rain drops part 2

rain drops

Non-Reassuring Career Status

after 1 week of my pre-residency training at OB-GYNE of OMMC, i quit. together with pam we just realized it wasnt worth it. there are a lot of reasons to name but only a few reasons for us to make us stay. wieghing everything up i realized OB may not really for me. i dont know if its just the lack of system or administrative skills our chief resident has or my own need to feel warranted of all my passion. in one week i was able to see that the glamor of being an OB-GYNE is just an illusion. sobrang bigat ng feeling when i quit the dream i was customed to achieve. i felt so beaten by people whom i thought would help me stay. The working environment was in all sense worse. i dont have any issues with my immediate seniors but seeing them get bullied and walked upon by other seniors made me think that i cannot do it. the work load is not the issue, coz i know me and pam can do it. if only ara and katricia was there with us i knew i have a fighting chance to overcome the hardships. but having only pam and i against all other odds was futile. as a pre-resident im glad i was able to realize it as early as now.

it was political, emotional and undeniably impossible.

funny coz when pam and i quit, umikot mga pwet nila coz they were eyeing for us. but the thing is when we quit, they blamed the first years for our cause, which was totally unfair for them coz they did nothing wrong with us. doc tet disapproved of us leaving but nothing can make us come back coz we both made our own decision. its a matter of sticking up to that decision. somehow i feel sorry for all the people who already geared us up... dra. martin, dr. benitez (who already liked us from the interview), dra tet, dra. cha and dra. vita (who has always been so good to us), dra cister (who became literary my sister during the brief time i was there), and the first years (who made us feel welcomed).

when i was in my academic years, i have always seen myself as an ENT, it was only during my clerkship that i thought of OB as being my forte. i guess dra. cha, dra. pineda and dra datoon contributed to that idea. and now that theyre gone i dont know how to carry on. the only thing thats hindering me now to be an ENT is be being gay. coz i know for a fact that the dept of ENT got traumatized by their previous chief resident. doc lea said that i should prove them wrong. right now im eyeing to pursue my other dream as an ENT. i know it would be a whole lot of different since i barely knew anything about ENT. but doc lea assured me that everybody should and will eventually start from scratch. and i should start from scratch. picking myself up is one of the hardest things i always do coz its always a challenge for me to find confidence.

there are a lot of people backing me up, my hon and doc lea are one of them. i know im still a kid at heart but i know i have a work ethics of a professional. its just a matter of proving everybody wrong.

life after board exams is really frustrating... habang may buhay may problema. thanks hon for being with me and supporting me from all those problems. i love you so much.

Jason's Post-Bday Bash

yesterday was a very interesting day for me. in the midst of the "PLM Payback Doctors Program", i lost a collegue who intially agreed to relive me at Trans-Am Clinic while i go on pre-residency program at OMMC, in exchange of the payback program. so i decided to scout for my reliver. i thought of paula. i texted her two days ago about it. in the course of our communication i found out that she applied for a derma pre-residency at dermclinic for four months without pay which was really very infair for her. after making her wiegh all the pros and cons (more cons at that), she decided to join me on my racket at my husband's clinics while she awaits her most desired residency program at OMMC. Paula and I agreed to meet at Rob ermita to talk things out, and wapi soon followed to orient her. after that we went to my husband's office since wapi needed some stuffs for the clinic.

these past few days sobrang toxic ng nani. lage sya galit pag tumatawag sakin, complaining how he's so burned out with work and all his frustrations. i kept telling him to chill down and relax (which i know is hard with all the work he has to put). a little side story....the other day, i went to PRC to get my liscense card and met up with pam (who had her lisence number all mixed up). since my nani was going to trans-am that afternoon, i asked if i could mit him up at the clinic so that i could also see the progress of the place where i would work for 2 months. at trans-am, my nani was again frustrated with the filthy job the workers did with the clinic. sobrang galit nya (samahan pa nun isa nyang faithful staff), naawa ako kay manong worker na all the while kept quiet while he internalize all the deficiencies of their work. i understand my nani. if you are paying for a job that does not make right, i know that i myself would get furious as well. so i can't blame him for scolding and reprimanding the manong worker. all the while i was with pam, she got so fazed with my nani. nakakatakot daw. hahaha. sbi ko ganyan lang tlga yun. but sbi ni pam gumugwapo daw ang asawa ko. yeah mas gwapo ang asawa ko pag galit. hahaha.

