i really am not in the mood to blog tonight, but since im so damn nauseous with reading about mitral, tricuspid stenosis and regurgitation, with accompanying delflection and peak of a wave, c wave and the ever famous y wave...well i thought i could use a little break.
hmmm...wat happened to me since my last blog?
...well so many things happened that when you sum it all up, you'd end up with nothing. yup...nothing, nada, nil, wala, shyet.
(damn, im so in need of putting exclamation marks over my sentences but since my trusty keyboard has its keys bugged leaving the keys one to four worthless, i might as well be resourceful. so when you see EP at the end of my sentence, you'd know it stands for exclamation point...ok? alright EP)
let me start off with my school, i failed three subjects, surgery, pedia, and pharma. i expect that.
last week was supposed to be my micro/para exam, which unfortunately was spoiled by the stupid rain. just come to think of it, i could've been those few to ace that exam since i studied so hard that night only to find out that the exam was postponed and the eventual class to be suspended. the worst of it all, most my classmates confessed not to reveiw for that exam. bummer. now, everybody has their lots over that exam. another bummer. and the worst of it all, im so consumed with laxing over the weekend that i'm afraid most of the things i reviewed for that exam was lost.
wait...it just popped...now that im not talking about shitty things about being loveless and all, i just realized im talking too much about shitty things in school. how pathetic could i get? i revolve on only two things...my school and being loveless. damn EP. i need push.
anyhow...friday would be my most favorite day of the year (well, just third to new year, valentines being my second)...im going 22 EP, i am actually a certified-to-be ADULT. wow...adult...sounds astig...haha.
facts about my b-day:1. its the same day my dad left the country to work abroad...so if im going 22, he'll be turning 22 in his service.2. only once did i received a gift on my bday, and it was last year when margx gave me a book about friendship which i eventually lost when we moved to our new house.3. i haven't spent a bday with someone special (here i go again...cut it out)4. on friday would be the second time around that i would be spending it with an exam (last year it was anatomy and now it would be medicine and patho)5. also, this will be the second time that i'd be bringing friends over the house6. last year was the first time i treat friends over at dinner (still no gift recieved)7. this would be the third year that my parents are not here to spend it with me8. this would also be the first that i would be spending it with my nephew's 8th month bday celebration.9. the first time that im actually excited about it10. first time that i actually realize all this things.
haaaayyyy....im turning 22...age goes by, and i have always been still...
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
i'm an addict?
"who loves alcohol here?", dr. pineda our lecturer for neoplasms asked in the middle of talking about colonic and hepatic cancers.
a hand raised, i checked who it was and i just saw mine!
"very good, lets give him a round of applause! one of the hardest thing to do is to admit that you have an alcohol problem. thats one step to being sober."
well, he asked who loves alcohol, and i confirmed...but it doesnt follow that i am already an alcoholic. i only drink very so often.
++++++++++++++++++
i recieved my pharmacology shifting grade this morning and as i expect i failed by two points. damn, it really dawned upon me that i should really...as in REALLY need to study well. actually i expect to fail 3 subjects for my first shifting. what the hell, school goes on, i cant still make it. i know i can make it. and i will make it. its just a matter of discipline.
+++++++++++++++++
hay! the loneliness!
a hand raised, i checked who it was and i just saw mine!
"very good, lets give him a round of applause! one of the hardest thing to do is to admit that you have an alcohol problem. thats one step to being sober."
well, he asked who loves alcohol, and i confirmed...but it doesnt follow that i am already an alcoholic. i only drink very so often.
++++++++++++++++++
i recieved my pharmacology shifting grade this morning and as i expect i failed by two points. damn, it really dawned upon me that i should really...as in REALLY need to study well. actually i expect to fail 3 subjects for my first shifting. what the hell, school goes on, i cant still make it. i know i can make it. and i will make it. its just a matter of discipline.
+++++++++++++++++
hay! the loneliness!
Sunday, August 08, 2004
who says going to a salon when you're depressed is a girly thing?
yes, i shaved my hair! its of two reasons, first, coz i needed (and believed i needed) to do something to get out of my depression and second, i'd like to test whether having less hair would increase the velocity of me memorizing drugs. i found out that the latter didnt help at all. wednesday, was my shifting for pharma and micro. all along i thought pharma would be given in the afternoon. so i was confident enough to go to skul, with micro on my head. then i was informed, 45 mins before the exams that it is pharma that will be given in the morning session. DAMN! i was running down the hallway, cussing at my self, banging my head with my palm. it took into my advantage though, coz it was a tough exam. whether you studied well or not, the results are just the same. and im glad it was that hard...at least i had a very good reason why i flunked it.
i was just so glad the week is through. comparing last year's shifting exams, this one is like finals, both in terms of the bulk of the topic and the toughness of the schedule. one more day of it would definitely raise my intracranial pressure and rupture my retinal vessels, leaving me with red, painful eyes. every fucking night of that exam week was tormenting. the last thing that could have happen to me was to vomit every single word i memorized and every damn topic i didnt understand. i had the urge to forcefully puke myself just to get out of my throbbing head. its the same feeling i often have when im drunk and all messed up, and the only thing that could make me sober was to puke the entire ethanol drink. it was such a bummer.
i knew i didnt do well as i expect id do in my shifting. i guess i really was culture shocked. i never believed in culture shock not until it was i who is actually in that point of circumstance where i weigh my procratinating and my need to study. except for Obstetrics (which i am certain i will pass), the rest i dont want to expect. though passing in the rest of my subjects would be bitter sweet. i guess i did my part, and i did all i can, its up to the heavens to help me..
i dont have plans yet of how i would make through the the second shifting. i dont want to make plans, coz i always end up not following it. im stubborn. but there's just one thing that i could assure of...i will avenge my demise! i shall rise up from the ashes of my procrastination. i shall lift myself out of my depression. i shall not fall prey again to 'misinterpreted' feelings, i will not make a fool of myself nomore, i will start to date, i will not be the one hurt again, i will streghten myself up, i shall change my path in life and i will be no longer afraid!
and lastly i shall stop telling myself what i will and will not do!
i am a changed man, i am a new me, i am a shaved head...
i was just so glad the week is through. comparing last year's shifting exams, this one is like finals, both in terms of the bulk of the topic and the toughness of the schedule. one more day of it would definitely raise my intracranial pressure and rupture my retinal vessels, leaving me with red, painful eyes. every fucking night of that exam week was tormenting. the last thing that could have happen to me was to vomit every single word i memorized and every damn topic i didnt understand. i had the urge to forcefully puke myself just to get out of my throbbing head. its the same feeling i often have when im drunk and all messed up, and the only thing that could make me sober was to puke the entire ethanol drink. it was such a bummer.
i knew i didnt do well as i expect id do in my shifting. i guess i really was culture shocked. i never believed in culture shock not until it was i who is actually in that point of circumstance where i weigh my procratinating and my need to study. except for Obstetrics (which i am certain i will pass), the rest i dont want to expect. though passing in the rest of my subjects would be bitter sweet. i guess i did my part, and i did all i can, its up to the heavens to help me..
i dont have plans yet of how i would make through the the second shifting. i dont want to make plans, coz i always end up not following it. im stubborn. but there's just one thing that i could assure of...i will avenge my demise! i shall rise up from the ashes of my procrastination. i shall lift myself out of my depression. i shall not fall prey again to 'misinterpreted' feelings, i will not make a fool of myself nomore, i will start to date, i will not be the one hurt again, i will streghten myself up, i shall change my path in life and i will be no longer afraid!
and lastly i shall stop telling myself what i will and will not do!
i am a changed man, i am a new me, i am a shaved head...
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