Ligating Ally!

it was my first day of school...well actually just a continuation of my first sem...

Starting menu...a practical in Surgery...bummer!

well, its just so frustrating that only got 82 on my preceptorial. Different kupal prof would teach different kupal ways of ligating, suturing and holding the damn surgical instruments. in the end we would get a grade much different if we have been put in the same prof that first taught us the same kupal ways of surgical ligatures. WHAT THE HELL! i need to pass surgery!
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i dont know whats happening to me...there's a new guy in front of me, i really like him but somehow my feelings are restricted to the word "like". It really bother's me that im having trouble loving people eversince i broke up with my ex just april. One theory i have is probably i have become so comfortable in being single that i couldnt imagine myself comitting with someone other than myself. Im willing to give this one a try, we're going on dates and i hope in heavens that there might be something fruitful out of this. I couldnt force myself in going into a relationship that i barely know. i cant afford to waste being hurt and hurting someone in the end.

when i arrived home, i chance upon ally mcbeal's pilot episode at star world. im a great fan of the show, even cried in the same episode back when it first aired on national tv sometime 5 years ago. anyhow, at the end of the story was this narrative by ally...and as far as i could remember the thought goes like this:

"The truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it."

(i thought im through with my ally mcbeal stage of life...it looks like its coming back again! HELP!)

maybe im feeling the same way that ally is...and right now im willing to risk something out...whatever that is!

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i visited my ex's xanga site...and this is a real psychotic wonderment and i quote: (i know is bad like plagarism or something...im sorry)

"Case X raised to the nth: The reason why it's x raised to the nth is due to the fact that this thing has been going on for the past years already. Everytime I get into a relationship, someone suddenly comes along who would approximate my ideal kind of person. During my past relationships I would easily dump someone for another one...which I know is bad, that's why I stopped doin such a thing ever since my break-up with my 3rd." <<<<---this is actually me! The third! Thats my name! The third! jezzz! so he did broke up with me because of someone else! He was actually eyeing for someone else! damn! and the fact that when i asked him about it last summer if he did broke up with me for someone he denied it!

Oh well, that's how life goes...people change, people want more, people need more, and its a pity that you could only give so little.