so going back, me, paula and wapi went to makati. and since my husband was not really feeling well with work, i bought him comfort foods...CHOCOLATES! he loves chocolates. anything sweet. anything that could elevate your blood sugar is his cup of tea. so i bought him a mocha mudslide blended coffee and a cake (pronounced as "cock"). im glad he liked it. he said nawala daw pagod nya sa work (of course, nakita ako ng asawa ko, e pogi ako nun kaya sobrang erase lahat ng pagod nya....o! wag ka na mag react dahil totoo yun nana). so there in makati we also met another doctor who turned out to be related to our clerkship groupmate and batchmate. like her "pamangkin" she was so kikay and loud, a nice person to be with. after all the chitchatting, paula has made her decision to drop the dermclinic and work for my nani instead and payback at PLM on her free times. which i think is a more reasonable and feasible thing to do rather than waste your liscence in a job that doesnt pay.

paula said i was so tamed in my nani's office. actually my insides wanted to burst out and hug my nani (who was gorgeous with his tucked polo and pants sitting so cute in the back of his table looking so fine, signing sorts of cheques... geez!). sobrang hirap ng di mo pwede landiin ang asawa mo kse bawal and professional ethics would deem it immoral. sobrang pigil na pigil ako nun. hahaha. now i understand why my nani didnt put me together with him inside the same workplace. magmumukha akong kabit ng isang may asawa na susulyap sulyap lang sa office ng boss nya. hahaha. anyhow, after meeting up with my nani we headed off at Dampa for jayson's bday.

before going to dampa, we picked ara up at buendia. it was the first time since i saw her after the boards. sobrang nag drama pa ako sa kanya sa multiply na pumunta sya. in fairness, pumatok ang drama ko. hahaha. of course mataba sya as expected (but mas mataba daw ako sbi nya). sobrang saya ng bday ni jayson coz ara was there. i was actually a little apprehensive with what im gonna say so as ara would not feel comfortable. but all let loose and as usual, we were a bunch of loud people (mga doctor pa kme nun ha). boses pa lang ni karen buong bayan na nakakarining, dagdagan pa ni jayson buong mundo na may alam ng pinag uusapan namin, hagikgik ni doc eva abot hanggang MOA. haaay! mga hayop nga naman pag nakawala di mo mapipigil. hahaha. the food looks good (syempre tinignan ko lang yung mga seafoods), but the liempo and sisig was more tastier. hahaha. so after the dinner i drove karen and ara home. ara and i was able to talk after we dropped karen at her house. talking to her enlightened me that she was indeed ok. nothing really changed, she was still full of stories to tell. so full, nakalimutan nya kwento si josh (allegedly boyfriend nya hahahaha peace). i always tell her to face her fears by seeing us, i just realized it wasnt her who is afraid...it was me. i admit i was afraid seeing her coz as much as i would like everything to be ok, the problem is how would i approach her, how would i treat her. she said to treat her like we would before, which was actually what happened. interestingly enough, everything seemed like normal. a big relief for me. hahaha. ara is a very good friend of mine. she was the one who told me to hang on at MCM when i already wanted to quit, she was my constant groupmate in clerkship and in internship, we were even close to be drop-outs in surgery class. in the 6 years we have known each other... i guess we have shared so much things and experiences to be treasured for a lifetime. i was really happy seeing her. and i know she is a strong willed girl and she can withstand all obstacles to come (don't worry sbi ng nani wla ka din daw interview sa kanya... confirmed na yan kaya wag mu na compare ang pagmamahal ng nani ko sa inyong mga friends ko... ika nga ni tito tim "kaibigan ko kayong lahat").

haaay... buhay... saya!

New Life is about to begin

Over the weekend i had two very significant event

A. SPECIAL DUTY

I was called last thursday by my chief resident dra. Santos of the Dept of OB-GYNE of OMMC, asking if we could go on a special duty on Saturday since the residents will be having their in-service exam. i quickly said yes to make them see that i am eager to be part of their department as a resident physician (a plus factor). so me and pam went on duty. pam was put in the delivery room and me at the ER. it was a relatively benign duty. i think we only had 30 or so admissions. but i got toxic nevertheless coz i felt that i was doing an intern's job. i was interviewing patients, doing IVs, making THOC forms, and most frustratingly.. i was the one being pushed by my seniors to borrow blood from the patho department. When i was a clerk it used to be my job. i was good at borrowing bloods, making lambing to patho people and making them beleive that our patient really drastically in need of BLOOD. during my duty, i felt that it all came back. Since my clerks didnt have the guts to borrow blood (since one of my clerk got demerited by the stupid patho people), i was forced to run and make sure that our patients for OR has blood. it was a tasking job since with the addition of me playing a role of an intern, i was suppose to play the role of a resident. doing IE's (internal examinations), making diagnosis, reporting it to my immediate senior at the ER and making sure that all of my clerks are doing their job. at 10pm i was asked by dra. Cha to be the first assist at a CS (cesarian section) of a single footling breech. i was nervous. but she taught me well. she even gave me the task to close the operation leaving me and the clerk (as my assist). she gave her full trust in me that i would be able to close it without dehiscence. for that i was so proud.

