This morning, everyone was startled with postings of an open prayer for the admi at the men's cr.
Its about asking god to make the admi realize that power is not in their hands, to make them realize how grave an impact of losing good doctors for our teachers, how their cruel ways affect every student's priveledge for a good medical education.
a letter started it all. a letter entitled: ANG PANAGHOY NI ISKO
the council together with class presidents were called for an emergency meeting outside the school to tackle moves that will alert the admi and hopefully awaken their minds. and we have agreed upon a proper forum for our sentiments. an open letter containing statements in the form of questions will be adressed to the admi to answer. if all else fails, a silent protest will ensue, with us wearing black ribbon. and if still they remain numb of it, we will make sure the whole country and the entire medical profession will hear our woes.
its really getting worse...everytime i go to skul i dont know wat will happen. we dont have any idea which doctor will resign again due to the present admi instability. in the end we, are squeezed in the middle.
here's the story: we have a non-specialized dean who's pushing to produce primary health care phycians but ignoring the possibility for growth into specialization unmindful of the willingness of some to do so. an assistant dean who's power tripping shook the entire biochemistry and radiology department by assuming position (and teaching mind you!) after suspending one of the chair due to her refusal to change the syllabus. and lastly, a college secretary who isnt even a doctor and even has a thickness to teach a class of doctors-to-be of topic that she didnt even have knowledge of (at least much knowledge of).
this year they didnt put the hierarchy of the college of medicine in their bulletin board...since the fact that there wouldnt be enough doctors left to actually produce a hierarchy.
its a power tripping...it looks as though they plan to make the college their own not thinking that in order to produce good students, good board results, and maintain the stature of plm amongst the top medical school in the country is the faculty, which they are discriminating.
Those three powerpuff girls need to step down...its the only way to bring back our beloved doctors of whom many of our collegues that pass before us have come to experience their expertise and knowledge in medicine...and most importantly as a true bonifide doctor.
THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH IS BEING SLAUGHTERED! WE WILL ACT AND REACT! WE SHALL NOT BE VICTIMS!
Friday, November 12, 2004
Monday, November 08, 2004
Ligating Ally!
it was my first day of school...well actually just a continuation of my first sem...
Starting menu...a practical in Surgery...bummer!
well, its just so frustrating that only got 82 on my preceptorial. Different kupal prof would teach different kupal ways of ligating, suturing and holding the damn surgical instruments. in the end we would get a grade much different if we have been put in the same prof that first taught us the same kupal ways of surgical ligatures. WHAT THE HELL! i need to pass surgery!
_____________________________________
i dont know whats happening to me...there's a new guy in front of me, i really like him but somehow my feelings are restricted to the word "like". It really bother's me that im having trouble loving people eversince i broke up with my ex just april. One theory i have is probably i have become so comfortable in being single that i couldnt imagine myself comitting with someone other than myself. Im willing to give this one a try, we're going on dates and i hope in heavens that there might be something fruitful out of this. I couldnt force myself in going into a relationship that i barely know. i cant afford to waste being hurt and hurting someone in the end.
when i arrived home, i chance upon ally mcbeal's pilot episode at star world. im a great fan of the show, even cried in the same episode back when it first aired on national tv sometime 5 years ago. anyhow, at the end of the story was this narrative by ally...and as far as i could remember the thought goes like this:
"The truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it."
(i thought im through with my ally mcbeal stage of life...it looks like its coming back again! HELP!)
maybe im feeling the same way that ally is...and right now im willing to risk something out...whatever that is!
___________________________
i visited my ex's xanga site...and this is a real psychotic wonderment and i quote: (i know is bad like plagarism or something...im sorry)
"Case X raised to the nth: The reason why it's x raised to the nth is due to the fact that this thing has been going on for the past years already. Everytime I get into a relationship, someone suddenly comes along who would approximate my ideal kind of person. During my past relationships I would easily dump someone for another one...which I know is bad, that's why I stopped doin such a thing ever since my break-up with my 3rd." <<<<---this is actually me! The third! Thats my name! The third! jezzz! so he did broke up with me because of someone else! He was actually eyeing for someone else! damn! and the fact that when i asked him about it last summer if he did broke up with me for someone he denied it!
Oh well, that's how life goes...people change, people want more, people need more, and its a pity that you could only give so little.
Starting menu...a practical in Surgery...bummer!
well, its just so frustrating that only got 82 on my preceptorial. Different kupal prof would teach different kupal ways of ligating, suturing and holding the damn surgical instruments. in the end we would get a grade much different if we have been put in the same prof that first taught us the same kupal ways of surgical ligatures. WHAT THE HELL! i need to pass surgery!
