yosi breaks became less (last year it was tim and jhun who would accompany me, now most of the times ako lang), the night-outs were gone.
assessing my second year in med skul made me realize that there's no turning back. that surviving is what i need and should do. its one thing to survive the pressure of accads, but the emotional pressure is a whole different story. there were nights, in the middle of my study that i stop and think if i really did made the right choice. if staying up all night studying was what i really wanted. if not having to join my friends in their getaway adventures is really worth it. but this is all that i wanted. i chose going to med skul, and it all boils down to the word "commitment".
if there's one thing that i have learned in med skul that i apply to my everyday life it is commitment. i have come to treasure my own words and my own decisions. its like when i say ill be there for you, i am. no questions asked. technically, commitment applies to my relationships. i have this habit of focusing on one person (blindedly), eventhough i dont know what the stakes are. its a matter of sticking to my own gut feeling. whatever comes out of it, no one knows. thats the beauty of "double blinded experiment" (i learned this in family community medicine, cool eh), no confounders, no avenue for chance and bias. in the end no one loses.
but...how long will the two of you gets blind of everything? is there a certain time frame? what if, after taking the eyefolds, there's actually nothing in it in the first place? and even scarier if after taking the eyefolds no matter how hard you try to see, you just cant? a cortical lesion maybe.
last saturday, i watched "the notebook" on dvd. and my friends were right, it was one of the most romantic, realistic love-themed movie i have ever saw. commitment was written all over! i love the scene where the girl was having second thoughts of who to choose, the wealthy guy or the other who has less. the latter reasoned, and i quote:
"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more,
that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what
you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."
newsflash: just now i got a date tomorrow with margaux to join the youth rally for pope john paul II. at least i could make my summer more interesting. :) damn, im hungry, the burger my sis cooked for dinner was not at all satisfying. it looks great though, something that you could mistake for a TJ burger, but more of like "torta" tasting. hehehe. sorry sis!
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more of my fav quotes from the notebook movie
Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I though that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.
Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt. Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT? Young Allie: It's not that simple.
Young Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?
Young Allie: I have to go now.
lesson: most of the times, its hard to be definite of what we actually want, its a tough decision, but every decision is worth taking risks. :)
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