i didnt had any sleep, not even a single minute power nap. at around 6:30AM i was pulled out of the ER to accompany dra. Santos to make rounds of our 50 in-patints. i was tasked to examine every patient, write down at the charts while dra. is busy doing discharge IE to "may go home" patients. however my orders in the charts are limited to those who are obviously for discharge and doesnt need any interventions whatsoever, since i dont have an item yet and im not relatively started yet with my pre-residency. it was a long 2 and a half hours of my life. what made it even more tasking is that the clerk in-charge at the wards, didnt had the laboratories pasted on the charts which should have been done earlier so it would be easier for me to discharge patients. during my clerkship days its an instant demerit. but its the clerk's 1st week rotation at OB so basically they may just be adjusting.

at around 9:30 we finished our rounds and our chief resident allowed us to go home early to prepare for the oathtaking. i went home with all of my muscles aching. when i arrived home, i took off all my closed, slumped in my bed, and went to a power nap. until my nani called me up saying he's all ready to leave the house for my oathtaking. HALA! i was late. i immediately had a bath, beautified myself, and drive off at our meeting place.

B. OATHRAKING

12:30 nana and I met at harbour square. i was still in dazed but i felt i look good. di ba nani? hehehe. sobrang awa ng nani sakin coz i havent eaten thats why he bought Jollibee and let me ate in the car. sobrang maalaga ang hon. after eating we went to PICC to look for a parking. while nearing the place, we saw hundreds of people lined up outside the blistering sun, basking in the heat. my nani burst out (tangna! anu ba yan!). nahiya tuloy ako sa nani ko coz i know he hates the sun. nana brought his kenneth cole jacket for me to use but hardly did coz of the heat. anyway, we got inside PICC but since the inductees and visitors where put in separate places, my nani was forced to play "staker" taking pictures of me in about few hundred feets away (if only i had my nikon camera already). ang likot likot ko daw sbi nya, even from afar he was able to see how uncontented i was sitting four rows in front. i was chit-chatting, taking pictures, laughing, making fun of people. all that nani was able to see. the whole time i was chatting with my frends, me and nai was exchanging texts, making kulet with him as well. if you ask me i dont remember anything with ceremony. all that i could remember was us making fun of the parents of the top 10 examinees. we were able to assess whether they came from a well-to-do family or from those humble families.

after the ceromy we were told that we could get our lisence card at the lobby. and since i was so wise enough, i wasnt able to bring my claim stub. so after the quick picture taking with friends, i told my hon that id like us to go out na since it was like a pandemonium inside and i was starving to death. hon wanted us to have a dinner buffet, but i told hime we could eat at anywhere non-fancy coz syempre mahal din un and talo kme sa buffet coz di naman ako madami kumain except if its rice. kaya ako tumaba ng ganto dahil sa rice. hehehe.

nani kept asking me if i had second thoughts of him joining me at the ceremony. he felt so undeserved coz most of the inductees brought their parents and family, i brought my boyfriend instead. he wanted me to stay longer at PICC with my friends but i opted to be with him and leave early. dami hang-ups ng nani ko. hehehe. actually, i really felt so proud i was with my boyfriend. i told him that all my life i was with my parents, they were there with all of my graduation ceremony from kinder to medskul. right now is a new life for me as a doctor and as a professional, i just felt it right to have my husband be part of my new beginning. i was proud of my husband coz unlike any other boyfriend, he wants to be there in every step that i make. unlike any other boyfriends, my husband never makes any alibi coz he cant come, whenver i ask him to be with me he would always commit on that date (unless if its really toxic for him, which i really understand). i know it was sunday and he should be resting in the house and sleeping but he made his way to be with me. i may not have my parents during that very eventful time but being with him made it more special coz it is a time where i officially create a new life for me and for my hon. eventhough my parents werent there, i didnt really missed them coz i felt they were there, coz my nani acted like one. he wanted me to pose for every nook and cranny of the entire PICC, he got mad with me soaking wet from perspiration, he even put a towel at my back (talk about me being a baby), daig pa tlaga ng nani ang mga magulang ko. hehehe. like my parents, my hon wanted everything that is best for me and i appreciated it very much. it was a boring ceremony but hon and i made it fun. we always have fun when were together. it has already been 7 months but we still enjoy each other's company.

in this age and time, its really hard to find someone whom you can have fun with and stay with without having to fear that it might just be temporary. with my hon, i feel like we're to last a lifetime. the way he sees me with his eyes, his kiss, his hugs always make me feel like were meant for each other. eventhough i havent slept, i look haggard and all, he always sees me as the most beautiful person. thanks hon. No words could ever describe how lucky i am and blessed to have him as my husband, but all i know is that i love him with all my heart and soul. nothing can ever stop me from loving you hon. i look forward to our future and our lives together.

you are my light, my strength, my everything. i love most dearly with all my life.