_____________________________________
i dont know whats happening to me...there's a new guy in front of me, i really like him but somehow my feelings are restricted to the word "like". It really bother's me that im having trouble loving people eversince i broke up with my ex just april. One theory i have is probably i have become so comfortable in being single that i couldnt imagine myself comitting with someone other than myself. Im willing to give this one a try, we're going on dates and i hope in heavens that there might be something fruitful out of this. I couldnt force myself in going into a relationship that i barely know. i cant afford to waste being hurt and hurting someone in the end.
when i arrived home, i chance upon ally mcbeal's pilot episode at star world. im a great fan of the show, even cried in the same episode back when it first aired on national tv sometime 5 years ago. anyhow, at the end of the story was this narrative by ally...and as far as i could remember the thought goes like this:
"The truth is, I probably don't want to be too happy or content, 'cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it."
(i thought im through with my ally mcbeal stage of life...it looks like its coming back again! HELP!)
maybe im feeling the same way that ally is...and right now im willing to risk something out...whatever that is!
___________________________
i visited my ex's xanga site...and this is a real psychotic wonderment and i quote: (i know is bad like plagarism or something...im sorry)
"Case X raised to the nth: The reason why it's x raised to the nth is due to the fact that this thing has been going on for the past years already. Everytime I get into a relationship, someone suddenly comes along who would approximate my ideal kind of person. During my past relationships I would easily dump someone for another one...which I know is bad, that's why I stopped doin such a thing ever since my break-up with my 3rd." <<<<---this is actually me! The third! Thats my name! The third! jezzz! so he did broke up with me because of someone else! He was actually eyeing for someone else! damn! and the fact that when i asked him about it last summer if he did broke up with me for someone he denied it!
Oh well, that's how life goes...people change, people want more, people need more, and its a pity that you could only give so little.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Just questions...
1. why do people suddenly appear when you're troubled and not when you're not?
2. why does vacation always gives me a feeling of longingness for someone?
3. what is the word "caring" anyway?
4. Does casual sex always leave a guilt feeling?
5. Why do people have a hard time asking for "how i am?"
6. why do certain people doesnt reply?
7. How does anyone get out of lonely nights?
8. why can't i figure out what i want?
9. why do i feel most of my friend's problems than mine?
10. what's the difference of curiosity and just merely trying something out?
11. why is it hard to quit smoking when you really wanted to?
12. why do i procrastinate so much?
13. why did my sisters thought i look wasted and unhappy with my family?
14. why can't i recall the drugs i learned from pharmacology?
15. why do i hate christmas so much?
2. why does vacation always gives me a feeling of longingness for someone?
3. what is the word "caring" anyway?
4. Does casual sex always leave a guilt feeling?
5. Why do people have a hard time asking for "how i am?"
6. why do certain people doesnt reply?
7. How does anyone get out of lonely nights?
8. why can't i figure out what i want?
9. why do i feel most of my friend's problems than mine?
10. what's the difference of curiosity and just merely trying something out?
11. why is it hard to quit smoking when you really wanted to?
12. why do i procrastinate so much?
13. why did my sisters thought i look wasted and unhappy with my family?
14. why can't i recall the drugs i learned from pharmacology?
15. why do i hate christmas so much?
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Parang "Kayo" pero "Hindi"
>>>>i got this on a post by my friend at friendster...and super nakarelate ako dito...well except the heterosexual denomination of it. this is really real!!! i especially put into bold phrases or words that put me smack in the face!
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met andbecame lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be"friends."They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sureshe's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyoneelse.It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked abouttheir situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are inthe dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
=======
She works in a telecom company. He is reviewing for the board.They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phonetill 4am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is nooccasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolokapag may overnight inu! man? Why does he hold her close on the dancefloor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya?"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug andkiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
=======
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watchmovie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potterbooks for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make anexjealous. They made out during the company outing in Subicand nevertalked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if sheheard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she issure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming thatwith what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's justone hitch: he has a girlfriend!
=======
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Bothmountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a fewdates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would makeout. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that"sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about itbut it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's importantis I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings.Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where thepersons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng mayverbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted yourfeelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do thetalking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayomag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, perohindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages fordifferent reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love eachother, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.Andfor reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayongnakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kayakunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usuallythe guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-breakdoon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niyaginagawa),wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siyanangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo.
