Parang "Kayo" pero "Hindi"

>>>>i got this on a post by my friend at friendster...and super nakarelate ako dito...well except the heterosexual denomination of it. this is really real!!! i especially put into bold phrases or words that put me smack in the face!

She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met andbecame lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be"friends."They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sureshe's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyoneelse.It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked abouttheir situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are inthe dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."
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She works in a telecom company. He is reviewing for the board.They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phonetill 4am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is nooccasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolokapag may overnight inu! man? Why does he hold her close on the dancefloor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya?"He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug andkiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
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They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watchmovie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potterbooks for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make anexjealous. They made out during the company outing in Subicand nevertalked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if sheheard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she issure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming thatwith what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's justone hitch: he has a girlfriend!
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She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Bothmountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a fewdates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would makeout. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that"sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about itbut it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's importantis I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutualunderstanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings.Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where thepersons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng mayverbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted yourfeelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do thetalking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayomag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, perohindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages fordifferent reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love eachother, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason.Andfor reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayongnakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kayakunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.

Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usuallythe guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-breakdoon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niyaginagawa),wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siyanangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo.

"This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo nakung naghahanap ka lang! naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi walatalagang kasiguraduhan.So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyankesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa yong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would thinkthat pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. Itwould be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationshipsdin ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that theycouldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, orthat they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merongnagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing.Iyongkapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sakanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang thereal thing,puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship,the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babaelagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really arelationship,you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo?May K kanga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about yourrole in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And ifyou feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it toyourself.Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't besure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Becauseyou're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage willalways make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is arelationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you haveinvested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithfulto him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeingother girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When adisagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that wouldbe the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kungsaan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan.Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me,"hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindieh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship,hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you willbe miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only tofind out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship withsomebody else.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and thenyou'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasanang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoythe feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you arecertain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan momamili.You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happennext. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for thereal thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailableguy,a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka.Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakankita."

Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo.Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo perohindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo.

Usually, hanggang doon lang siya..Almost, but not quite..

vacation at last!

whew! finally i could get a decent vacation...

yesterday was our last day for our fcm research. we went out to the community to screen children for otitis media and hearing impairment. it went out pretty damn well. unexpectedly it went out well organized. id like to congratulate my group for doing a good job. though through the course of our preparations, feud between each of us ensued, ive said rude things to some people, and apologized. i think the best acomplishment we had was that we were able to sustain each and everyone of us, became patient, and getting out of it alive.

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here are a few things i remember happened from my last post here until now:
1. my first ex and i has finally got to get acquinted (again)...although it was just for a number of emails
2. i was caught with an illegal stuff in my room
3. i was so close to yet another horrifying relationship with a wrong guy
4. i failed pharma again
5. was able to meet up with highskul friends...and got pissed at the end of the day
6. was able to adapt the lobby as a sort of a sleeping area while waiting everyday for our dean (kupal sya)
7. havent drank alcohol for a month now (im sober!)
8. lost a few more weight (shucks!)
9. met karen's bf
10. broke my glasses

i guess thats all...i think...