"This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo nakung naghahanap ka lang! naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi walatalagang kasiguraduhan.So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyankesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa yong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would thinkthat pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. Itwould be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationshipsdin ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that theycouldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, orthat they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merongnagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing.Iyongkapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sakanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang thereal thing,puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship,the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babaelagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really arelationship,you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo?May K kanga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about yourrole in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And ifyou feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it toyourself.Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't besure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Becauseyou're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage willalways make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is arelationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you haveinvested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithfulto him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeingother girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When adisagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that wouldbe the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kungsaan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindieh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship,hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you willbe miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only tofind out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship withsomebody else.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and thenyou'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasanang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoythe feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you arecertain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan momamili.You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happennext. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for thereal thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailableguy,a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakankita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo perohindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.
Usually, hanggang doon lang siya..Almost, but not quite..
She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met andbecame lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be"friends."They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sureshe's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyoneelse.It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked abouttheir situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are inthe dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
=======
She works in a telecom company. He is reviewing for the board.They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phonetill 4am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is nooccasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolokapag may overnight inu! man? Why does he hold her close on the dancefloor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya?"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug andkiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
=======
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watchmovie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potterbooks for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make anexjealous. They made out during the company outing in Subicand nevertalked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if sheheard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she issure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming thatwith what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's justone hitch: he has a girlfriend!
=======
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Bothmountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a fewdates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would makeout. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that"sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about itbut it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's importantis I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings.Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where thepersons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng mayverbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted yourfeelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do thetalking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayomag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, perohindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages fordifferent reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love eachother, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.Andfor reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayongnakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kayakunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.
Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usuallythe guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-breakdoon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niyaginagawa),wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siyanangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo.
"This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo nakung naghahanap ka lang! naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi walatalagang kasiguraduhan.So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyankesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa yong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would thinkthat pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. Itwould be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationshipsdin ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that theycouldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, orthat they weren't ready to commit.
My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merongnagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing.Iyongkapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sakanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang thereal thing,puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.
But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship,the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babaelagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really arelationship,you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo?May K kanga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about yourrole in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And ifyou feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it toyourself.Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't besure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Becauseyou're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage willalways make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is arelationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you haveinvested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithfulto him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeingother girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When adisagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that wouldbe the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kungsaan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindieh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship,hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you willbe miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only tofind out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship withsomebody else.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and thenyou'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasanang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoythe feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you arecertain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan momamili.You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happennext. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for thereal thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailableguy,a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakankita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo perohindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.
Usually, hanggang doon lang siya..Almost, but not quite..
Saturday, October 30, 2004
vacation at last!
whew! finally i could get a decent vacation...
yesterday was our last day for our fcm research. we went out to the community to screen children for otitis media and hearing impairment. it went out pretty damn well. unexpectedly it went out well organized. id like to congratulate my group for doing a good job. though through the course of our preparations, feud between each of us ensued, ive said rude things to some people, and apologized. i think the best acomplishment we had was that we were able to sustain each and everyone of us, became patient, and getting out of it alive.
-------------------------
here are a few things i remember happened from my last post here until now:
1. my first ex and i has finally got to get acquinted (again)...although it was just for a number of emails
2. i was caught with an illegal stuff in my room
3. i was so close to yet another horrifying relationship with a wrong guy
4. i failed pharma again
5. was able to meet up with highskul friends...and got pissed at the end of the day
6. was able to adapt the lobby as a sort of a sleeping area while waiting everyday for our dean (kupal sya)
7. havent drank alcohol for a month now (im sober!)
8. lost a few more weight (shucks!)
9. met karen's bf
10. broke my glasses
i guess thats all...i think...
yesterday was our last day for our fcm research. we went out to the community to screen children for otitis media and hearing impairment. it went out pretty damn well. unexpectedly it went out well organized. id like to congratulate my group for doing a good job. though through the course of our preparations, feud between each of us ensued, ive said rude things to some people, and apologized. i think the best acomplishment we had was that we were able to sustain each and everyone of us, became patient, and getting out of it alive.
-------------------------
here are a few things i remember happened from my last post here until now:
1. my first ex and i has finally got to get acquinted (again)...although it was just for a number of emails
2. i was caught with an illegal stuff in my room
3. i was so close to yet another horrifying relationship with a wrong guy
4. i failed pharma again
5. was able to meet up with highskul friends...and got pissed at the end of the day
6. was able to adapt the lobby as a sort of a sleeping area while waiting everyday for our dean (kupal sya)
7. havent drank alcohol for a month now (im sober!)
8. lost a few more weight (shucks!)
9. met karen's bf
10. broke my glasses
i guess thats all...i think...
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